Mixed

She shut the door to the bedroom and locks it.  I peer out from behind my laptop.

“Do you want some time?”

Wow.  Okay, this is kind of unexpected.  “Do you want to?” I inquire.

“Don’t ask me that.  What if I don’t?  But it’s 9:45 so the time is kind of short.  We need to get on with it it if we’re going to.”

I have a couple of ways to respond to this, but her and I both know there is really only one response that is going to work unless I want to go another couple of months with nothing. It’s a clear case of her having the goodies, and me being in a state of starvation.  It was actually less than an hour after posting my previous post, in fact.

There was some good holding and kissing and nakedness that took place.  I do like it when it happens, which is why I resent it being such a rare occurrence.  As every behaviorist knows, a lean and variable schedule of reinforcement is the most effective way of maintaining a certain behavior.

“Was it worth getting off the computer for?” she askes.

“Ummmm, yeah it was.” I answer in the dark. “Was it worth missing some sleep for?”

“Yes!”  Her own enthusiasm and lack of hesitation sort of surprises me.

We both missed more sleep as we talked longer about more stuff.  Nothing at all heavy, just logistical stuff involved with raising kids.  This was the  middle of the week, so that made it more surprising.  But she had just gotten back from a therapy session, so maybe that had something to do with it.

So it isn’t all cut and dried so easily.  Sex does happen sometimes, and I like it when it does even if I have to sort of not dwell on her particular approach to initiating.  I’d like there to be more intimacy within sex play that was not so goal intensive, but that is mega difficult when I am under such a lean schedule.  I would like to be able to engage in sex play when I wasn’t starving so much and could enjoy it more for the fun of it instead of out of some sort of need. I would like there to be more play, but for Arwyn that is asking an awful lot.

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5 Responses to Mixed

  1. Dave says:

    It’s never cut and dried, with human relations, is it? I’m glad you did get some time, especially right after your last post. I just read your replies to the earlier comments too, and I guess that whether you think so or not, you are definitely a model for patience and persistence.

    D-

  2. Desmond Jones says:

    Hmmmmm. . . She comes home from therapy and proposes some horizontal tango? Sounds like you need to get her into daily therapy sessions, or something. . . 😉

    Seriously, tho – it’s connection. And her unhesitant and enthusiastic response to your question seems a good thing. Her question for you almost seems like she’s not real sure of what your answer would be – “Do you REALLY prefer me to the computer?” So maybe that’s an avenue for you to explore at some not-too-distantly-future point. . .

  3. MP says:

    You heard between the lines of her question, I hope, that she thinks you’d rather spend time on the computer than spend time with her. If she’s wrong, you might want to try getting off of the laptop more often.

  4. aphron says:

    Well, that’s interesting. Maybe she’s trying to keep you on your toes? Or maybe she reads your blog? Or maybe her intuition tells her that things may happen that are beyond her control. I guess over analyzing things will only add to the angst.

  5. Ginny says:

    so…………………….are we going to get to hear more? How did things go after this episode?

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