Hehe…thank you Xi for that inspiration!
My return here is sort of predicated on the idea that this has been an enormous source of support in the past, as we had a rather lively and diverse group who were all sort of struggling with something similar at a particular point in time.
The times, they have changed. And for a lot of the old gang, it hasn’t been for the better. In fact, I do not know of a single one in my old blogroll who managed to pull out the proverbial miracle. The ones who are happiest seem to be the ones who have gotten out of their old situations and started completely over. But that is no guarantee either. I occasionally hear from a few, and have heard a few of their heartbreaking stories. Maybe they are the only ones who check back in. The ones who don’t are too busy having fun and sex and good times and sex!
As I’ve aged, the sex part has decreased in importance, but it still remains a very real predictor of intimacy for me. There should be room for some naked fun between a real husband and wife. Now certainly there are a few who are perfectly happy leading celibate lives. For those of you where that is true, you are reading the wrong blog. You can go now…Go shop at Katie’s Etsy store!
For everyone else, the reality is that endorphin depletion and deprivation leads to things like clinical depression which leads to all sorts of dark places mentally and emotionally. I’ll never forget a low libido commenter who once said “No one ever dies from lack of sex.” That is actually untrue. Lots of people die from it, but they die so agonizingly slow and so ensconced in loneliness that no one ever sees or notices that they are slipping away. It’s not the sex alone, it is the intimacy and connection that goes with it. This is a package deal. Your car runs just fine without air conditioning, but if you live in Georgia you will spend most of the year looking forward to November and then dreading March. And you will suffer mightily for what might be considered nonessential.
I basically have a marriage that is like the car with no AC, vinyl seats and an old AM radio. It sort of functions, but it’s not something I look forward to spending any time with at all.
Secondlife has been my escape from a relationship that is simply hostile. I find other reasons to get up and carry on and one of those is logging on. And through that I rediscivered the joy of having someone who wanted to spend time around me, be with me for who I was beyond the wallet. It’s true…I have an avatar that makes the ladies drool. I also have another avatar that makes the guys drool! Haha! I know what it takes to look good in SL, where it isn’t about genetics. And then, when you get to hang out with someone enough you get past the looks and see what’s underneath…where it counts.
In a perfect world, there wouldn’t even be a need for games, TV, sports or diversions. We could just be with our mates in the garden of Eden. But we don’t live in that world at all. If I want anything resembling a sex life or even a decent friendship, it isn’t going to be with Arwyn. She’s not even that good a roommate! So I develop connections and relationships elsewhere. Which is what a lot of my other blog friends did and have done. I’m not saying they are any better off, but neither are they any worse.