Less than fulfilling. At least that is how this article from CNN put it.
The comments on this article are closed as apparently so many commenters reacted with hostility toward the ideas presented there. Which isn’t TOO surprising considering the sort of feedback I’ve gotten over the years by people stumbling on to my page. Those few souls who are regulars ( and you know who you are) already know the stuff I’ve tried over the years. My blog has survived the test of time. But like my marriage, it has seen its better days.
Of course *I* liked the article because it is a good and accurate description of my reality. We’re in this trying to do right by our kids. The research is very definitive on the fact that kids do better when living with both parents. And mine are no exception. They do not live in a house of exceptional violence or really even conflict. We are basically amiable but not fulfilled. It’s not the happiest of circumstances but it is what is and we’re trying to make the best of it. We haven’t had a couples counseling session since the last blog update but not sure what the counselor could do for us except perhaps negotiate forward somehow. The road ahead won’t be easy but it isn’t easy for anyone. Suffering and hardship are just part of life and no one escapes. In the grand scheme of things, I’m not going to complain …much.
We are now in our new house. As devastating as the fire was, it really was the only real way we were ever going to be able to do some of the things needing to get done. There was no other way we were ever going to get a new house with new appliances. Or a new car for Arwyn whose 16 year-old car died 2 weeks after the fire. Through insurance, we rebuilt and provided quite a few jobs for people. We also enabled quite a few people to get rid of their own gently used stuff and feel pretty good about it. I quit soking, moving on to vaping which is at least safer and healthier for those around me, if not myself.
Like one suggestion in that article, is my having my own room, which doubles as my office. I do enjoy having my own space and my own bed. I actually got a loft bed, and now my youngest wants one too. It’s his perch of choice when he comes into my room. There is a little concern that as I get older it might get harder and harder to climb the ladder into the thing or that I might fall down while getting out. I just have to be careful about it and make sure I have the coordination slightly greater than a drunken college student while getting in and out. But got shelves, a little light and a small fan up there making it a nice cozy little space. I got a bucket hung to slip in my laptop and another one at the foot to use as a sort of chamber pot so I don’t have to bother climbing down during the night. Underneath I got closet rails to hang my clothes up. A little pricey but well worth it, I think to create more space.
My main laptop just died so am currently looking at new ones, using my work one to write this post. The CNN article was just too good to pass on or save as it has so much relevance to the theme of this blog. At least this part:
If it’s possible, consider separate bedrooms. You’d be surprised how the creation of privacy and nonmarital spaces in a marriage might help. Already one in four Americans sleep in separate bedrooms or beds from their spouses. The National Association of Homebuilders predicts that by 2015, 60% of new homes will be designed with “dual master bedrooms.”
I’m not going to say Arwyn and I will never divorce, but right now this situation seems to be the most amiable one for us and our kids.