Why the Red Pill Movement Exists…

October 10, 2016

I saw this on Facebook and it brought me flying back to my blog as it totally triggered me.  I needed my safe space :-p

Monday….Tuesday…..Wednesday……Thursday……Friday….

She never used “we just had sex last weekend” which leads me to believe that they didn’t else that would be the first line on Monday.   I went through years of this.   Years.   Look back in the archives.   Begging and pleading and trying to connect and then the few times an advance was tolerated, it was more or less like this glory-hole thing where she makes it as clinical and unpleasant as possible.

SO….2009 I stepped off that treadmill and stopped initiating.  In one of our last ever counseling sessions, the coundselor did this little assessment, asking us each to to give a score for areas of concern on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most distressed and 1 being the least.   Money….health….kids….sex…..several things I can’t remember.  My scores were generally on the lower end as I was not too distressed about many things and even my frustration over lack of sex was maybe a 6 or 7.  I was getting ver it.  But Arwyn’s scores were all 8 or higher!  I was kinda surprised she had rated herself an 8 on sexual distress.  We never really pursued that line with this second counselor and I didn’t bother to follow-up.  After all, it had already been 3-4 years of being sexless.  While I do miss sex, I miss the good kind, not the crappy, begrudging “Here, get it over with” kind.  I found other interests, other hobbies.  Sex is a great thing but it’s not the only thing.  And honestly, most of the time it isn’t worth the trouble we go through to get it.

I watched a few other of her videos and have a feeling that her little community might find itself over run with the Red-Pill, MGTOW crowd because she is sort of the arhctype stay-at-home mom, which is why so many other women love her.  And honestly, her video above nailed it perfectly and judging by the comments from other ladies it’s more the rule than the exception.  One fellow did run a translation in the comments that basically shows how a guy feels after getting rejected repeatedly.  Kudos to him, but he’s still in the early stages of this.  Basically in the early stages, us guys are pretty pussy addicted.  We’ll do anything to get it.   We’ll run ourselves into the ground for it.  We’ll beg, plead, try to reason and persuade.  We’ll bargain, even settling for terribly lopsided deals to get it.   That’s actually what marriage has become– the lopsided deal where the women hold all the cards and the men have none.

The idea is that marriage is where sex gains legitimacy between a husband and his wife.  That’s where it is supposed to be the most frequent and at its best.  Didn’t turn out that way for me though.  It became a source of frustration and conflict until it got to the point where there was so little pleasure compared to the cost where it wasn’t worth risking rejection.  Certainly not worth a fight.  And generally I’m happier and better off without constantly wondering if I did the right thing, did enough things, did pleasing enough things or if the odds were in my favor.

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Happy 2015! Hysterical Literature

January 1, 2015

I have SOO missed writing, blogging and just the general mischief that I used to do and cause with this site!  and I’ve missed the sex talk and the community and just everything.  And the sex.  I miss sex.

Actually I have sex whenever I want it, just not with anyone else.  It’s been 5 years…or is it 6.. since I had sex of any sort with Arwyn.  Honestly, I’m not sure I miss that so much as I miss those early days of good sex.  Of being young and having a willing partner who was willing to explore and experience things.

I might also be slightly inebriated this evening, what with ringing in the new year and all.  By myself.

Actually it’s not by myself because I’m bringing you, my reader(s?) with me.  By the time you read this, you’ll be well into your new year (and so will I) but imagine for a moment that it’s New Year’s Eve.  The end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015.  Where are you and what are you doing?  Where I live, I can hear some fireworks in the distance and it’s only 11:38.  But I imagine a few of the other drunks are shooting their fireworks prematurely because they simply can’t wait to shoot their load of good cheer upon the surrounding neighborhoods.  As long as they don’t cause any fires and burn my house down, I say go for it.  Even though it is still annoying.

I’ve been perusing some videos and decided I needed to share.  These COULD be safe for work, provided you keep the sound low enough or wear headphones.  These are some of the sexiest videos I have watched in recent memory.  They are of women reading books aloud.  Some of the books are erotica but some of them are relatively mundane.  Here’s one of a woman reading about Whitney Houston and her ’80’s music:

Here’s one in Russian:

You can find these in a variety of languages and literary genres to fit your own tastes.  And if you’re seriously addicted to this sort of thing, you can go to Booknob and see these things for about $50 a month.  Oprah never had a book club quite like this!

I like this sort of thing.  The women are seemingly trying to concentrate on reading their books but end up giving in almost totally to their own sensuality.  It’s art and erotica and literacy all rolled into one, although it seems the subjects almost never end up finishing their books or even a single chapter.

It is enormously tempting to fast forawrd to the 2 minute mark where things start getting exciting, but if you do you’ll miss the important subtleness of the quickness of breath, the changing cadence of the reading, the mispronounced words.  you’ll mis the subtle physical cues, the squirming and involuntary movements and reactions.

These are the the small, subtle things I miss most about sex.  I remember one woman who I would bring to raoring and loud orgasms, playing her expertly while my ear rested over her chest, listening to the increasing tempo of her heartbeat and the deepening of her breathings.  I remember thinking how awesome it was to know that I was doing this.  I was responsible for this wonderful thing that was swelling and growing until it reached its fullness, opening like a flower, bursting forth the rich nectar of carnal pleasures.  I did that.  Once.  Well…more than once but it was a long, long time ago.

Arwyn would never allow me to do that for her.  Ever.

I did, however, allow her to do something like this to me.  I wasn’t reading any sort of literature (erotic or otherwise) but we often talked about the mundane things.  Longtime readers may recall this time as it represented a compromise of sorts.  She would do this whenever she wasn’t in the mood for full-on sex.  Which was most of the time.  The caveat was that I had to ask.  But of course often her hands were dry and chapped and it often took effort to get her to do this much.  Or the time on Valentine’s day where she fell asleep in the middle.   Good times.  Hehe…sarcasm.

She would stroke my hardening shaft and we would talk about whatever was on her mind, mostly the kids or chores or whatever.  In some ways, there were elements of our good friend Lady Misato at work.  But the room was always mostly dark, and the only cues as to my impending happy ending to the works of my wife’s hand was the subtle changes in the pitch of my voice, the gasps and shallowness of my breathing and of course whatever throbbing she could feel in her hands.  To her credit, Arwyn always stroked through the very end, albeit with a towel.  But I never got the impression that she particularly enjoyed these little sessions.  And aside from the physical relief and the accompanying pleasure of an orgasm, I derived a lot less pleasure from them than if she would have somehow been into it.  And so I quit asking.  And never once has she ever offered.  Ever.

I think this is one of the more bitter losses when it comes to the loss of my sexuality.  The ability to do that for someone else.  Of course, in the early days, I was into the idea of ‘no talking’ but those little sessions with Arwyn did make me acutely aware of how arousal can affect a person’s voice as well as the rest of their body.  In an odd way, I sorta got off on what it did to me, and that was during a period where not being in control held a lot of appeal.  I often fantasize about how I might do things differently if I was with those earlier lovers, knowing what I do now.

The most important gift you can give your lover is your own enthusiasm for whatever it is you are doing with them and to them.  If you are enjoying it, chances are enhanced that they will too, whether or not you are hitting the exact right spot.  Because the most sensual target of all is not the space between their legs, but the space between their ears; their mind.

Hysterical Literature is a lovely project and I richly enjoyed watching it and certain memories evoked.  Many of those videos were worthy to be watched more than once, just to tune into the wonderful intricacies of arousal and response and even the selections that the ladies chose to read.  No nudity at all, just women reading their favorite books.


50 Shades of Grey

May 16, 2012

I was reading the Wikipedia for this book, and it brought back memories of my former life..or rather the  earliest and best of my blogging here.  I wonder if I ever virtually met the author of this book?

Kink is finally hitting mainstream!  Well, more power to those it is helping but I’ll wager that most of the ones who would pick up this book do not really need it.  Although going to the workshops might amp up the action a bit.

But even tho Arwyn has a Kindle there is no way she would ever even touch a book like this.  Ever.

Not much to update here, but I might as well winge just a bit.

Remember last year’s Valentine’s Day?  It’s only two posts down, if you care to look!

V-Day 2012 was almost an exact duplicate.  It was kind of funny if it wasn’t so sad.  I bought a funny card and I gave it to her after I got home from work.

“Oh…I didn’t get you anything”

*snorts*

Like so many of my commenter/fellow bloggers in this boat, I am eerily okay because frankly having autistic sex has no appeal to me.  I would rather do without and spend the time pixel grinding in second life or watching a movie or …well even blogging to you all.  And I have blogged to you all more than I have had RL sex in the past year. 

BUT I am also too keenly cognizant of the message my boys are getting.  They see that Mom doesn’t kiss Daddy or give him anything for Valentines day or that there really isn’t any affection between us anymore.  As my oldest enters the maelstrom of his teenage years, I’m not exactly sure what to tell him.  I’m not sure I have any constructive advice to offer.  Tell him to wait until marriage? 

I’m not much talking to Arwyn anymore, not because we have nothing to say, but because she really has very little to say that I want to hear.  I have spent nearly 15 years getting batted and pushed away.  It’s not worth the effort trying to get close.

It does bleed into other areas of life, for sure.  I am more disengaged with life than ever, underemployed and without any real vital energy.  My weight is about what it was before the big weight loss campaign back in 2007.

I think back on my days at the farm.  There was a reason we castrated the male cattle.  It was to make them docile and fat.  And that is largely how I feel much of the time. 

I hate to end on such a downer but since I DID write about Valentines Day….

Image


Hello There!

August 15, 2010

Remember me?

Haha, I’m still around and have appreciated those of you who have poked me from time to time to dee if I am still breathing.

/the short answer is that yes, I am still breathing.  I’m not sure what else to write about tho.

I could write about sex, but since I haven’t had any (with another RL person) since October 2009, it would be a very short and depressing read.   I just got tired of trying to make it with someone who had no real desire to make it with me.  Sex adds a lot of enjoyment in life for a lot of people.  That used to be the case for me, but it has been a long time since that was true for me.  Now it is a source of frustration and drama and resentment.

I could write about spiritual issues, but again; a source of a lot of frustration and resentment!  I’m still involved in teaching adult Sunday School, but that is the biggest extent of it.

Work life…I resigned out a few months ago as the situation was totally unmanageable and was literally killing me under the stress.  Am unemployed officially and looking for a position elsewhere.  Thanks to our “being out of debt” program, it has not been as stressful as it could be.  But one big medical bill could change everything.

Maybe I’ll update again real soon and maybe it might be about 6 months or so!  But I was recently reminded of you all and the fun times we had when I went back to iVillage on a whim and discovered my Top 10 LL list was still as popular as ever after 6 or more years.

Shoot….my computer is acting up so who knows how long it might be before I update again?!?

Still into Second Life, which could inspire an update on the other blog, perhaps, but we’ll see.  I do need to update that story, anyway at some point.

Thank you all for checking in on me!  I’ll try to see if I can check in with y’all at some point, too.  But I AM still alive!


Return to Schnarch

January 6, 2009

Anyone reading the past month or so knows my relationship has seemingly stalled and begun taking a nose dive. Just when things were starting to look up, too! But this is the way it goes, sometimes. Well, pretty much ALL the time, because that’s sort of the way marriage works. A few steps forwards, and seemingly a few steps back into gridlock. But gridlock is where we are, because that’s where we have to be.

Last weekend, I went ahead and downloaded the mp3 version of Schnarch’s most recent book,Secrets of a Passionate Marriage. For me, it was a totally worthwhile download. Here, I could listen to Schnarch’s words delivered as he meant them to sound. And he manages to go through the whole thing in less than 2 hours. While I had begun rereading certain parts of Passionate Marrige, I was having a hard time getting into it. With the mp3, I could listen to it as many times as I wanted, in any order. Schnarch delivers his prose in a conversational style, sometimes in front of a “live” audience, as you can sometimes hear people laugh in the background as he delivers a humorous line.

And after the 3rd or so time through, some of this started to really sink back in. The therapist has been SO dead wrong in his approach. Pretty much all marriage therapists and sex therapists get it wrong, even though this stuff has been out around 20 years! The reason why it might not be so popular is because there is a definite spiritual focus on this approach to discovering intimacy. Schnarch makes no bones about how elegantly the sexual relationship acts as a catalyst for growth, change and intimacy. Or the fact that human sexuality is a product of deliberate and complex design. However, I do need to throw in a caveat that Schnarch is NOT an evangelical and is totally fine with referring and treating gay couples with his approach. But this should not detract from the truth that he reveals.

And that truth is, is that I’ve been dead wrong. I think I was saying that a year ago, too. For some reason, once we got into therapy, I sort of laid what I had learned then down. That was mistake. Just the act of calling a therapist and making an appointment and following through…these were all acts of trying to break the emotional gridlock. How odd that firing the therapist might be the next step in breaking this episode of emotional gridlock!LOL!

But we have been chasing our tails around the issues, here. There has been a bit of progress in that we have had more sex. Considering the score was a big fat ZERO for the previous year, it wouldn’t take much. On the intimacy front, I can say there was SOME progress, but much less pronounced.

The therapist is treating this as a communication issue, and it is definitely not a communication issue. The message could not be more clear: I want more sex. She does not. There is no way that the message could be more clear than nailing it to our foreheads! We get it! It’s right there! She wants a dog. I do not. In the case of dog ownership, I am the low desire partner. There is no communication issue, here! No matter how many times I speak her love language, she is not going to budge from her position. No matter how many times she speaks mine, I’m not getting a dog.

The problem is not one of speaking and listening. It is a problem of anxiety. Today, while listening to Schnarch, the light bulb went on. I’m getting it. Again.

Basically, Arwyn has a whole lot of anxiety about intimacy, especially as far as it is expressed sexually. But it also translates into her being a general avoider, too. And so it is, that I happen to share a lot of the same sorts of anxiety but it expresses itself a bit differently. We’re both kind of distant folk. Not unfriendly, but we have big boundaries around us and we keep a big distance. But at the same time we want a type of closeness. That’s the big rub, here. We both want to be close but we both want distance. It just so happens that I’m capable of having sex while maintaining quite a bit of distance. In other words, my emotional involvement doesn’t have to be terribly deep for me to have an orgasm. Arwyn is actually a lot alike me in that respect except she actually requires quite a lot of distance to orgasm. That’s why she prefers the lights off and the eyes tightly shut and she does not want me looking at her face while she is in the throes of passion. In other words, her emotional involvement is pretty well evenly matched with mine. It’s low. But there is a part of her that wants more.

What’s getting in the way is anxiety and fear. Sex is simply one way to have closeness while managing the anxiety, but Arwyn has simply not mastered much in the way of managing her fears. And so, like every other couple on the planet, we have to deal with the sexual leftovers.

Sexual leftovers is what every couple has when it comes to sex. Each person makes a list of what is too disgusting and perverted and then the other person makes their list and then you agree on the leftovers. That’s what you call compromise, right? But that leads to sexual boredom which leads to tension and eventual gridlock. At some point, the anxiety comes to a head and then has to be dealt with.

I feel like I’m drifting, here.

A few months back, we had probably the greatest breakthrough EVER as far as sexual intimacy. It was at a time when we were good all around. One night we approached each other and we ended up in the lotus position. Yeah, I figured out what it was. But I might have underestimated the amount of courage that went into this for her. And we may have done it a time or two since then. But some how we were able to manage that face-to-face intimacy.

Okay, I’m getting tired and need to turn in, but at least I have a better idea of what is going on and I’m not nearly as snarky on Arwyn as I was earlier. I’ll have to expound more on the differentiation aspect of this later, as we are still having to work through that.


Silly Quiz Results

November 25, 2008

ColorQuiz.com Digger took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Thanks to Trueself for suckering me into this one. You think it's me?


The Haircut

August 17, 2008

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This morning was, in the words of the former blogger known as Satan a YES sort of morning. Sorry if you don’t get that obscure reference.

Early this afternoon, I went to my regular barber to get my haircut. Bill’s barbershop is just down the road on highway 66 and a mighty convenient $10 haircut. I’d prefer the saucy little German cutie, but Bill is okay. At least when he’s there. He’s a bit lazy-ish and often closes up early to go fish, drink beer or otherwise have fun. The sign says he’s open 9-5 but that is rarely the case. I’ve often pulled up to his shop at 3:30 only to find a sign in the window, “It’s 5:00 somewhere!” I trry to get in early on Saturday morning, but can’t always manage it.

So it’s a little after 2:00 on a Saturday and he is closed…AGAIN. I’m pissed. I’ve gone to other barbers before on account of Bill’s irregularity, but it involves driving way out of my way. I’d like to find a guy close by who is dependable!

So I decide to try something else. I’ll fix Bill’s ass.

I went home and told Arwyn that she could give me a haircut. She cuts the boys’ hair, or trims more like. She has always stated that she wanted to cut my hair and I’ve always declined. This time, I was giving her her big chance. She was pretty excited as she got her scissors, comb and clippers. No little skirt, unfortunately. I guess this would be a Helga cut. I had no idea.

She must have spent nearly an hour clipping, snipping, combing, feathering, trimming and fussing over my hair. She would stop, look it over, cut some more and look again. It’s that whole perfectionist thing at work. She wanted it to be done perfectly.

Yeah, Arwyn pretty much totally and perfectly butchered and botched it. She only drew blood once or twice, but she blamed the whack job on the irregular shape of my head and the fact that my hair grows crooked. These are all true, BTW. Thing is, I wasn’t all that upset by it. In fact, Arwyn was more upset than me. She apologized profusely and swore that she would never touch my hair again.

“Maybe you can get someone to fix it.”

“No, I think this is just about right, Arwyn. I really do like it short and this look works for me.”

I plan on getting lots of stares and comments on it. And people are going to ask me, “Where did you get that haircut?” And I’m going to tell them:

“Oh, I got it cut at Bill’s Barbershop off of highway 66. You like it?”

Thanks Bill!

Thanks Bill!

D.