Why didn’t I think of this before?

December 26, 2012

Shoot.  I should have done this 3 years ago!  Well…better late than never.

It just hit me that I could link this here blog with me in SL.  And so I did.  I created an avatar named …..wait for it….

DiggerJones (or DiggerJones Resident or just Digger Jones) in Second Life!  I’m kinda excited about it.  I got an avatar that is a slightly younger and more drool-worthy of my real self.   Actually I’m still working on him.

SO, if you want to meet me virtually, it could not be easier.  Go to the secondlife site, pick an avatar, and once you get inworld, look me up and send me an IM!  I might b inworld or I might not.  But we might be able to set something up where we meet.  It IS free to join, though to really get access to the best stuff, you gotta pay a few L$.

But I’ll be happy to help you out.  There are places to get some decent free stuff and a few things you can do to make your SL a little more rewarding.  It’s in what you’re looking for.

Once I get my avatar put together the way I like, I’ll post pics.  This might be a great way to keep this blog going.  Only 61 more posts to #500!



Second Life: Rise of my Elf Self

August 4, 2012

Well just because I blogged for a few days doesn’t mean I would keep that pace forever!  But neither am I abandoning the idea of posting slightly more regularly.  Anything more than 2x a year is a winner, in my book!

So, we have some catching up to do.  Great news: I have a job!  We’ll be leaving the world of Food Stamps this month and back into the world of scratching it out on our own.  I like the job so far though the learning curve is pretty steep.  But it IS the wave of the future.  Of this I have no doubt.

Oddly enough, my biggest time waster has a slight resemblance to what I’m doing all the time now.  Whish in its own way helps solve the problem of getting too immersed as I am able to be online and get paid for it.  Just another side benefit among many.

So we DO need to talk about Secondlife or SL.  I actually did reserve space on another blog for that but will cover it here only slightly less explicitly.

There are many other vitual worlds out there and I have visited a couple of them.  World of Warcraft is among the most popular, but WoW is very combat/quest heavy.  I have nothing against that orientation, but I also have other interests.  Like sex.  I have no idea if people are pixel grinding in WoW, but they most definitely are in SL.  It’s not ALL they are doing, but it is an exceedingly popular activity in SL and since it is popular with me, it represents the perfect blend of several interests.

I have several characters in SL, and the first two were my elves.  I am a huge Tolkien fan, and so it is a natural choice.  My first elf was a female, and getting her into the BDSM scene was as easy as gravity.  She had a sugar daddy who bought her stuff from almost the first day.  He even built a dungeon just for her.  SL is free, for the most part, but to get the best stuff, you have to spend some Lindens or L$.  The exchange rate is about 250 L$ for every real life dollar.  Yes, people actually spend money for virtual space and virtual clothes and other virtual stuff.  And people that make good stuff can make real money.  In the earlier days, there were people who actually made a decent living designing and selling virtual clothes.  Or virtual skins and shapes.

My she-elf was a real beauty and she attracted just enough attention to stay in trouble with the boys.  Gender bending is not at all unusual in SL.  There is some speculation that most girls in SL are actually guys, but I’m less sure it is that big of a majority.And I’ve know a few women who had male avatars.  You just never know what is on the other side of the keyboard.  And for the most part, as long as the role is played well, I don’t want to have my fantasy disrupted.

Over the past couple of years, my she-elf has had a few boyfriends, but nothing very steady or serious outside of those first couple of months.  After the first time she had a rather youngish person fall for her and the painful breakup that ensued, I decided to not play so serious with her.  The pixels are virtual but the feelings are exceedingly real.  SL can and does make people cry in real life.  But it also creates real joy and an intimacy that is as real.

I basically play my female characters as ideals of what *I* would want a woman to be.  This might explain why they are so popular with the guys.  They are not hugely breasted, which is a tell for a guy-created avatar.  And they are not stupid or timid.  But they DO tend to be submissive in their own way.  And they DO enjoy sex once they get into it.  I put a lot into the details of their appearance, including the animation overriders that give them the more feminine-type movements.  They have been called “perfect” by more than ne guy in the throes of passion.  To know them is to want to own and possess them.

A few weeks after creating my she-elf, I created my second elf who happened to be male.  Originally, I intended him to just sort of be a second rate character who might support my she-elf once she got into the medieval/fantasy role play.   She found a place to play her proper role as an elf, with a lot less sex but more role play with a bit of combat.  She got into the healers guild and began working her way up.  So my male elf was just supposed to sort of be around and be a sort of spy for her.  When you friend people in SL, they can see when you are logged on, and sometimes if there is drama, it is easier to be anonymous.  Erm…more anonymous.

But my male elf did not remain in the background for very long.  At all.  What was a bit of a revelation, is the fact that there are a lot more women (real or played ones) in SL than men.  Guys tend to gravitate more toward WoW than the role play involved in SL.  While there is combat in SL, it is not as much or as good as that in games like WoW or Skyrim.  So my elf almost immediately attracted the attention of the fairies in the medieval realm.  And one of them set her sights on seducing my poor elf.  And she did.  Thoroughly.

In real life she was about the same age as Xavier’s oldest daughter.  Not even 20.  But in SL, at the time, I had no idea because all avatars look like they are about 23-25.  At first we were just good friends and then we got closer and closer and spent more and more time inworld together.  Then we exchanged emails.  each of my characters has their own email address and two of them even have Facebook accounts.  In fact I spent far more time in my SL FB than my RL one as I have more in common with the gamers expecially for playing FB games.

We flirted a LOT, my little fairy and I.  And we had wonderful times together.  It got to the point where the feelings were pretty real, and all that goes along with that, including some jealousy if either of us spent too much time woth other people in SL.  And it got to the point where we did finally partner, which is sort of like a marriage in SL.  Thing is, over these few months, we never did do any real virtual sex.  I mean, as a fairy she WAS near naked a lot of the time and she DID put a lot into her avatar.  But unlike my she-elf, or my guy elf, she actually resembled her avatar.  So we were technically virgins when we got partnered.  And stayed virgins for about a month until she wanted to try a different sort of role play.  she wanted to play Gor.  I had not idea what it was either, until I read up on it.  And I was actually kinda hesitant about playing, but she was determined to try playing a slave.  And if she was going to be a sex slave, hell if I was going to let anyone else do what I hadn’t been able to do up to that point!

And you might be able to see a slight trend.  My she-elf was able to get a lot more sex than my male elf, despite the odds being tilted the other way.  This did cause issues between my little fairy until she turned into a sex slave.  And so while I was a bit hesitant, I dived into it and began reading the books and discovered I rather liked them.  My sex slave read a couple fo the books and she did get into her role almost completely.  Except she was less into the sex part than I was.  Not a good thing for a sex slave.  This caused a lot of strain and conflict in the relationship which made me realize that I was suffering a repeat of my RL circumstance!

My little 20 year-old and I lasted about a year, but it was fraught with difficulties caused by her being so young and actualy having a RL.  She found a boyfriend and found other things to do (many of them really self-destructive) and she was just not on or available that much.  This is when I began a second male character devoted to Gor who got his own sex slave who was totally and absolutely devoted to her Master and his needs.  Eventually my fairy and I agreed to part ways because it wasn’t working out.  We do remain friends and communicate fairly often though the nature of our relationship is much different.  I am almost more of a father figure for her, trying to be supportive of her and her decisions through her various struggles.  And she has had quite a few in her young life.

The most intense role plays I ever had with her were actually when we were both playing opposite genders.  She had a male elf who hooked up with my she-elf, her playing the male master and me playing the female slave.  It was intense and fun in a way that is difficult to explain if you don’t understand the finer points of immersive role play (RP).  I loved playing something or someone different.  So did she.

By and by, my elf was a rather important figure in his realm.  He was now my main character and I was very much devoted to the RP story more than the pixel grinding.  Oh, I did that quite regularly but it was less and less of what I wanted to do rather than write and be a part of epic stories.  I became good friends with many people in SL.  I even got pretty good at metered combat.

It wasn’t too long after my fairy and I parted ways when I ended up getting together with one of her best friends in SL, who also happened to be a fae.  She was 15 years older in RL, and we were just a better fit, being closer in age and maturity.  And she liked sex a lot more, and so that become a totally none-issue.  And so we have been together for a little over a year, though both of us are spending less and less time in SL because we are more and more busy with real life.  In her case it is a new job and a new RL boyfriend.  I really don’t mind so much, as I do have enough characters of ither gender that I can get in and have some fun if I want.  And more often than not, I am not logging into SL at all which means more FB and more blogging and more real life.

Hehe…I’m thinking about this epic post which is probably boring as hell for none gamers but oh well!  The point is that I learned so much the last 3 years or so about relationships through my time in SL.  I got to do things I could never do in real life.  I got to be a slave, a Master, a wizard, a high preistess, an orc, a goblin and probably a lot of other things I have forgotten.  I’ve fallen in and out of love more than once.  Had my heart broken and broken someone else’s heart.  I could see the good, the bad and the ugly and had a chance to try on each of those hats.  I found it difficult to play the evil characters for any length of time.  It was fun to be a bloodthirsty orc….for a short time.  But it has been the lighter characters I enjoyed the most and who have endured the longest and best.

In playing my she-elf, I actually have used some information gleaned from my Catholic blogging buddies to play her role.  She is a high priestess of Eru Illuvatar, which was the Creator of Elven lore which Tolkien modeled after his own religious beliefs, that being Catholic.  She venerates each of the Valar in a similar fashion as many Catholics would venerate their saints, while reserving her highest devotion to her Creator.  I have it well parsed out in my head, but not easy yo explain without delving deeper into theology.  The Valar are powerful and gifted, but they are not the source of gifts or power by a long shot.  She even got to perform an elvish wedding a year or so ago, which was a real high point in her career as a cleric and a real challenge as a player.

Time spent in SL?  At its peak, when I was unemployed it had to be 8 hours a day or close to that, every day of the week.  You can see why blogging and almost everything else would suffer.  It was and is a terribly addictive place for certain kinds of people.  You can go there and be anything you want, form relationships and really and truly live a second life.  Everyone there looks perfect…if they want to.  Some people deliberately choose to look normally fat or even like something inhuman.  Some of the most successful people I know in SL are actually DJ’s who play music at socials and dances.  Yep…we have dances and parties in SL.  Lots of them.  In fact, I might go to one right now!

October Update: New Series on the New Old Blog Edition

October 24, 2009

I’ll try to get to comments before posting this, but the most universal reaction was to Arwyn’s testimony, especially about her marrying me because she thought that is what God wanted her to do.

We have not discussed this, but perhaps we need to. But I’m not sure exactly what there is to discuss. While earlier in our relationship Arwyn did claim that she thought we were together because God intended it to be so, I was under the impression that there was also some underlying attraction toward me. But this seems to be a mistaken belief. Or if there was some sort of attraction, it was very tenuous, at best. Whatever attraction there was, it’s pretty safe to say that it was not a physical attraction. Lots of women have been attracted to me for my mind, my morals, or my sense of humor. But my looks? My body? Not too many, although there seemed to be a few who enjoyed me. At least I have those memories and I have no regrets about them. Being wanted just for my body might get old after awhile, but being stuck in a state of body-lessness gets old in a hurry too. I’m glad I have had times when I could share physical enjoyment for the joy of it instead of for some other agenda. For most of the life of this blog, that agenda was basically her doing me because she wanted me off her back or because was feeling guilty. Either way, not a lot of room for enjoyment there.

As for me, I was trying to get what I thought I had coming, or deserved or just trying to satisfy the proverbial itch. Not a ton of room for enjoyment there, either, as I was always left wondering how long it would be until we would have sex again. Counting and keeping score were all symptoms of that mindset. How long could a body play that game until they drove themselves nuts?
So the result is, is that my sex drive has decreased markedly over the past year. I don’t want to have sex with someone who would rather clean the cat litter box than be naked with me. That’s not to say it has disappeared altogether, but it’s a lot easier to scratch my own itch rather than bother with someone who is so reluctant to do it for me. If it’s that much of a chore, I’m not going to bother.

So I found another outlet, and have been blogging it, but not publishing it. I was wondering where and how, and now I know. Sensual Dementia rides again! Warning: it won’t be safe for work. Bad news for a lot of you, but my long suffering fans of kink are about to hit the jackpot.


June 5, 2009

In my last entry, a couple of folks insinuated that I might be more into my laptop than my wife.  Hmm.  I have to think on that one.

I mean, my laptop is pretty reliable.  So far, turns on whenever I push the proper button.  In Windows, it takes awhile to warm up, but once it does, it runs pretty well.  In Linux, it turns on faster and responds quicker.

Note to whoever invents a digital robot spouse: needs to make sure that she is able to dual boot between OS platforms.

When Arwyn is so uninterested in me and resists whatever  overtures I make toward her (and not just sexual) then I’m going to find other things to occupy my time. And oddly enough, she spends as much time on the computer as I do.  In fact, I probably spend more time offline than she does because I do have other interests once the kids are in bed.  I had been watching Lost and a couple of other shows on Hulu.  I have also been reading a few books.  I also listen to a lot of podcasts and audio books.  These I do while she’s either sleeping or on the computer.

I love the internet because it is such a rich repository of knowledge.  When the tornado touched down here last year and I needed to fix the roof, I found video on Youtube on how to do it.  When I wanted to make pesto, I found the recipe and a video on Youtube on how to do it.  I’ve been trying to listen to a number of free audio books from Librivox.  Mark Twain stories go over well. Try Extracts from Adam’s Diary; hilarious!  Fannie Hill took a fair amount of time and was interesting in that different readers read different chapters.  But it is such a literary classic, everyone should read it or listen to it.  Pilgrims Progress does not go as easily and neither does Orthodoxy. But I have discovered that this is a good way to access good public domain literature while driving or doing something else where reading isn’t possible.  And I don’t know if I would go for literature any other way.

I also listen to a number of podcasts.  One of my favorite musical ones is Mark Gunn’s Irish and Celtic Music Podcasts.  It’s definitely worth checking out, even if you’re not Irish.

A while back, someone had mentioned that they were reading N.T. Wright.  I had to look him up.  Although I had heard of him, I hadn’t read him so decided I might get a book or two.  While waiting for my books, I was looking for podcasts and stumbled upon one he did with Anne Rice.

Anne Rice?  The woman who wrote about Vampires?

Yep.  That was the one.  I had no idea she had become a Christian and had been writing Christian novels/fiction.  So I got and just finished Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt. The non-Kindle version.  This is a curious book, but it is exceedingly well-written.  I recommend reading Rice’s testimony in the back of the book before reading the rest of it as it will help add a lot of the context.  Rice was raised a Catholic and returned to that flavor of faith when she was converted.  So there are more than a few influences of that in the novel.  However, there are enough things contained therein to offend pretty much anyone looking to be offended.  But if you remember that this is a work of fiction that contains a lot of research and scholarship, it should go down better which is why I recommend reading her ex[laination of how she came to write it.  You can also catch her podcast with NT Wright.

Wright writes a lot like CS Lewis, with that same sort of scholarly, English style of writing supported by the dry wit of someone who knows his material but also knows people.  I ordered two books.  I found that I sort of stalled out while reading For All God’s Worth and after 2 chapters picked up Rice’s book and read that one to completion.  But now I find I’m more easily able to handle it.  I’m also looking forward to reading Surprised by Hope.

So you see, I do have some other interests going on , in addition to considering a career change keeping and up with the boys who are each involved in different sports and activities.  And teaching Sunday School.

So I keep pretty busy with other things that function as diversions from the lack of intimacy in my marriage.  We’ve also had a hiatus from counseling for the past few weeks and I haven’t exactly missed it.

Okay, that’s enough content for the moment.  I’ll see if I can pick up the pace just a tad this summer, in between all my other stuff. Yeah, you may have noticed that blogging didn’t even make the above list of things occupying my time.


The Disconnect

December 28, 2008

Here’s something I picked up from the Christian Nymphos in an interview Cinnamonsticks did with Shannon Etheridge:


Christian Nymphos: What are the most significant things that you see competing
with young people growing up with a healthy sexual understanding?*

Shannon Ethridge: Most teens think that if they are ever going to have good hot
sex, they’d better do it now when they are single, because once they get married
they probably won’t see much action. Where do they get that notion? From tons
of things they see in the media (frigid wives, frustrated husbands), but mainly
from their own parents’ relationship. Over 90% of teens say they don’t want a
relationship like the one their parents have, and most that I talk to insist
that their parents don’t even have sex. I usually laugh and ask, “How do you
think you got here if your parents don’t have sex?” Then they’ll acknowledge,
“Well, my parents must have had sex before, but based on how they treat each
other, I can’t imagine that they do anymore.” This is a sad report card, and a
wake up call for us parents.

To me, this perfectly captures a problem with marriage in modern times, and especially within Christian homes. There is a real disconnect between what we say we want for our kids and and what they are actually seeing from us. I can hear the song and dance espoused by church people everywhere about sex is a beautiful and wonderful thing within the committed relationship of marriage. True love is worth waiting for and yadda, yadda, yadda. Sex within marriage is WONDERFUL and WORTH WAITING FOR!

I’m sorry kids, but that is SO not true. It is a lie. It is such a blatant lie that it really and truly undermines every other thing that comes out of the church door. It makes the church a caricature of itself. Are church people really that stupid or are they deliberately just being deceptive? Because I am not seeing it in either quality or quantity. I see the potential for something much richer, but it does not seem to be playing out in real life. Or perhaps I am not old enough (and have not suffered enough) to see it realized. Of course, I’m talking about a genuine sense of trust and intimacy with regards to sexual relations.

So now I’m thinking about Proverbs chapter 7

6 For at the window of my house
I have looked out through my lattice,
7 and I have seen among the simple,
I have perceived among the youths,
a young man lacking sense,
8 passing along the street near her corner,
taking the road to her house
9 in the twilight, in the evening,
at the time of night and darkness.

10 And behold, the woman meets him,
dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart.
11 She is loud and wayward;
her feet do not stay at home;
12 now in the street, now in the market,
and at every corner she lies in wait.
13 She seizes him and kisses him,
and with bold face she says to him,
14 “I had to offer sacrifices,
and today I have paid my vows;
15 so now I have come out to meet you,
to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.
16 I have spread my couch with coverings,
colored linens from Egyptian linen;
17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh,
aloes, and cinnamon.
18 Come, let us take our fill of love till morning;
let us delight ourselves with love.
19 For my husband is not at home;
he has gone on a long journey;
20 he took a bag of money with him;
at full moon he will come home.”

21 With much seductive speech she persuades him;
with her smooth talk she compels him.
22 All at once he follows her,
as an ox goes to the slaughter,
or as a stag is caught fast
23 till an arrow pierces its liver;
as a bird rushes into a snare;
he does not know that it will cost him his life.

24 And now, O sons, listen to me,
and be attentive to the words of my mouth.
25 Let not your heart turn aside to her ways;
do not stray into her paths,
26 for many a victim has she laid low,
and all her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is the way to Sheol,
going down to the chambers of death.

Okay, I’m having a problem here. If I just look at verses 13-18 alone and omit everything else– You know what? I would kind of like that sort of attention! Seriously, who would not want to be sought eagerly and be offered the best seat in the house and be invited to take our fill of love till morning? I think what makes the guy foolish is that he only hears that part and ignores the rest. But that is the siren call that lures men away. Women are under the grossly mistaken impression that when a guy is viewing porn, he is looking at a body and she has to compete for that perfect body. Those women could not be more mistaken. It is the portrayal of availability and eagerness that makes the women of prOn more attractive. A nice body doesn’t hurt, for sure. But I know guys who are married to some pretty nice looking women who have struggled with porn. The struggle didn’t exist because of their wife’s looks, it was more her attitude of unavailability. Prostitutes make the bulk of their money from married guys who are not getting certain things done at home. And a lot of these porn/prostitute consumers are Christian married men.

On our end of it, we have to struggle with the attitude of our own entitlement. Our own selfishness. This is really where I am. There has been sex here (very little), but it has been bad sex because there has been so little intimacy around it. On FTN’s Quality Sex Metric (FQSM) I scored like a 4.5 or something. It was about as low as a couple could possibly have while being naked together. Arwyn was not really into it and my own realization of that did not help matters. The lack of eagerness, the lack of responsiveness to my touch, the lack of her initiating anything resembling intimacy….it has added up to a giant FAIL around here. The therapist has been 0% help here. We have not been meeting too regularly due to childcare and scheduling issues. And when we do meet, it does not seem to be very productive. I do notice that for a Tuesday night session, Arwyn will often be somewhat receptive on a Sunday or Monday night so there is a sort of accountability factor there. But she isn’t really into sex as a recreational activity. She never really has been although I think I was fooled into thinking it was early on.

So I am in a state of not being particularly festive. I have zero interest in going to a prostitute because what I really want is a relationship. I really want sex to be part of that relationship. Why am I being led to think that that is asking too much? And what of all the kids growing up in this sort of climate? There really isn’t a good way to talk about sex (or relationships) with them without being hypocritical about the mess that we live in. That I live in.

By not wanting sex with me, Arwyn might be living more authentically than I am. Why should I want intimacy with someone who seems to find me so unattractive? It’s not just about the sex. Stand back a minute while I noodle this out…

I say I want intimacy, which I define as knowing and being known. But it is also about being valued and having my values valued in a reciprocal fashion. I’m not exactly all sure about what that sort of reciprocity would look like exactly, since the person with the lowest desire for intimacy ultimately controls it. And that person is not me. In a sense it seems as though that the only people who are going to get as much intimacy as they want are the people who have the least need and desire for it. Such an odd and unfair economy. Arwyn exhibits very little desire for intimacy from me, or at least the sort of desire I want and need. She likes my time and my acts of service, but giving those does not translate into filling any of my intimate needs. Right or wrong, sex is a big part of that marital reciprocal expectation. If asking for more intimate acts are so far removed from Arwyn’s core values, she will never make any meaningful changes in that direction and it is unfair of me to ask her to make such an accommodation. All such sex would translate into mercy sex or pity sex or guilt sex, which it seems to be the most consistent part of the sexual diet. Ar least the diet consisting of two people. A one-person diet enables me to get along, but that might be part of the problem, too. I’m getting along miserably instead of being angry and confrontational. Geez, what kind of choice it THAT?!?!

At Least the Suspense is over

October 25, 2008


Each year at this time, I keep wondering where things might go and I look back to where I’ve been. And by reading a lot of you, you know what I’m talking about because a lot of you are football fans. And perhaps Charlie Brown fans.

It was an enjoyable day today, overall. But I was kind of hoping for a bit…er…more. And it is mostly my fault for expecting stuff that I may have no business expecting. I mean, it’s always been this way, and I’ve always landed on my back without kicking that football. But each year I have this hope that THIS will be the year. Afterall, there have been some remarkable breakthroughs. This time last year I was in the middle of a 2 year drought. So we are already better off and two weeks isn’t all that big of a deal mostly.

I was at 196 last year and now I’m closer to 206, and going in the wrong direction! I need to get wit the program!

I got new socks (black!) shorts that were on clearance (it’s cold here in Georgia– 46 or something like that!) and some new exercise shorts. So I’ll have to make a new video or two. And Arwyn did take us out to eat to a place I’ve gotten to like the past few months for their zalads. We put the kids to bed and then it was bed time for one of us. Blog time for the other.

It’s actually bed time for me, now, but I figured I would sort of live blog here. Going to give this here couch a work out first, though.

Fun Things to Do

October 11, 2008

Arwyn and the boys were out of town, and I had the place to myself for almost the whole week, Monday-Friday. They got back Friday afternoon and I was really glad to see them. But it was also nice to have a week where I could do whatever I wanted. And I really did have fun.

– 1 bottle of wine (That took a coule of days)
– 1 6 pack of beer (As a tribute to the first Republican VP candidate…also took 2 days)
– 1 gallon of ice cream. Butter Pecan + chocolate almond. That took less time than either of the alcoholic beverages
– 1 pound dark chocolate M&Ms
– 1/2 pound cashews
– 3 rented DVDs (American Pie Wedding, Jurassic Park 3, 300)
– Catching up on other’s blogs and commenting – while buck naked
– Getting my blog traffic back up by starting a flame war
– NOT smoking
-Rode a couple miles on the bike

Looking at this list, it’s pretty clear that I tend toward being self-destructive and excess when she and the kids are away. But I also did do some bike riding and didn’t smoke, which is good. The smoking bit was actually really, really hard which is probably why I indulged in other various vices. But Arwyn does help me be a better person and want to be a better person. By the end of the third day, I was ready for her and the boys to come home. It was a nice break, but I’m glad its over too. It was like a mini-vacation which made me appreciate what I have even more.

And you can only imagine the weight gain this week. Egad, I have some serious work to do right through the holidays to make up for this one!