Happy Valentines Day 2011

It has been a LOOooong time since I updated. Kudos to you for checking on me…whenever it is that you do.

Seriously, I have really not had anything happen that I found terribly blog-worthy. Perhaps my standards have gone too high, but more than likely I have settled into the dull futility that so many other guys (and women too) settle into after fighting and struggling for years and years.

But tonight it IS blogworthy because it is V-day. Everyone wants to talk about love and romance. My coworkers got onto me because I had not made a big deal out of it. I had bought a card already that was funny and entertaining and witty that our kids I knew would enjoy. Not too sentimental, but cute and sweet. But one of my coworkers convinced to also buy a card that WAS more sentimental.

My wife teaches at a preschool where they hold a huge V-day party every year. She goes to a church where the love of men and women is preached resoundingly every year, altho it becomes more of an admonition toward men then a message of love for both. But in anycase, the message is out there and the airwaves are saturated.

So she was keenly aware of what day it was and the expectations involves. And she also knew how low mine were, but she did make a pre-emptive move just in case. For when I got home from work, she made sure that I knew that she has had a headache for the past two days. Funny she never mentioned it yesterday, but oh well.

And I gave her the first card, the funny one. “Oh…didn’t get you anything” she said as she took it. Byt she opened it and we all had a good laugh as she opened it and the funny cartoon voices told about o’s and x’s being hugs and kisses and not ox, altho you could hug and kiss an ox if you wanted.

But I knew then that she would never see that second card. It would simply induce more guilt and grief on her. The reason why I waited until late in the evening was that if I gave her the card in the morning she would have run out to get one just to keep up…not because she was feeling any particular sentiments toward me.

This used to be a holiday when I thought I could look forward to some romance and yes…sex. It took about 10 years to absolve that notion from me.

I’ll be drinking some wine and be in-world in my second life tonight, definitely.

Hope you all have abetter vday than me!

14 Responses to Happy Valentines Day 2011

  1. Dave says:

    Sorry your day- or days, rather- are still not all you’d been hoping and working for. It’s funny, but I’m terrible at the valentines day thing, just can’t ever seem to get “into” it, but at least (if I was home anyway, lol) I could figure to get sex, and some intimate cuddle-talk time too. I have to remember that’s pretty big deal, compared to what we used to have, so thanks for that reminder 🙂

  2. Xavier says:

    I wish mine was better than yours as well. Sadly I believe the argument she started over an allegedly romantic dinner trumps the headache though the result is ‘shockingly’ similar ….

    …. maybe I’ll join you for that drink, if you don’t mind.

  3. aphron says:

    Well, I have to echo the sentiment in the blog and the comments above. I have given up on any enjoyment for Valentine’s Day. Sybil and I are usually in an argument or just getting over one, so I’m not in the mood. Actually, I find myself less in the mood everyday. Like you, I don’t post much anymore…about once a month. It seems futile: same stuff different day. I gotta hand it to you, though. You’ve really endured.

  4. Rosie says:

    As Aphron said you do get much credit for having endured. I’ve wondered how you’ve been fareing. Guess it is “same old, same old.”

  5. tajalude says:

    Ha. I haven’t been here in ages and I chose today to check on ya, and look. I’ve got good timing! I’m going to be totally shitty and say I’m somewhat relieved to hear you’re in the same place you were when last you posted, because I am now officially in a sexless marriage and am eerily 100% ok with it, even though I know I shouldn’t be, and it makes me feel more normal to know it ain’t working for someone else out there.

    That’s my insensitive comment for the day. Wow, who knew I was going to do that??

    Glad you posted, though!

  6. Trueself says:

    Things just stay the same for so very many of us. Right now though I do believe I’d trade bored and in a sexless rut over terrified of being found out.

  7. Ginny says:

    Wow, you’ve posted again!! I was quite convinced that this blog was offically “dead”. But, because of a need for closure in my boring, cubicle-bound life I kept on checking to see if maybe you’d post a final farewell to everyone. But! I am glad it’s not a farewell this time, because things seem to have not gotten better, or worse for that matter in your marital life anyway.

    Hope that your children are doing ok, and I’d love to hear about them. I am sorry to hear about the continuing “sameness” of everything with your wife, and as I (and many others) have said before, you are astounding for still being there with her, enduring thru what most people would find to be unendurable. Digger, you are amazing.

    If I could be totally selfish here, I wish that you’d come back to posting regularly, but hey, I know that probably won’t be happening as long as you don’t feel there’s anything to share.

    Here’s hoping there will be soon!

  8. Val says:

    Late to the party, but belated Happy V-Day (w/heavy snark)… Glad to see a fresh post from ya!

    Don’t feel bad; I blew it on V-Day by insisting on a Nice Dinner out; we had to wait an hour & a half for a table at Outback, so neither son nor hubby were happy w/me. Our marital relations have dwindled to next-to-nothing, which I blame on a combination of chronic fatigue on my part, & Hubby’s cocktail of 3 meds to control hypertension & high triglycerides…

    Anyway, let’s look forward to spring & hopefully some happier times!

    (like you, Taj, I find myself curiously complacent about our almost-sexless state; is it age, is it maturity, is it wisdom??)

  9. FTN says:

    Good to hear from you, even if there are no new developments. I’m curious how long it’s been since you’ve been sexual with your wife now, Digger?

  10. I too checked back on a whim, hoping beyond hope that maybe this blog wasn’t dead. I detect resignation possibly, and I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.

  11. Emily says:

    Glad to hear from you again, Digger.

    Sadly, our household is much the same. The Little Dude continues to be a delight. The Big Dude less so. When I told him last year I’d been badly depressed for six months after all that IVF failure, he said he didn’t notice. When this year I said we felt like room mates and noted we hadn’t had any sex life for over a year, he said he wasn’t aware of that. It does make me wonder what the hell he does notice.
    I think its crunch time for us. I’ve had enough and really only the fact that he is such an excellent father to our boy is keeping my here.


  12. Satan says:

    And so it goes, and so it goes…

  13. […] last year’s Valentine’s Day?  It’s only two posts down, if you care to […]

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