Hashing it out

Those of you following along know what happened during date night. Those of you who were not following, might want to do so now before proceeding.

Thursday morning, I got up to do my part but Arwyn got up while I was taking my shower and got into the routine of getting the kids off to school. Thursday night, we did talk about it. She reiterated that she was tired, and I understood that, but I told her she could have given me some prior notice rather than leave me hanging right up until the moment in question. She apologized for it and I tried to get across how it really made me feel and truly eroded the trust that we have been building. Yes, she has been trying to do things differently but if the same stuff keeps happening, it looks kind of like that old business as usual. So she suggested we try it again Friday night. I decided we could as I could be in a better spot than right then and there. Talking and hashing it out did help to keep from repressing stuff and carrying it around forever. When a body carries resentment around, it never gets lighter, it only gets heavier no matter how small of an issue it is.

As for me, I had to work on leaving the resentment behind and moving on. That took some work. There was also some talk about the previous encounter where Arwyn did feel some pain while we were doing it. That would explain the avoidance, and again I told her that letting me know soner rather than later was a better way of dealing with things. However she was still keen to try Friday night.

Friday night she did hold up her end of the bargain. She got the kids to bed at a decent hour and we were able to spend some naked time together. By this time, I was in a better spot emotionally and it was possible to be relatively fun and playful. She’s still defensive about most types of intimate touching but I was able to accommodate and move on past that. More or less. My body needs a lot more practice in this new climate where there is a more extended time of nakedness preceding the Main Event. The Main Event lasted all of about 2 minutes for me, which isn’t exactly the road to get Arwyn where she wants. She was actually feeling pretty good and was trying to grind into me, but things just were not being cooperative and my whole orgasm just snuck up on me and ambushed me out of no where. We didn’t exactly hash that part of it out but she assured me that there was no pain involved this time. She did make an appointment with her gyn doctor on Thursday for sometime in May, as she hasn’t been in a couple of years but I think that pain issue always will be lurking around in the background.

Kind of a discombobulated post, here!

The Saturday morning routine of letting Arwyn sleep in was a lot easier on me as we do have the youngin’s trained to sleep or at least stay in bed until 7:00 and I was able to get breakfast and she was able to sleep in for a few hours. So hopefully that part of the arrangement made our time together time well-spent while we work on other things. So many issues…

So yeah, there is progress here. I think we have come a long way, but we have miles and miles to go. The good news is that we have a lifetime to get there and at least I feel like we’re traveling in the same direction together. Date night is a difficult thing to stick with just because it is that thing in the schedule that will be the first to get shucked if everything isn’t exactly right. I think there’s profitable lessons to be learned in working through whatever obstacles and issues there are instead of avoiding them. Avoidance has not worked for me in the past and working through things (especially the most difficult issues) seems to work better.

D.

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8 Responses to Hashing it out

  1. Satan says:

    Hurrah for confrontation, it does seem to work better. Also – more podcasts, please.

  2. Desmond Jones says:

    Would it seem terribly patronizing if I just said I’m really proud of you? Well done, Digger and Arwyn. After all those years of harboring mutual resentments, just the willingness to try to get past them is huge. And being willing to get past the ‘here we go again’ thing – wow; congratulations on that one.

    So now you’ve had about three years’ worth of sex in a month or so. And of course, practice makes perfect. Or at least, better.

    And I’m sure you’re suitably grateful for Arwyn’s recent ‘change of heart’ (or whatever you’d call it). I mean, it wasn’t that long ago, you were wondering if she really wanted to be married to you. And now, at last, she’s tipped her hand that she does. Or at least, she’s willing to give it a real shot.

    So, to quote lyrics from the Greatest Band of All Time – She loves you, and you know that can’t be bad. . .

    Yeah, you’ve got a lot of work yet to do, but my gosh, just the two of you getting off the schneid is the biggest news you could possibly have.

    Keep it up, y’all. . .

  3. Desmond Jones says:

    One more question – does her following thru on Friday night help build your trust that she really means what she says?

  4. Mu Ling says:

    This is great. I’m really happy for you.

  5. C-Marie says:

    Wow – what progress! I’m happy to see things are turning around. I hope this is a constant winning streak!

  6. diggerjones says:

    Okay, Satan, I’ll have to see what I can do on the podcast bit. Finding a host that works for me is the biggest thing and I think I have one, but then that means that I’ll be doing less video which means less turn around time between making, editing and posting. I’m not sure how much the pictures add anyway, but it is an interesting exercise.

    Good question Des, as I’ve wondered that myself. I hate to say it, but I’m still a bit reserved on that as it will take some time to re-establish that trust where I’m not getting stood up on a regular basis. Friday night sort of helped but it was more me exercising some degree of forgiveness more than trust that it isn’t going to happen again of interpreting her willingness as enthusiasm. But yeah, we’ve made some big progress.

    Thanks Mu Ling and C-Marie! Y’all have seen what a long, painful and arduous journey this has been. The business of relationship is neither cheap nor easy and I can’t judge for anyone else how much bother it’s worth. But truly, for me, it is a matter of personal integrity where I have to give my best and total shot. Yeah, you know I’ve been sorely tempted to throw in the towel many, many times. I’ll be tempted again for sure. I think why a lot of folks read our blogs is to see how just how courageous we can be in resisting the temptation to give up. If I can lend some hope to others, that’s just gravy because y’all have been so supportive through it all.

    D.

  7. Cat says:

    Did I read optimism in this post? I think I did and I am happy to see you moving forward. Even baby steps is progress…

  8. tskn says:

    just checking in. Hope everything is going well.

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