The Haircut

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This morning was, in the words of the former blogger known as Satan a YES sort of morning. Sorry if you don’t get that obscure reference.

Early this afternoon, I went to my regular barber to get my haircut. Bill’s barbershop is just down the road on highway 66 and a mighty convenient $10 haircut. I’d prefer the saucy little German cutie, but Bill is okay. At least when he’s there. He’s a bit lazy-ish and often closes up early to go fish, drink beer or otherwise have fun. The sign says he’s open 9-5 but that is rarely the case. I’ve often pulled up to his shop at 3:30 only to find a sign in the window, “It’s 5:00 somewhere!” I trry to get in early on Saturday morning, but can’t always manage it.

So it’s a little after 2:00 on a Saturday and he is closed…AGAIN. I’m pissed. I’ve gone to other barbers before on account of Bill’s irregularity, but it involves driving way out of my way. I’d like to find a guy close by who is dependable!

So I decide to try something else. I’ll fix Bill’s ass.

I went home and told Arwyn that she could give me a haircut. She cuts the boys’ hair, or trims more like. She has always stated that she wanted to cut my hair and I’ve always declined. This time, I was giving her her big chance. She was pretty excited as she got her scissors, comb and clippers. No little skirt, unfortunately. I guess this would be a Helga cut. I had no idea.

She must have spent nearly an hour clipping, snipping, combing, feathering, trimming and fussing over my hair. She would stop, look it over, cut some more and look again. It’s that whole perfectionist thing at work. She wanted it to be done perfectly.

Yeah, Arwyn pretty much totally and perfectly butchered and botched it. She only drew blood once or twice, but she blamed the whack job on the irregular shape of my head and the fact that my hair grows crooked. These are all true, BTW. Thing is, I wasn’t all that upset by it. In fact, Arwyn was more upset than me. She apologized profusely and swore that she would never touch my hair again.

“Maybe you can get someone to fix it.”

“No, I think this is just about right, Arwyn. I really do like it short and this look works for me.”

I plan on getting lots of stares and comments on it. And people are going to ask me, “Where did you get that haircut?” And I’m going to tell them:

“Oh, I got it cut at Bill’s Barbershop off of highway 66. You like it?”

Thanks Bill!

Thanks Bill!

D.

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10 Responses to The Haircut

  1. ::laughs::

    Digger, if this story isn’t true, well, then it should be!

  2. Rosie says:

    You are so ornery. But I certainly know that urge.

  3. Dave says:

    Great revenge, and even better if he eventually figures out *why* you’re doing that to him 🙂

  4. Desmond Jones says:

    I suppose ol’ Bill has it coming. . .

    A few years back, Molly bought a set of hair clippers and started giving haircuts to our boys, but I always insisted on getting mine cut at the barber shop. But last summer, I was hankering for a ‘summer cut’, and I figured she could do it well enough to justify the $20 savings. I was happy enough with the results that I did the same thing this summer. . .

  5. tajalude says:

    Heh. At-home haircuts ain’t half bad. Or so I’ve heard…

  6. Cat says:

    the story is true…the good ones always are 🙂

  7. FTN says:

    A picture of the haircut would be a dandy blog addition.

    I’m picturing something like Harry or Lloyd’s hair in Dumb and Dumber.

  8. Xavier says:

    Two words: Hair Clippers. Go short, get some clippers. It’s like magic!! Plus the military look scares the timid …… 🙂

  9. diggerjones says:

    It’s mostly true, Tom. and your secret identity is safe with me.

    And yes, Rosie, I can be extraordinarily ornery when I get my blood up. I find that gets even moreso with age.

    I’m thinking I might actually let him in on the joke, Dave…AFTER the next cut if there is one.

    Yeah, Desmond, I might have had better luck with a buzz cut at the beginning of summer. And maybe I could have done that myself.

    Taja, the home cuts up your way do sound like fun! Perhaps you could open a school and give lessons to wives.

    Yeah Cat, the good ones are really hard to make up. And this one actually gets better.

    Think more of Jim Ignatowski (only the hair is much shorter) from “Taxi” if you’re old enough to remember that. So in a sense, it is Lloyd…Christopher Lloyd!

    Xavier…er..Xi…X-man…the clippers are what did most of the damage! I should have went shorter, yeah.

    Thing is, I went all day and no one said much until the final hour of work when this short woman I’ve worked with for a few years asked me if I cut my own hair and started laughing hysterically. So I said Bill’s Barbershop and almost had her going for a bit. But I finally told her the story y’all got.

    She thought it was almost as funny as my haircut and then added her own punchline:
    “I’ve been after my husband to let me cut his hair, but after seeing that….he can just keep going to the barber!”

    So I probably saved at least one guy some added humiliation.
    D.

  10. Isidro says:

    It’s easy and really good for you plus adds intensity for more calorie burning. As stated earlier, running has numerous health benefits that one should not overlook. Just like the NBA “National Basketball Association” that brings the top Basketball teams against each other.

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