Social Shaping or Gaming Your Weight Loss

June 30, 2012

Okies, so yesterday I spilled about how bad things had gotten.  And that felt pretty good.  And when you lay it all out and look over the damages, the perspective sort of helps guide things a bit.  It’s not going to be easy, but staying the same isn’t easy either.

I can not control what Arwyn does, but I can control what I do and how I look.

Back on 2007, I did the weightloss thing and posted here and got a lot of good support and a fair amount of advice as well as the advice that I was giving out.  It was a a very steady program, and this blog helped with that.  But I think I was helped more by being in the “Biggest Loser” contest at work.  It was the competitiveness as well as the fact I found an exercise that I liked.

Today, I am sharing a couple of links I found to places that have some aspects of what worked for me: Competion and social networking.

First off is Fitocracy, which is all about exercising.  It has points and quests and challenges and then you get to share these with your network.  And there are all sorts of groups and networks including zombie apocolypse enthusiasts.  Yes…they are getting in shape to outrun zombies.  And you can like and comment on each other’s progress, just like Facebook.  You can do all sorts of exercises too, from just the running to kayaking to different exercise machines.  I wonder….

Shoot!  Maybe this is an old cartoon…sex should be worth something!  Hehe…that 3rd panel is a good illustration of my life: Sex…activity not found.  That is one side treatment effect of being a big lazy slug.  I don’t care as much.

The other site I looked at actually balances the Fitocracy exercise network by doing almost the same thing only it focuses on eating and calorie intake.  It is cleverly called Calorie Counter.  It’s not as big or popular as its exercise-based sibling, but I’m thinking there is a sort of synergy between these two sites that seems natural.  People SHOULD do both.  Exercise alone, without  paying attention to calories and types of foods and portions just isn’t going to do it.

SO, I thought someone else out there might be interested.  Maybe some of you have done one of these and might want to share a review.  Fitocracy is pretty big so I wouldn’t be surprised if a few of my reader folks might have heard of that one.  The Calorie Count is one I fished from a link of a link from the Fitocracy blog.  Yeah, I’m beating the lurker bush to see what tumbles out!  Course I need readers to have lurkers don’t I?  Darn logic and rationality ambush me every time!

Them’s that dies will be the lucky ones!

June 29, 2012

I went looking for some new blogs to link to while thinking about links that are now empty and lifeless, but it proved to be more daunting of a task than I remember it being when I started out.  I started out reading a blog or two but can’t seem to remember how this little group came about that seemed to sprout up from no where.

I think I just started writing and people started to show up.  And then their blogrolls became incorporated into mine and we just started exchanging and swapping bloggity fluids.  So I guess that’s what I’ll do again….just write and see who shows up.

I’ll never forget a comment left by someone who visited me years and years ago.  I don’t remember her name because she didn’t comment very often.  But she reflected the thinking of a lot of low libido women at the time when she said “No one ever died from lack of sex.”  I am not sure if that is true or not, but if they did, I might paraphrase Long John Silver’s quote in the title “Thems the lucky ones”

Because although few have ever died, the ones who don’t die inevitably suffer.  And the suffering goes far, far beyond a simple case of blue balls.  I’m all over that, meaning I am well past the stage of having an itch that needs to be constantly scratched.  There is such a thing as “Too Much.”

But there is also such a thing as too little.  How much is too little?  That is an individual thing would be my guess and changes throughout life.  I remember another frequent commenter and person on my blogroll for a bit who blogged about her husband always foisting himself upon her and she opined that she could not wait for him to reach the stage where sex was no longer a priority in his life.  I wonder if he ever got there and I wonder if she is as happy about it as she thought she would be?

I am not clawing at Arwyn anymore.  Not even close.  Physical affection is just not happening…ever.  I can not even remember when the last kiss was.  And she does not seem bothered by that.  And neither do I.  But the collateral damage is something that no one considers when the Low Libido (LL) person succeeds in extinguishing that drive.  And there is collateral damage.

My drop in sex drive is matched by an accompanying drop in interest in most things social.  I used to be an extrovert and the life of the party.  Not all of that is directly correlated with the lack of sex as Life started taking over, but the most precipitous drop in interest in other people does follow my lack of sex drive.  When I realized and began coming to terms that my Wife did not want me, I suppose that infected a lot of my thinking in that no one else wanted me either.

When last I was blogging hot and heavy, I had just completed the rather astounding transformation in losing 50 punds, quitting smoking and my career was on its way up.  I was as good as I ever was, or as good as I was ever going to get.  Then we entered into the marriage counseling.  The biggest thing highlighted by that experience was that I was willing to put effort into the relationship but Arwyn was not.  And not just sexual.  Anything.  Period.  For her, it is all about the kids.  I am an asterisk and a footnote, if that.

SOoo..where am I now?  Jobwise, I am getting ready to enter a new and promising phase of temp teacher work.  There is a future on this path if I can carve it out.  Time will tell if I have the will and gumption for it.  “Gumption”…there is a word you never hear anymore.  Probably because it is such a rare commodity.  And I would not use it to describe much I’ve been doing the last couple of years.  We’ve been getting by, and not much else.  I can still save and be frugal like a champ, but all the savings is long spent except for a recent series of stuff that has enabled us to stay afloat.  One of those being SNAP otherwise known as food stamps.  Never thought I would be one of THOSE…but I am.  And working to try to get out from under but it will be a protracted struggle.

Weight.  Ugh.  I am a full-blown couch potato.  Not so much TV as internet stuff.  Secondlife sorta took over Real Life.  I’ll blog more about that a little later as it does weigh in heavily on a lot of fronts.  But over the last 5 years, I have managed to gain back every last pound I pounded out.  Not exactly a boost to the SMV, is it?  But even at my lowest weight, at 185 or 190, Arwyn never showed much interest.  Yes, she would have sex occasionally but it was not because she couldn’t resist the new me.  She did make a comment that she did enjoy being able to wrap her legs around me once.  And as far as I remember that was the only time she ever did.

Smoking.  Well, as long as I am suffering, I might as well self-medicate right?  I was good for about 2 years with maybe 2 packs of relapse until February when I bought a pack…and then another in April…one in May…2 so far in June.  You get the picture.  However, prior to that I was going through boxed wine almost as fast as packs of cigarettes!  Yeah, I loved me some wine.  It was not exactly a social thing although I was on SL most all the time while drinking…and since others were drinking while THEY were on…I guess it was kinda social! Haha!  But it was privately social.  Socially private.  It was me and my computer late at night while everyone one else was sleeping.  Me and my posse of other avatars.  Prolly helped lead into the weight gain, though I never thought of wine as a high calorie item.  It’s fermented fruit, how can it be bad?  Fruit is supposed to be good for you, right?  But I haven’t bought a box in a couple of months, so I’m sorta done with that for the moment.

Ahh…the catharsis of just getting all out there!   Not sure what to do about it all at the moment, but I’m sure I’ll get some advice.  The blog world lives for that sort of thing.

SO…this is me.  Everyone has to start somewhere, and this is my start….again.  The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.  We’ll see if I make it out of the parking lot.


Replies to Comments

June 28, 2012

I’m in the mood to write but since I’m not sure what to write, this is what you’re stuck with!  Thanks y’all who commented and inspired me and poked my muse awake for a minute.

2am, I’m sure that things would look different if we were both single and it was time to see about attracting a new mate.  For both of us. I could see her perhaps giving racier things a chance and getting her buttons pushed a bit.  It’s not happening with me at the moment and I am at a point where if she got  hot and bothered for someone else…I wouldn’t like it but neither would it be such a personal affront to me like it would have in ’07.

HEY!  Things HAVE gotten better in one respect…I just today saved a BUNDLE on my car insurance!  HAHAHAHA!  I’m a commercial and a cliche!  Seriously, it is embarassing how much I saved, meaning at how the other company was gouging us so totally and completely.  Yikes.  But a year’s insurance was costing us almost a months salary.  And both our vehicles are over 10 years old.  When we got married my wife convinced me to switch to her insurance and there was a couple of times I actually did make out on it.  Like the time I totalled the old clunker 5 days before my new one came in from the factory.  No injuries at all.   The dealer was only going to give me $500 to haul it off and instead I got $5,000 from my insurance.  That was kinda sweet.  But we’re going back to the car insurance company I had before I got married.  It’s a little company that in 2am fashion I will cleverly nickname Little Lizard Insurance.

So Gone, I remember my mother once saying “The second wife is the one that gets the new house and the trip around the world.”  As men age, we do get smarter and more sensitive.  And nothing can teach a body about marriage more than actually being married.  So you are benefiting from his introspection, when he began to lie awake at night and think about what he really wanted, what was important to him and why things went wrong.   DO keep in touch and let us know how things keep going well.  Or when they don’t go well.  You know I followed you when I did because I love a good train wreck!  Especially if she looks hawt.

No Dave, I haven’t actually read the books and have heard mixed reviews from people who did.  My general feeling is that people who are not used to reading this stuff and are seeing it for the first time are hit so hard by the subject and the graphic aspects of something new to them, that they overlook things like whether or not it is actually well-written.”50 Shades” could well do for BDSM what Twilight did for vampires.  And I’ll leave that for what it is.

Vaxier!  Erm….Xavier!  I see you are still gardening!  I got stuff that I freeze (peaches, blackberries, blueberries) but all of those are suffering cause of our drought.  And we are just now kicking into the 100 degree temps.  I have one good patch of tomatoes because I tun a hose from my AC condensor which gives them all the water they need.  So other than that, everything is about dried out and done.  Kinda like my sex life!  HAHA!

tAJA!  Hehe…too much sex?   Has motherhod taken the spark from your fires?  I suppose in your situation, that might not be a bad thing.  Oddly enough, the book was written from a series of blog posts and it got me thinking about turning my own blog into a book.  But then there would be that awkward moment when it became totally famous and the publisher would say “Who do we make the check out to?”  And then when I got on Ellen (who seems to have replaced Oprah) and all my wife’s friends, who read the book, would suddenly be texting her.  Unlike Adele’s exboyfriend, she would have a harder time staying anonymous.  BUT since she would be entitled to a lot of the royalties…I think that would be a worthwhile trade off.  If royalties would keep her comfortable enough or would she have the need to dig into all future earnings?

Hiya FTN!  I’m kind of amazed that I even remember my old password to this place.  And if you emailed me, I probably did get them but I am notoriously poor about answering fan email.  Or any email for that matter.  Therese emailed me back in February and I never did get back with her.   And I have another blog that is nominated for some “Most Interesting” award which sort of looks like one of those Who’s Who type things where they get 20,000 entries and guarantee 20,000 book sales.  In this case it is a link from every nominated blog.  I think I’ll pass at the moment simply because I know that blog has not been very interesting for a couple of years.  Perhaps it will be again but I have a feeling this one will be the first to perk back to life simply because it IS my first love.  And it pulls, beckons and calls me, trying to seduce me.

Slutty blog!

APHRON!  Nice to see you still around, even though things are not in the best of spots for either of us.  If you take a minute and think about if I turned your question back on you: What if you told Sybil SHE was sinning?  And then quoted a bit of scripture to back it up?  The fact that you are absolutely right really has no bearing on the actual circumstance because as you know all too well, reason has scarce purchase in a place where emotions reign supreme.  While Arwyn is not as cantakerous as your Sybil, she is every bit as ruled by her emotions.  Reason, fact, rationality … what do THEY have to do with anything?

I have to admit, following your advice and visiting the follow your recommended link DID sort of stir me to writing a bit more, as well as the old blogging nostalgia. Is Athol even his real name?

MMSL’s demographic is a lot like what mine was when I first started blogging: young kids, and a partner who was not interested in having sex. I wonder if I ran across him in some Usenet blogs?  A lot of what he talks about as far as sexual value smacks of the speed daters talk of SMV or Sexual Market Value.  There is just enough there to make a bit of sense, but the exceptions are legion, which he may be discovering right this moment.  He suddenly realized he had more female readers than male readers, and soon he’ll realize that the fastest growing demographic is actually sexually deprived women.  I’m not saying there are more of them, I’m just saying they are more voracious readers.  I loved my female readers, but took a lot of pains to talk to, link to and stay focused on the story of guys…mostly.  That meant linking to some racy gals, Like Always Aroused Girl and Chelsea Girl.  A girl like Therese, who was apparently pretty smoking hawt, kinda kicks the legs out from under the SMV argument that says the one with the higher SMV rules.

SO…it occurs to me that I might just have a few more things to say about things.  I have no idea what things, but when I get the urge, I’m going to go there.   I get that most of my old bloggy friends are busy with RL…so am I!

I remember writing and the joy of venting and being creative and being a part of such a smart, witty, friendly community.   And the charge we gave each other with comments and links and trackbacks.  We can’t go back to those days, because the world has moved on to Twitter and Facebook and other better forms of networking, but I still think there is a place for thoughts and discussions that are longer than 140 characters.