Howdy ho! To whomever is still around…
I knew I would be back here at some point because I keep seeing articles and news stories that catch my eye and I think “Gosh, these would make some good blogging topics!” But the rest of my life would get in the way or I would get busy binge-watching old episodes of Survivor. For the past few days I’ve been watching videos and visiting sites relating to this idea of MGTOW. Men Going Their Own Way. It’s a very interesting movement and the most serious adherents would probably claim that I have no legitimate business being part of it. But I beg to differ.
First off, following the above link might not provide a very succinct description of what the movement is about. Basically, it is men withdrawing from the dating game in a realization that society has stacked the deck against them in the social, economic and political arenas when it comes to relationships and marriage thanks largely to a feminist agenda. I’m sure I have had a feminist reader or two (but prolly not much after today) but the MGTOW movement, while recognizing that men are victims of a rigged system, do not necessarily hate women. They simply distrust them. And instead of having an agenda that seeks to turn the clock back (like many traditionalists would do) they simply come to the realization that the entire game is simply not worth it. And so they go their own way. Which is to say, they aren’t interested in marriage or relationships with women.
It’s not really a new thing at all, now that it comes to me. Monasteries and Convents have espoused a similar view for centuries, except instead of individuals going their own way, they decided to go God’s way. I visited a local monastery a couple of times during the past year and bought a book on the subject and have to admit that there was some appeal to the concept of withdrawing from the fight altogether. heaven knows my life over the past few years has become more and more monastic in the way it looks. Other than the occasional porn. But even right down to spending more time outside, with my newest hobby: beekeeping. A body can learn a lot about about females when you are spending time with about 60,000 of them.
MGTOW is a movement that would seem tailor-made for a person like me except for one thing: I’m married. The fundamental tenet of the movement (and the monastic movement) is that you eschew marriage and relationships in order to devote yourself too other things. The secular version seems to be about devoting oneself to oneself. But regardless, the focus is on investing oneself into other things besides the modern practice of constantly chasing and seeking after female approval and validation.
Before I go a lot further, I’m well aware that women suffer from similar conditions: seeking after male validation and approval. However I don’t believe it is as acute as it is for men and I’ll explain why that is presently.
When I look at my present circumstances, and any sort of quest for freedom, happiness or contentment, I find myself staring down a very deep abyss that has kept me from making any sort of move since starting this blog. Basically, the one suggestion that I have never taken but has been suggested over and over and over again is the route of divorce. Family law takes a dim view of a guy walking away just for the hell of it. While sexual inertness could be a just cause in some eyes, the law doesn’t see it on the same terms as infidelity. Walking away would be a case of economic and familial Armageddon. It would be mean putting the kids through a lot of turmoil, it would mean a terrible drop in our standard of living, which already rests right on the poverty line. This does not mean I could never exercise that option, but what we have going now is probably the best option. Basically, I have my space and she has hers. And we share the kids while I pay for pretty much all the necessities and she pays for what she wants.
I’m sure I have mentioned it before, but Arwyn is not very good at managing resources of any sort. So my presence does at least provide some financial stability for the boys as they grow up and hopefully get to a spot where they might be able to fend for themselves. There’s mitigating circumstances on that as well, relating to disabilities but I’m thinking I’ll end up taking that on eventually on my own. At least I’m prepared to do that if/when necessary.
One thing about the MGTOW movement is that there has not really been much of a conversation about guys like me: guys who discovered the “Red Pill” only after already being married. Most f the movement’s energy is directed toward preventing guys from making the mistakes we’ve already made. Which is all fine and good, but I think there is a place for us married guys at the table. Afterall, we have inside knowledge of what the danger signs are and what awaits the unwary and hapless fellow who happens to get involved to the point where he’s looking at all of the liabilities and none of the benefits of marriage.
I’m certain Arwyn has weighed the pros and cons of divorce in her own mind. If I were making more money to be able to afford lots of child support and alimony, she would have either kicked me out or moved out a long time ago as she isn’t much happier than I am with where we are in the marriage. We haven’t acknowledged our wedding anniversary for about 5 years and it’s been about that long since I made any effort towards valentines day. I do help the boys pick out stuff for her for Christmas and her birthday. In a lot of ways, we have sort of gone our own way. But there is still expectations that I pay for everything, take care of the house and the food while not having a lot of say in what happens within the house. I can;t leave my little office without her rushing at me to fix or solve some problem that she has with her stuff or with the boys. I’m expected to continue to be her utility while she gets to be…I suppose a baby sitter?
The kicker is that I haven’t really seen any indication that this condition would be substantially improved living with a different woman. In fact it could be a lot worse if I was living with someone who screamed and yelled all the time. Sure, there hasn’t been any sex in over 5 years but it’s not like the sex was that great before that. Basically I’ve arrived at the dominant conclusion within the MGTOW movement: The pussy just isn’t worth it.
To be fair, I have absolutely no doubt that there are women who have arrived at a similar conclusion when it comes to men, except that a premium has never really been placed on male sexuality as much as his ability to provide. However the women who gravitated here were ones who had the misfortune of seeing their own sexual values minimized, which given all of the sexual stereotypes amounted to a sort of wild blind-side. I’ve seen pics of a few and these were not ugly women either. They simply ended up with guys who checked out of the typical sexual game far earlier than expected. I’m not dismissing these ladies at all, but I can only relate best to my own experience.
If I decide to, I might expound more on the topic as I think more on it. It’s what has been resonating with me lately, although I’m not as much onto disliking women as much as many of the folks in the MGTOW universe. Women are people and aren’t inherently better or worse than men, although in the modern climate I’m not sure that women and men are necessarily good for each other. Arwyn is not necessarily a bad person, but I don’t think she has ever really and truly valued me in the same way I valued her. At some point I became a utility and a non-person except when she had some need. I might have been going about things in a similar fashion in going after her to meet my sexual needs, but I was at least willing to look for some common ground and willing to try to negotiate. Now that the sexual shop is closed, I find I’m still doling out the utility but get zero in return. I find over time I’m less willing to simply go along with her crap just because.