MGTOW – Where was I when this party started?

September 19, 2015

Howdy ho!  To whomever is still around…

I knew I would be back here at some point because I keep seeing articles and news stories that catch my eye and I think “Gosh, these would make some good blogging topics!”  But the rest of my life would get in the way or I would get busy binge-watching old episodes of Survivor.  For the past few days I’ve been watching videos and visiting sites relating to this idea of MGTOW.  Men Going Their Own Way.  It’s a very interesting movement and the most serious adherents would probably claim that I have no legitimate business being part of it.  But I beg to differ.

First off, following the above link might not provide a very succinct description of what the movement is about.  Basically, it is men withdrawing from the dating game in a realization that society has stacked the deck against them in the social, economic and political arenas when it comes to relationships and marriage thanks largely to a feminist agenda.  I’m sure I have had a feminist reader or two (but prolly not much after today) but the MGTOW movement, while recognizing that men are victims of a rigged system, do not necessarily hate women.  They simply distrust them.  And instead of having an agenda that seeks to turn the clock back (like many traditionalists would do) they simply come to the realization that the entire game is simply not worth it.  And so they go their own way.  Which is to say, they aren’t interested in marriage or relationships with women.

It’s not really a new thing at all, now that it comes to me.  Monasteries and Convents have espoused a similar view for centuries, except instead of individuals going their own way, they decided to go God’s way.  I visited a local monastery a couple of times during the past year and bought a book on the subject and have to admit that there was some appeal to the concept of withdrawing from the fight altogether.  heaven knows my life over the past few years has become more and more monastic in the way it looks.  Other than the occasional porn.   But even right down to spending more time outside, with my newest hobby: beekeeping.  A body can learn a lot about about females when you are spending time with about 60,000 of them.

MGTOW is a movement that would seem tailor-made for a person like me except for one thing: I’m married.  The fundamental tenet of the movement (and the monastic movement) is that you eschew marriage and relationships in order to devote yourself too other things.  The secular version seems to be about devoting oneself to oneself.  But regardless, the focus is on investing oneself into other things besides the modern practice of constantly chasing and seeking after female approval and validation.

Before I go a lot further, I’m well aware that women suffer from similar conditions: seeking after male validation and approval.  However I don’t believe it is as acute as it is for men and I’ll explain why that is presently.

When I look at my present circumstances, and any sort of quest for freedom, happiness or contentment, I find myself staring down a very deep abyss that has kept me from making any sort of move since starting this blog.  Basically, the one suggestion that I have never taken but has been suggested over and over and over again is the route of divorce.   Family law takes a dim view of a guy walking away just for the hell of it.  While sexual inertness could be a just cause in some eyes, the law doesn’t see it on the same terms as infidelity.  Walking away would be a case of economic and familial Armageddon.  It would be mean putting the kids through a lot of turmoil, it would mean a terrible drop in our standard of living, which already rests right on the poverty line.  This does not mean I could never exercise that option, but what we have going now is probably the best option.  Basically, I have my space and she has hers.  And we share the kids while I pay for pretty much all the necessities and she pays for what she wants.

I’m sure I have mentioned it before, but Arwyn is not very good at managing resources of any sort.  So my presence does at least provide some financial stability for the boys as they grow up and hopefully get to a spot where they might be able to fend for themselves.  There’s mitigating circumstances on that as well, relating to disabilities but I’m thinking I’ll end up taking that on eventually on my own.  At least I’m prepared to do that if/when necessary.

One thing about the MGTOW movement is that there has not really been much of a conversation about guys like me: guys who discovered the “Red Pill” only after already being married.  Most f the movement’s energy is directed toward preventing guys from making the mistakes we’ve already made.  Which is all fine and good, but I think there is a place for us married guys at the table.  Afterall, we have inside knowledge of what the danger signs are and what awaits the unwary and hapless fellow who happens to get involved to the point where he’s looking at all of the liabilities and none of the benefits of marriage.

I’m certain Arwyn has weighed the pros and cons of divorce in her own mind.  If I were making more money to be able to afford lots of child support and alimony, she would have either kicked me out or moved out a long time ago as she isn’t much happier than I am with where we are in the marriage.  We haven’t acknowledged our wedding anniversary for about 5 years and it’s been about that long since I made any effort towards valentines day.  I do help the boys pick out stuff for her for Christmas and her birthday.  In a lot of ways, we have sort of gone our own way.   But there is still expectations that I pay for everything, take care of the house and the food while not having a lot of say in what happens within the house.  I can;t leave my little office without her rushing at me to fix or solve some problem that she has with her stuff or with the boys.  I’m expected to continue to be her utility while she gets to be…I suppose a baby sitter?

The kicker is that I haven’t really seen any indication that this condition would be substantially improved living with a different woman.  In fact it could be a lot worse if I was living with someone who screamed and yelled all the time.  Sure, there hasn’t been any sex in over 5 years but it’s not like the sex was that great before that.  Basically I’ve arrived at the dominant conclusion within the MGTOW movement: The pussy just isn’t worth it.

To be fair, I have absolutely no doubt that there are women who have arrived at a similar conclusion when it comes to men, except that a premium has never really been placed on male sexuality as much as his ability to provide.  However the women who gravitated here were ones who had the misfortune of seeing their own sexual values minimized, which given all of the sexual stereotypes amounted to a sort of wild blind-side.   I’ve seen pics of a few and these were not ugly women either.  They simply ended up with guys who checked out of the typical sexual game far earlier than expected.  I’m not dismissing these ladies at all, but I can only relate best to my own experience.

If I decide to, I might expound more on the topic as I think more on it.  It’s what has been resonating with me lately, although I’m not as much onto disliking women as much as many of the folks in the MGTOW universe.  Women are people and aren’t inherently better or worse than men, although in the modern climate I’m not sure that women and men are necessarily good for each other.  Arwyn is not necessarily a bad person, but I don’t think she has ever really and truly valued me in the same way I valued her.  At some point I became a utility and a non-person except when she had some need.  I might have been going about things in a similar fashion in going after her to meet my sexual needs, but I was at least willing to look for some common ground and willing to try to negotiate.  Now that the sexual shop is closed, I find I’m still doling out the utility but get zero in return.  I find over time I’m less willing to simply go along with her crap just because.

 

 

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Taking A Step

May 11, 2013

“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,” he used to say. “You step into the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.
J.R.R. Tolkien

 

All journeys begin with a first step of one sort or another.  And tonight, we took one, Arwyn and I.  At least this is how the therapist put it; taking a significant step.

We had not met with our therapist for several weeks, not since the session right before the movie.  You DO remember “Date Night” right?

I had honestly been thinking about our little homework assignment since that time, but we have both been so busy, it would have been such a contrived thing.  But I went back and forth on it.  Arwyn is who she is, which means she is not really a sexual creature, at least with me.  I honestly could not see how I could do anything meaningful to change anything.  The 3 weeks passed and in that amount of time, Arwyn and I did have a few battles about money as we are in full-blown house reconstruction mode.  And there are ooodles and oodles of decisions to be made and all of them involve money.  My opinion of Arwyn’s handling of money is not very high at all.  In my mind, giving her a large pile of cash is like giving a teenager a bottle of whiskey and the keys to the car.

These money squabbles were discussed some and it was amazing how she claimed to have discussions that we didn’t have.  Arwyn has demonstrated before that she is willing to engage in deception, if not outright lying, but sometimes my brain CAN get addled.  But not about money.

We moved from the money and got into a discussion about our sleeping arrangements in the new house.  Here in our temp house, I have been in my room/office and she has been upstairs in the master bedroom.  This is similar to what it was before the fire.  So for quite some time, we have kept our own spaces.  Even before that, you might recall that she slept in the inverted sleeping position for years and years.  Here’s an old post from the old blog in order give you a little idea as to what those days were like.  I look at a few of the comments from back then, and see the truth I could not see then.

I stated that I really could not see Arwyn and I sharing space, much less a bed together.

At this point, I think our therapist went back to parsing out what was happening.   This was not something that was just a year or two or three in the making.  She started asking when and how long this business of seperating and the lousy/sparse sex had been going on.  Let’s see…our youngest is 11…so a good long while.  So she asked Arwyn how long she has been sexually disengaged.  Arwyn went back to about 1999.  When the therapist asked her if she could envision sharing a bed or having a real sexual relationwhip with me again, Arwyn stated she could not.

So how did I feel about that?  This happened to be the therapists question and I had to think a bit.  Honestly, I felt slightly relieved.  It was a truth I had been feeling for a very long time.  It was actually some relief to have it right out there.  And that answered the question about sleeping arrangements.  We were each keen to have our own space and this new house would enable that as we had closed off an area to make an office about the size of the master bedroom.  That would be my space.

“You do realize this is the first step to you no longer being a couple, right?”  Our therapist was making sure we understood.

I pointed out this had been a matter of fact and truth for a very long time.  At least now we were being explicit about it.  It was now an honest move, and perhaps one of the first real and genuine ones Arwyn and I have made in years and one that we both agreed on.

Many of you saw it coming a long time ago.  Some did back in 2005, but I felt like I had to give it my best.  And I really think I did.  But Arwyn had already checked out years earlier.  Whatever I did was too little or too late and nothing I did could dent that wall.  This does not mean there is no caring between us.  Or even a love of a sort.  But we are definitely not in IN love.  Not as what I would construe as husband and wife.

Our therapist seemed to resign at this point.  Neither of us were fighting or contending for this marriage.  I suppose as long as one of us was willing to try there was always some hope.  But I’m spent and have not the energy for a campaign or long siege.

I readily admit that the first few years of our marriage I fucked up.  I was pretty horrid and useless and Arwyn suffered for it.  But I did spend time trying to atone for those early sins.  And I did suffering of my own, long and mightily.  At some point, the suffering ceases to be instructive and is simply pointless.  That doesn’t mean I won’t continue to suffer.  But at least it will be in my own space.  And maybe…perhaps…it will lessen slightly.  We can finally be honest without the pretense and the charade.  I just don’t have the energy or time for that.

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

 

 

 

 


Date Night

April 21, 2013

You can read my review of the movie itself on my other blog.

But this is a review of the date itself.  I’m suddenly having flashbacks of Chuck Woolery.

Basically the date was sort of set up by Arwyn with help from her church which was offering childcare for couple from 6-10 p.m. which is prime time for a date night.  And it was set up for this particular movie so as many as possible could go as wanted.  The church was a good distance from the theater so after dropping the kids off, we went straight there.  We had already gotten our tickets through Fandango as she had heard that some shows were selling out.  This would not be one of those sold out showings though.

I had bought some candy for us ahead of time, which I thought was a good move.  And got some caramel/chocolate candies which is a combination she generally likes.  We waited a bit in the lobby before finding and entering our theater.  Once seated, I went and bought us each drinks.

We had good seats where we could actually stretch or put our feet up.  The theater never completely filled up but there were a lot of people there.  Almost all of them from Arwyn’s church.  This made the entire movie experience different as a parade of people came up and introduced themselves or just walked up to say ‘hi’ or just to talk.  In other words, there was a lot more chatter and talking than one would typically experience at the movies as everyone seemed to know one another.  I was a bit put off by this, as it felt like being in church rather than a movie.  Except without the need for earplugs, which is a requirement for me in her church.

Keep in mind, there was some homework that was supposed to be done.  But Arwyn sat in such a way that her hands were neatly folded in her lap.  I would have to be bold indeed to go for a hand hold.  And I was simply not feeling that bold.  I diid at various times lean against her, hoping she might lean back, but she never did.  I had MY hands readily accessible on the arm rests, but she never made any advances.  So there was no hand holding or leg rubbing during this movie.   And I wish there would have been, because the movie felt a but overly long to me.  However I can’t help but also think that the religious nature of the movie as well as being surrounded by her fellow congregants  might have worked to suppress things.  In my mind, while I was not going to rebuff or work against Arwyn, neither was I going to throw myself in front of the proverbial bus.

After the movie, on the way out, Arwyn did finally grab my hand, which was nice.  But whereas I might have wanted to dawdle and linger a bit to en joy it, she was walking very briskly.  I made the mistake of asking what time it was, thinking that maby she was worried about being late for something.  But she had no idea and the hand hold was broke as she went to fish for her phone.  And that was the end of that.  There was no more hand holding or anything at all.  It was done.  We did talk a bit about the movie on the way to get the boys but that was kind of the extent of the conversation.

The date ended when we got to the church and she picked up the boys and we drove home.  I went to my room, and the boys went to theirs and she went to hers.  No kiss good night, no sparks.

This would be the part where we see who the audience picked and I decide if I want who they pick or stick with this one.  Hmm…I wonder who the audience WOULD pick?  I might be tempted to go with their choice, simply because I am a cheapskate and the idea of letting them pick up the tab would have some appeal.

Why couldn’t I ever have any connections like this one?


Intimacy vs Sex and Strange Pussy

December 31, 2012

SOMEBODY really found a way to push my buttons!

*grumbles*

The questions (and there are a couple of them here) deal with what is intimacy, and how sex relates to it, if at all.  Oddly enough, my SL GF and I have had this exact discussion.  Since she has a RL BF, she decided to close up shop on the pixel grinding.  In a way, I can kind of respect that.  However her insistence on trying to still hold on to me in a sexless (even a virtually sexless one) gins up resentment that only readers here could possibly understand.

The central gist of this question is to somehow attempt to divorce sex from intimacy.  Our low libido folks will happily and readily chime in “YES!  There are all sorts of ways to have intimacy without having to be naked!”  And they are right.  You can cuddle, hold hands, kiss, go to movies, look into each others eyes, hug, talk about your feelings, and even talk about your problems.  All of these are ways to be intimate.  You can share hobbies and dance and wine and dine your way right into someones heart.

Can sex be divorced from intimacy?  Oh yes!  The entire porn and sex industry is built upon this proposition that you can get a sexual buzz without the bothersome baggage of intimacy.  There was an interesting TED talk on condoms in Africa where they were trying to get guys to wear them to prevent the spread of HIV.  What do you think about before getting a condom?

So there CAN and absolutely is a disconnect between sex and intimacy in the world today.  But is it right?  It probably often is a matter of circumstances.  For spouses separated because of war, or health issues there is a challenge here.  I might propose SL might be a possible solution for some.  Just a thought.  But let’s put the extreme circumstance to the side and let’s look at a more typical situation where there are two relatively healthy people living in the same house and possibly even sharing the same bed.  They can certainly live without sexual intimacy.  And if they BOTH agree, they can be pretty happy.

The problem comes when one person unilaterally decides that this is not going to happen, and the other person simply has a choice.  Live with it.  Or not.  “Or not” is the loaded minefield.

Arwyn made a similar unilateral decision recently.  She made the decision to get another cat.  She has adopted one from her mother previously and I didn’t make a huge deal about it since her mother was not able to care for her and the cat was well-mannered.  It was okay.  I was in on and went along with that decision.  But one day I saw her cleaning the oversized dog kennel and I asked her what she was doing.  “Oh…just cleaning it up.”  I thought maybe she was going to give it away or something.  But a couple days later she had a kitten.  She not only did not consult me, she actively hid and deceived me about the whole thing.  I was pissed.  Of course I would have vetoed the idea and Arwyn knows why.  She had two cats when we got married and in both cases *I* was the one who had to take them somewhere where they would have to be killed.  I flat out told her I was not killing anymore animals.  But now we have two.  The boys adore those cats and I am not mad at them.  I’m as affectionate with them, and its not THEIR fault they were brought in to the house.  But when Arwyn asked me to hold this kitten so she could trim her nails without getting bitten, I totally refused and reminded her that she brought this animal in the house without me. SHE was going to take responsibility.

Intimacy is that two-way street where two people care for each other and look out for each others well-being and interest.  It absolutely takes two people to have intimacy.  you can’t have intimacy between two people if only one person is committed.  I might even argue that you can actually have better intimacy if NEITHER person is committed!  At least there is some agreement.  But that is a rarity.  Usually in a relationship at least one person has some sort of commitment.  Commitment and devotion are the hallmarks of intimacy.  Even if you are both committed to being uncommitted!

So what about sex?  When Arwyn committed herself to making the house as sexless as possible, it was akin to me taking her cat out and shooting it.  No warning, no consultation.  Just take the pussy out of it.  No more pussy.

Now unlike my wife, my SL GF gave me permission to pixelate with other women in SL.  She mistakenly believes that strange pussy is somehow a substitute.  The same mistake is being made here that our friend Strom Dweller makes: That sex is simply some interesting and nonessential little thing  that involves the real or virtual substitution and insertion of parts in order to meet a physical or mental need.  And perhaps this is a distinctly female way of thinking.  That’s not to say men can not separate the two because we do it all the time.  But surely I’m not the only guy that would rather have the intimacy and the sex wrapped into one package deal.  The second one of the partners makes this a nonessential option is the moment when you start breaking down intimacy.  You diminish the other person’s worth and relegate their needs into something nonessential.  And then we run into “OH!  All I am to you is someone who you can have sex with!”  Again, usually it is the female making this assertion to the bewilderment of the guy.  He wants the package deal and indeed thought he was getting the package deal.  But her accusation has just divorced the sex from the intimacy and makes him feel like some sort of lecherous perv for wanting to get naked with his own wife.

That’s not to say that guys can not be lecherous pervs, even with their own wives.  We all now this and I have seen the stories, including Storm Dweller’s, where there were times when she was simply used by her ex.  It’s not usually so simple.  If you feel like you are being used, it’s okay to talk about it.  Negotiate.  Those discussions can actually lead to MORE intimacy.  But most of those who are closing up shop absolutely refuse to even talk about it.  They like talking about sex even less than they like doing it.  At least when they do it, they somehow get it over with and avoid the talking parts.  I mean, what can you possibly complain about if she is actually putting out?  If you have the guts to address the lack of intimacy in the act, you’re going to get your balls handed to you in bits because now she will simply say you aren’t going to be satisfied unless she becomes some sort of porn star.

I guess this hits a nerve because it represents the conscious and deliberate peeling away of sex from intimacy.  As if these were meant to be two separate things.  Sometimes they are, yes.  They aren’t always inclusive all the time.  But my opinion is that these should be the exceptions and not the rule.  There might be circumstances, yes.  But making this “peeling-off” a standard and deliberate practice is like a steady diet of cardboard.  It’s not going to fill or satisfy or even be pleasant to any but the most starved souls.  It CREATES a starved soul!

Hehe…Digger is BACK!


Keeping it Real

December 28, 2012

Hehe…thank you Xi for that inspiration!

My return here is sort of predicated on the idea that this has been an enormous source of support in the past, as we had a rather lively and diverse group who were all sort of struggling with something similar at a particular point in time.

The times, they have changed.  And for a lot of the old gang, it hasn’t been for the better.  In fact, I do not know of a single one in my old blogroll who managed to pull out the proverbial miracle.  The ones who are happiest seem to be the ones who have gotten out of their old situations and started completely over.  But that is no guarantee either.  I occasionally hear from a few, and have heard a few of their heartbreaking stories.  Maybe they are the only ones who check back in.  The ones who don’t are too busy having fun and sex and good times and sex!

As I’ve aged, the sex part has decreased in importance, but it still remains a very real predictor of intimacy for me.  There should be room for some naked fun between a real husband and wife.  Now certainly there are a few who are perfectly happy leading celibate lives.  For those of you where that is true, you are reading the wrong blog.  You can go now…Go shop at Katie’s Etsy store!

For everyone else, the reality is that endorphin depletion and deprivation leads to things like clinical depression which leads to all sorts of dark places mentally and emotionally.  I’ll never forget a low libido commenter who once said “No one ever dies from lack of sex.”  That is actually untrue.  Lots of people die from it, but they die so agonizingly slow and so ensconced in loneliness that no one ever sees or notices that they are slipping away.  It’s not the sex alone, it is the intimacy and connection that goes with it.  This is a package deal.  Your car runs just fine without air conditioning, but if you live in Georgia you will spend most of the year looking forward to November and then dreading March.  And you will suffer mightily for what might be considered nonessential.

I basically have a marriage that is like the car with no AC, vinyl seats and an old AM radio.  It sort of functions, but it’s not something I look forward to spending any time with at all.

Secondlife has been my escape from a relationship that is simply hostile.  I find other reasons to get up and carry on and one of those is logging on.  And through that I rediscivered the joy of having someone who wanted to spend time around me, be with me for who I was beyond the wallet.  It’s true…I have an avatar that makes the ladies drool.  I also have another avatar that makes the guys drool!  Haha!  I know what it takes to look good in SL, where it isn’t about genetics.  And then, when you get to hang out with someone enough you get past the looks and see what’s underneath…where it counts.

In a perfect world, there wouldn’t even be a need for games, TV, sports or diversions.  We could just be with our mates in the garden of Eden.  But we don’t live in that world at all.  If I want anything resembling a sex life or even a decent friendship, it isn’t going to be with Arwyn.  She’s not even that good a roommate!   So I develop connections and relationships elsewhere.  Which is what a lot of my other blog friends did and have done.  I’m not saying they are any better off, but neither are they any worse.


Same Old Same Old and Complacency

September 4, 2011

Thank you all, whoever commented on my last V-day post!  I have no idea what prompts a post today except perhaps boredom or maybe just wanting to share a thought or two.  Labor Day Weekend for us U.S. folks.

OH…now I know what prompted me.  On a whim I was reading a few blogs in my blog feeds on a Google.  I don’t read much anymore at all, but caught a few from old friends who have published recently.  Always Aroused Girl is as prolific as she ever was, in more ways than one, although she recently complained of a 5 month sexual dry spell.  Ha!  I could do that on my head!  And have many times over…well…not all on my head.  That might be painful.

Gotta hand it to Xavier who keeps on plugging away with some pretty funny things. You have to laugh sometimes, because crying all the time just gets boring.

And finally, FADKOG, who continues to be regularly entertaining and funny.  These are the only three out f all the folks I once had in my google reader who showed up the past month.  Of course if the address or the feed changed, then I would lose people from that.  Or if you went and made it password protected.

Last entry I wrote spawned a number of comments about how complacency has set in for those in sexless marriages.  I think complacency might be something that many who have struggled with this situation would actually sort of hope to attain.  I mean we have moved past the fighting and the struggling and the bitterness, right?  Right?

Yeah, I am pretty complacent.  But I would not say that the bitterness is something that will ever completely go away.  I spent the best years of my life being absolutely sexless and hating it.  I’m bitter about both the sexless part and the hating it part.  I might have spared myself a lot of heartache if I could have discovered complacency a lot sooner!  But then…this blog would never have existed either.  Frustration and bitterness seems to be a rather powerful artistic muse.  Many of us have spent countless hours banging our frustrations away on the keyboard and publishing thoughts for the amusement of others.  And I have no regrets about that.  All that frustration sort of brought together a community of awesome people.

I know there are tons of people in the same boat as me.  So many, in fact, that I am a bit surprised when I come across someone who has been married for over 10 years with a couple of children who actually have full, satisfying and interesting sex lives.  THEY are the freaks, not me. *I* am one of the normal ones!  I always root for the youngsters getting married, but wait long enough and the old song begins to play again.  One of them loses interest and so the bed becomes a fairly cold and lonely place.  Many fights, quarrels and battles ensue as tension and discord runs high.  A power struggle ensues as each desperately tries to ‘win’.  At some point, the struggle gets so fierce that it tears a couple apart.  They go their separate ways.  And some will remarry and the struggle might start all over again.

But for the rest of us, Complacency sets in.  Complacency becomes a higher state of being that allows us to go through the motions and find joy in other things.  Complacency allows me to enjoy my children instead of resenting them for all the energy they took away from the marriage.  Besides, all that was just a bullshit excuse…it was NEVER their fault.  Arwyn just used them as convenient shields for her selfish lazy-ass behavior.  If it wasn’t them, it would be some allergy, sickness, tiredness, project…whatever the hell latest stress.

Complacency allows us to exist in a passionless space without a lot of fighting, arguing and drama.  As long as I am willing to forgo any illusion of passion, we can get along just fine.  In fact we get along better because I don’t have to listen to her bullshit excuses anymore.  In fact, I sorta quit listening to her complaints in general.  Complacency gives me permission to tune her out and not be bothered by whatever paranoid fear might be driving her at the moment.  I don’t feel like I have to fix anything because I accept that she is unfixable by any intervention that I might possibly conceive.  If she is unwilling to fix herself, it sorta saves me the bother of having to support her self-improvement efforts!  And she returns the favor, totally.  She never supported my efforts to stop smoking in any meaningful way, so my recovery is not dependent upon anything she may or may not do.  Complacency is pretty convenient and useful that way.

The main problem with Complacency is that while it allows you to live, it sorta sucks out any real internal drive to do anything beyond living.  Complacency is a rather passionless state of existence, being neither painless nor painful.  It is just sorta there, and numbs the pain of whatever one might be lacking so there is little incentive to strive for anything better and richer.  In a sense, it is settling for what you have without the better and happier relative of Contentment.  Complacency is sort of the gray boring area between Contentment and Discontent.

You don’t actually have to DO anything if you are Complacent, which is a good thing since it seems to occupy a space of extremely low energy.  To be anything other than complacent would require more energy.  Even happiness and contentment require some energy to protect and maintain them.  Complacency demands very little and gives very little in return.  But it has the virtue of being a very low-risk proposition, in that you pretty much know what you are getting once you reach this ultimate state of mediocrity.

Unlike apathy, complacency engenders more of a loss.  In apathy, nothing ventured nothing gained and who cares.  In Complacency, there is a capacity for caring and feeling, it is just choosing not to invest the energy to do anything about it.  I actually DO have a preference if given a choice but I seem to be in a state where nothing I like is on the menu so eat whatever is served.  What *I* like is not even offered and going somewhere else involves more of a battle than I am willing to fight.  So complacency allows me to swallow the the daily mushy gruel without throwing up.

Cheers to complacency!  I would toast with something stronger than sweet tea but just got over a hangover from last night’s indulgence.  Yes, Complacency allows me to indulge in other vices.  In fact, those vices sort of help attain and maintain this higher level of tolerance and acceptance.