From the highest highs to the lowest lows,
Where it ends, no one knows,
It just goes and flows.
It’s not Mt. Everest, it’s bloody Mt. Doom!
So one would think after a good time last week, that there might be something to look forward to the next week. One would think.
Arwyn isn’t into the whole “date night” business. Friday came, and she was not feeling up to it. Frankly there was no enthusiasm in her attitude at all and I could clearly see it. I had spent some effort and energy actually looking forward to it, so you can imagine where I went. But in case you can’t, I’ll fill you in.
I confronted her on the fact that she really was not committed to this and her response was silence mostly. I asked what she was thinking.
“I’m trying to figure out how to put my feelings into words.”
“Do you know what you’re feeling?”
There’s a million and one excuses, and I’ve heard most of them. There really was no excuse this time except pretty much laziness on her part and the whole avoider thing kicking in for her, and subsequently for me. After waiting for 45 minutes in silence for her to get her shit together, I opted to run to the store. I did record a podcast on the way, but I’m not sure that will ever see the light of day.
I had kind of a fall-back consolation thing going, where she was planning on taking the boys and visiting her mother this week. That fell through because her mother said that Florida was too hot and she sounded like she was discouraging them from coming down. Cripes. As if Georgia wasn’t. So the alone-time I was looking forward to this week is pretty much not going to happen. If I didn’t have other things to tend to this week around here, I’d consider a road trip of my own.
Back to the main point; date night hasn’t really worked the way it’s supposed to since we started. We tried this a few years ago, BC (Before Cage) and it was exactly the same thing. Same exact thing. I was put off time and again, and the wheels just fell off because there was no follow-through or commitment or anything else. During this discussion, Arwyn did begin the old argument of “It’s just about sex with you!” Now it is somewhat true that I have been thinking about it more recently. However I have also been working on helping to meet the “family time” need of hers as well as other ways of helping her out and listening to her. So I asked her what she would have me do differently. No answer.
One thing I definitely could do differently is handle the disappointment in a better fashion. I see the confrontational approach as trying it differently, but I’m not sure simply being different is the same as being better. I’d just finally had it after being pushed back time and time again. While last week was enjoyable, it was still tarnished by the stuff leading into it. It would be nice to have an enjoyable time without having to wade backwards through a lake of crap first.