One Way to Get Things to Change

April 14, 2013

After years and years of drifting aimlessly and without any movement whatsoever, it now appears that there is something.

After losing my SL GF, I set up an avi with my blog name, hoping that perhaps someone from over here might crossover there.  But alas, for whatever reason, that ship has sailed.  The blog world isn’t what it used to be and neither is Secondlife.  Blogging was at its peak arounnd 2008 and SL at about the same time.   Facebook might be partially to blame as it has been taking over just about everything non-Google.

Anyway, I did eventually meet someone else while in this new avi and it seemed like the most awesome relationship ever.  I invited me into my little RP world and she became an elf and she quickly became MY elf.  Life was wonderful.  Except for a couple of things.  First I had an actual job requiring me to not be inworld.  And I also still have vestiges of a lofe outside of the internet with my kids.

All of this came into a glaring and frightful head about a month ago.  I was online with my elf girl and it was about midnight.  We were chatting and were actually having a bit of an argument about me continuing to be friends with my old fae GF. It was not the best chat in the word because I might have had a little wine, too.  I took a time out and stepped out on the patio for a smoke.  I hastily put the cig out in a peat pot and went back in and resumed the heated online conversation.  Of all the STUPID things.

About an hour later, I heard a ruckus in the kitchen as Arwen had gotten up.  She was sleeping in the other room and woke up.  I heard her cry out “FIRE” and I knew.

What happened next was a frantic blur.  I closed my laptop and quickly walked to the window of the patio to see it brightly lit where it should have been dark.  I open the garage door and Arwen presumably went to work getting the kids out.  I went to get the garden hose.

My thought was that I might be able to yet get this thing since it was confined to the patio.  Problem: My hoses we all on the covered patio.  I reached for the first one I saw and it melted in my hand while the inferno was blazing around me.  I did manage to get ahold of a decent spool of hose and drug it around to the side of the house where there was a spigot.  I looked up as the flames climber toward the peak of the roof on the outside toward the electrical wires.  I realized was not going to win this fight.  At all.  I left the hose and ran to the front of the house where Arwyn was crying because she could not find one of our cats.  My youngest was crying about us now bwing homeless.  And my oldest…..I did not see.

I went back into the house and found him sort of wondering in his room as the house was filling with smoke and got him out and then proceeded to grab my two laptops, phone and wallet.  By this time the fire department was there and and after fidding with the hydrant in our lawn that did not work managed to get a hose from another down the street.  I got our cars out of the garage (Getting Arwyn’s involved grabbing keys from the burning kitchen behind a fireman) and was finally able to make use of the garden hose to wash and cool the burns I received during my aborted fire fighting attempt.

I did end up being ambulanced to the local burn clinic where I spent the night.  And I was relieved when I learned that the second cat had been located and rescued.  So everyone made it out okay.  I got 2nd degree burns on my face, hands and arms but was otherwise okay.

So, needless to say, things have been a bit traumatic this past month.  The house is pretty much a total loss.  We salvaged some things, but most of it is smoke and water damaged.  The fire had gotten in the attic and went all the way through.  One silver lining was that we happen to have a super insurance plan so have been fairly well taken care of on that score.  We also have two churches that have really stepped in and helped out in lots of ways.  We have a wonderful place to live at the moment while our house is being rebuilt.  The rebuilt house is going to be far nicer and better than the house we originally bought.

And this has changed our relationship, Arwyn and I.  I’ll get to that in a separate post since this mainly provides important background information.  But one could argue that a fire was literally lit under us.  Is it good or bad?

I suppose it depends on how you look at it.

As far as my SL elf, I was all over in love with her, but when the going got tough, she got going.  A week after the fire, with my hands bandaged and barely able to type, we called it quits.  She basically got tired of me not being there for her.  Nevermind my house burned down and I was burnt!  So getting out from under that was a blessing though she played her own role in helping me to see that Arwyn and I were in a deep stalemate that was bound to break as soon as one of us met someone else.

One of the hardest things about this fire was the fact that I started it from my own carelessness.  And EVERYONE, without exception ALWAYS asks “How did the fire start?”  My stock answer is “Stupidity” and try to leave it at that.  Qutting smoking is a bear and even though I did it before, I knew it was going to be bitch to go through that again.  I discovered e-cigarettes and that has worked really well for me so far.  I’m not a super heavy smoker, but there is a huge relief in having no smoke and no ash and no butts and no smell to worry about.  I have not told Arwyn yet, but will do that before my next post just so I got something fresh to update.

We are back in couples counselling with a different counsellor.  And true enough, I think maybe things would have been different if we had her in our earlier attempt.  But then again, maybe no.





NYE Retrospective

January 1, 2013

New Year’s Eve has long been one of my most feared and disliked of all holidays.  While I like wishing people happy new year’s I’m not sure I buy into the hype.  Everywhere, people are hoping and wishing THIS will be the year.  It might be, and then again it might not.  We might have another drought and then again we might have a “normal” year.  Whatever that means.

In the annals of my adult life, I have had more sad and lonely New Year’s Eves than ones with loving and kisses.  It’s a nice tradition to end the old year with a bang and start the new one off right.  Unfortunately I did not marry someone who holds true to that line of thought.  More on that one in just a second, but the pre-Arywn days might be instructive.

I can not remember having a NYE kiss in either high school or college.  Got drunk plenty of times, but I guess I never found the right drunk girl!  It wasn’t until after I graduated and after my first real heartbreak that I seemed to have found a few of those moments.  Dec. 31st, 1989 @ 11:59 I got kissed by a girl in a bar and we dated for a few months after.

January 1st, 1991 @ 12:05 I got kissed by a drunk girl at a party who kissed several of us guys.  She had been divorced for about a month and was cutting loose.  I think she got quite a few date invitations after that, and mine was one of the lucky ones.  For the next 4 months I became a pretty regular sex toy for this lady who was about a decade older than me.  I won’t lie…she WAS good and I learned a LOT from her….the good the bad and the ugly.  By August of that year she was remarried…to someone else.

December 31st, 1992 @ 11:30 pm – Jan 1st, 1993 @ sometime after the ball dropped:  Probably my best NYE EVER!   I happened to be with a girl who WAS very sentimental about these sorts of things, and we rang out the old and rang in the new in very proper fashion.  Namely we were naked.  We had already been dating since early spring, and this would be the high point of our relationship I think.  Unfortunately we did not make to the next New Year.

Jan 1st, 1994 @ 12:01 a.m.or so.  Was at a party and actually did just kiss a girl out of the blue because she was there and I was there and it was midnight….why not?  Within the next hour I was kissing up on another girl whom I really wanted to date but in both cases…we just remained friends.

January 1st, 1995 @ 12:01 – Even though I was dating the girl who would become my wife, I was ringing in this one solo as she went back home to her family for the holidays.

December 31st, 1996 we were married and spent the holidays with family.  There MIGHT have been a kiss at one of those NYE parties but I honestly can’t remember.  That WAS a big year with being just married and all, and perhaps it says something about my sad state that I don’t even remember.  “Sad state” being defined as me being an ass.

If memory serves me right, that really was the end of the NYE celebrating as a couple.  In 1997 she was in nursing school and we might have gone to a party at some point with some friends, but again, I don’t really remember and I can’t really blame the drinking because I was doing very little of it by this time.  In 1998, my wife was very pregnant and was sound asleep when the ball dropped.  And this would be the pattern for about the next 10 years.  I would stay up and be watching TV or be on the computer and she would be asleep.

Last year, I was in SL with my SL GF and we were, in a manner of speaking, skyclad and we were ringing in the new year with some fine pose-ball induced pixel grinding.  It was a really nice way to get rid of the old and bring in the new.  The problem with these sorts of things, if you look at the history, is that ringing in the new year with someone does not guarantee you will ring it in with them the next year.  And so it was this year.  my girl was somewhere in RL, ringing it in with real sex with a real guy somewhere.

OH…and I have the house to myself as my wife, 2 kids and both cats are in Florida with her mother.

This could have been one of those “Get drunk and cry alone” NYE moments, but I was really determined to stave that off.  So I did go into SL where there was a virtual party and a virtual dance and my elf did end up having a great time with one of the other ladies there. She was not an elf or faery.  She’s a fallen angel!  Haha…I find that humorous for some reason.

No, no naked pixel grinding, but loads of just emoting and bonding and just being there in a real romantic sense and connecting.  It’s not an easy thing to explain to anyone who has not actually been there.  Except I do know that I have readers who have connected with me in a way through this blog, and I’ve connected with you.  We’ve swapped stories and comments and thoughts and emotions.  Just put that in a virtual environment where the responses and feedback are instant.  So I rang in the New year across several time zones with the little, sweet fallen angel.  Thus I did not feel lonely or deprived but it was just good company, which is what I needed most.

In SL, girls outnumber guys by about 3:1, with roughly half that number or more being guys who are playing girls.  Heck, the little fallen angel could be a guy!  But she plays her part well enough, I don’t even want to know any different.  Let me have my fantasy!  I have a better understanding of this than many because I have a couple of female characters who DO play the fantasy girls for specific guys.  Do they have any idea the person on the other side is a guy?  Nope.  And I intend to keep it that way.  And as long as the integrity of the play is kept, there should be no reason for it to be an issue.  More often than not, a guy will assume the role of a bisexual female who will even prefer the company of other females.   I’ve encountered more than one of these, who will play the part of a female but get a bit offended when the girl they are playing with turns out to be another guy thus ruining their little lesbian fantasy play.  My girls play all girls who prefer the company of guys. I might write more about that when the fancy to do so hits me.  Suffice it to say my girls are hawt!

I DO hope for the best for all of you in 2013.  2012 was a little bit rough in a lot of ways, but I am generally better off at least financially now than I was a year ago, outside of my virtual love life.  And even if my blogging becomes scarce again, know that I do often think of you with fond memories and thoughts.  Even if I might fuss a bit and go after an occasional reader/commenter you all represent a very real and concrete piece of my support.  And it’s only been the past 2 weeks or so where I realized I needed a place to go to vent my spleen about various issues and needed something outside of SL.  This space is not the most popular space but it might be the most important to me.  so thanks to you all for being a part of it!

Keeping it Real

December 28, 2012

Hehe…thank you Xi for that inspiration!

My return here is sort of predicated on the idea that this has been an enormous source of support in the past, as we had a rather lively and diverse group who were all sort of struggling with something similar at a particular point in time.

The times, they have changed.  And for a lot of the old gang, it hasn’t been for the better.  In fact, I do not know of a single one in my old blogroll who managed to pull out the proverbial miracle.  The ones who are happiest seem to be the ones who have gotten out of their old situations and started completely over.  But that is no guarantee either.  I occasionally hear from a few, and have heard a few of their heartbreaking stories.  Maybe they are the only ones who check back in.  The ones who don’t are too busy having fun and sex and good times and sex!

As I’ve aged, the sex part has decreased in importance, but it still remains a very real predictor of intimacy for me.  There should be room for some naked fun between a real husband and wife.  Now certainly there are a few who are perfectly happy leading celibate lives.  For those of you where that is true, you are reading the wrong blog.  You can go now…Go shop at Katie’s Etsy store!

For everyone else, the reality is that endorphin depletion and deprivation leads to things like clinical depression which leads to all sorts of dark places mentally and emotionally.  I’ll never forget a low libido commenter who once said “No one ever dies from lack of sex.”  That is actually untrue.  Lots of people die from it, but they die so agonizingly slow and so ensconced in loneliness that no one ever sees or notices that they are slipping away.  It’s not the sex alone, it is the intimacy and connection that goes with it.  This is a package deal.  Your car runs just fine without air conditioning, but if you live in Georgia you will spend most of the year looking forward to November and then dreading March.  And you will suffer mightily for what might be considered nonessential.

I basically have a marriage that is like the car with no AC, vinyl seats and an old AM radio.  It sort of functions, but it’s not something I look forward to spending any time with at all.

Secondlife has been my escape from a relationship that is simply hostile.  I find other reasons to get up and carry on and one of those is logging on.  And through that I rediscivered the joy of having someone who wanted to spend time around me, be with me for who I was beyond the wallet.  It’s true…I have an avatar that makes the ladies drool.  I also have another avatar that makes the guys drool!  Haha!  I know what it takes to look good in SL, where it isn’t about genetics.  And then, when you get to hang out with someone enough you get past the looks and see what’s underneath…where it counts.

In a perfect world, there wouldn’t even be a need for games, TV, sports or diversions.  We could just be with our mates in the garden of Eden.  But we don’t live in that world at all.  If I want anything resembling a sex life or even a decent friendship, it isn’t going to be with Arwyn.  She’s not even that good a roommate!   So I develop connections and relationships elsewhere.  Which is what a lot of my other blog friends did and have done.  I’m not saying they are any better off, but neither are they any worse.

Why didn’t I think of this before?

December 26, 2012

Shoot.  I should have done this 3 years ago!  Well…better late than never.

It just hit me that I could link this here blog with me in SL.  And so I did.  I created an avatar named …..wait for it….

DiggerJones (or DiggerJones Resident or just Digger Jones) in Second Life!  I’m kinda excited about it.  I got an avatar that is a slightly younger and more drool-worthy of my real self.   Actually I’m still working on him.

SO, if you want to meet me virtually, it could not be easier.  Go to the secondlife site, pick an avatar, and once you get inworld, look me up and send me an IM!  I might b inworld or I might not.  But we might be able to set something up where we meet.  It IS free to join, though to really get access to the best stuff, you gotta pay a few L$.

But I’ll be happy to help you out.  There are places to get some decent free stuff and a few things you can do to make your SL a little more rewarding.  It’s in what you’re looking for.

Once I get my avatar put together the way I like, I’ll post pics.  This might be a great way to keep this blog going.  Only 61 more posts to #500!