We are now officially in a pattern. Actually we’ve been in this pattern many time before (that’s why it is a pattern) and looking at my blog archives helped identify the intensity and duration. Or at least the timing.
We haven’t had a joint counseling session in about 6 weeks because of childcare or other issues. And we have not had sex in about that long.
Either. Arwyn and I have each gone individually a time or two in that time, but we are definitely stuck back into this rut where things are in a downward spiral. Sex is not everything, but it can be a an indicator of general marital quality and right now it isn’t looking very good. Last week, I talked a bit about some of our tension to the counselor and he asked me if this was a pattern. At the time, I didn’t think it was. However, now I see very clearly that it is. The fall seems to be a bad time for Arwyn and I for whatever reason. From my side, it seems to be a time when I seem to need more physical attention. Not just sexually (but definitely sexually) but just plain basic physical cuddling and holding. It might have something to do with the colder weather or something where I expect more snuggling that in the summer. And in Georgia we don’t get but a few months of real good snuggle weather before it gets hot and sticky again. One of Arwyn’s early chief complaints against sleeping right next to me at night was that I was too hot. You would think this might be worth a premium during cold weather, but it is not.
The whole birthday sex thing, or the pattern of NOT having sex on my birthday. That’s just a deliberate lack of consideration and effort on her part. So this time of year I’m a bit randier and she is LESS desirous than her normal sub-average desire level. So the whole mismatch really bogs us down. I’ve been trying to deal and cope by trying to occupy myself with other thinks in order to not be always pressuring her. But that is just not working for me. It’s time to hash it out.
We also have a couple of other ongoing conflicts in relation to raising our oldest. Autism is not something like Down Syndrome, where there it a definite etiology and treatment. For autism, there is neither. She is of the mind to go always for the expensive diet and unproven medical treatments that are primarily guilt-driven. I’m for behavioral intervention and consistency while having more respect for him as a person rather than a patient. The bottom line is that the boy will never be good enough for her and she will always be trying to cure him. Just like she never felt good enough for her own parents. Now she wants to inflict him with the same curse. Thank God the autism actually shields him a bit from that psychological trauma! Because if he had a more typical development of “Theory of Mind” he’d be in for a tremendous inferiority complex about now. Not unlike what I sometimes feel.
I’m not even thinking about what the youngest is going to go through.
I guess I’ll be spending my Thanksgiving in the crucible. How about you?
A little something extra to improve the mood…