Another Year; 1:1 Counseling

It was my day to do the 1:1 session with the counselor.  For the past couple of weeks, the ENQ kept popping into my mind, so I decided that I needed to talk about it.  In fact, right be fore I left, I took my completed questionnaire with me.  I’m very glad that I did.

This session, like al the others, involved getting the counselor up to speed on things.  This time it was about some things I’ve tried (like Relationship Rescue, praying togeth and a few other things, but notably NOT the cage) as well as how our daily routine generally runs and why it’s hard to find time to talk.  The one hour whizzed by faster than about any other I’ve ever been through.  Next thing, he was saying “Well, we’ve only got a few minutes left of our time…”



So I took out the ENQ.  He said he was familiar with it, but with a little more questioning I discovered he had never laid eyes on one before.  He was keen to have it, so I gave it to him.  I can always do another one.  There was some discussion about how that was one more attempt by me to move things along and how Arwyn did not follow through.  He was keen for her to do one and I said that I would speak to her about it and he said that he would also put in a word, if she wouldn’t listen to me.  He said that he does have couples do a similar questionnaire but his wasn’t as in-depth as the one I had by Harley.  I got the distinct impression that I was going to have to keep goosing this guy to get things moving.  We talked about whether we should have a joint session next time or do another seperate round.  I opted for another separate round, in order that Arwyn could get a chance to do her own ENQ and that we might actually have something significant to discuss when we came together.  I voiced some concern about where we were headed and whether or not we were actually going anywhere.  I can’t remember his exact response, but he agreed that we could benefit from another separate round of counseling.  Maybe he was making more headway with her than me.

I’m thinking that perhaps next time I might go ahead and bring up the cage/chastity play as, if nothing else, it might make these sessions feel more interesting.  He’s the only Christian therapist around, and I’m thinking that he might benefit from broadening his horizons a little bit.  He might discover a new favorite kink;-)  I do like him, despite the feeling that we’re sort of dragging/drifting along.  He’s very skilled at active listening which may endear him more to Arwyn.  I’m just wondering aloud here if I might have had better luck with a female therapist since they are often better at confronting women than the men are.  Or maybe they might be better at confronting, in general.

Heck if I know.

In other news, our roof is fixed just in time for more weather.  Arwyn also had a few minor medical tests/procedures done and I’m glad everything went okay.  I never know how exactly to react to these health things, as she has always had several different things going on at any given time.  I try to act concerned because I am, and I’m equally relieved she was able to be treated so easily.  But empathy and emotionalism isn’t my strong suit  I know she doesn’t like it if I don’t act sufficiently concerned and I don’t think I made the grade this time around because we were so busy with other things (counseling being just one of them).  Oh well.

Happy anniversary; another year of involuntary celibacy.



8 Responses to Another Year; 1:1 Counseling

  1. Tom Allen says:

    Ugh. We saw a Xian therapist, recommended my my wife’s minister, and I have to tell you that the 2 1:1 sessions we had were the most embarrassing hours I’ve spent in I dont’ know how long. I spent most of that time explaining to him what kink, BDSM, D/s, bondage, etc., are all about, and after the first session he had this glassy-eyed look… I’m sure I broadened his horizons, but it’s difficult enough for me to deal with them – having to explain what they are, before I can explain what I get out of them was both frustrating and humiliating. The thing is, after over a year, he still managed to miss some of the more salient aspects that kept our relationship from working well.

    I’m not going to knock all Xian therapists because of this guy; I am, however, going to suggest that you may need to find an alternate.

  2. Dave says:

    I’m glad the roof is fixed.
    I really hope this works for you two. I loved the ENQ when you put it up last year, and wish that it’d worked out for us.

    However, maybe you’ll have better luck. I hope so!

  3. C-Marie says:

    I’ve been a few of those nasty storms myself while living down south – pure terror! I’m glad all is well and all is fixed.

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you….

  4. John says:

    As I recall from my hazy memory, my wife and I had several one on one sessions before trying anything constructive as a couple with our therapist. I think its important for the therapist to get a decent handle on who each person really is, before they can observe how they interact as a couple. Some of my therapist’s early observations about how my wife & I interacted were very accurate. So this all argues for you telling him about the chastity stuff. Like anything that’s not encountered very often, he might not have encountered it. But it will also allow him to form a more complete pic of who you are.
    Good luck!

  5. Square1 says:

    I’m rooting for you Digger. I have nothing else to add about the counselling bit. I did an ENQ back 2-3 years ago now, but never could get Mr. Muse to do one. Maybe someday. In any case we had some tornado warnings here, but other than downed trees from wind nothing ever came of it. I’m glad you and yours are safe, and that the damge to your home was minimal.

  6. Emily says:

    You know, its surprising to me how much your postings reflect dissatisfaction with the counselling process and how you guys are going generally. There seems to be a lot about how your issues might be beyond the skills of this particular counsellor, maybe you should have picked a woman, etc etc.

    But I’ve been reading your blog for over two years and, in the last few weeks and months, I have seen more progress than at any time since I started reading you.

    Maybe its just a woman’s point of view. Maybe because it can’t be counted, like sexual interractions, it’s hard to see from your point of view. But you write about Arwyn in a somewhat different way, as if you actually like her. And when you describe her actions, she sounds a whole lot more like a person who actually likes you.

    Maybe I’m not expressing this very well, but I am seeing some progress here and I’m surprised that you don’t seem to be noticing it.

    Ps One suggestion – Some time this week, express concern for her health issues(s) and ask her if there is anything you can do to help, then do what she asks for. Empathy and emotionalism may not be your strongest suit, but it’s one you are probably going to have to strengthen, and the only way to do that is with practice.

  7. diggerjones says:

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

    Tom, I think it was a big deal that my wife has been willing to stick with this guy. If he wasn’t a Christian therapist, I’m not sure she would have been so keen. But point taken: if I get inot the chastity bit I need to frontload it with the idea that I don’t want to spend the entire hour hashing out all about it. He can go online and read for himself.

    I just have to decide how prominent the chastity stuff has played in our relationship, John, and whether there is any productivity yet to be had there. I’m sure he could lend insight into where we are if he is paying attention, but he hasn’t offered anything thus far.

    I asked her about the ENQ and she did state her intentions of completing it it, so my fingers are crossed, Dave! But that’s a relatively minor issue now. Thanks for keeping fingers crossed with me Marie!

    I’m not terribly surprised your husband wouldn’t do it, Square. He’s never really bought into counseling except for you because he sees these issues as YOUR problem. It takes two to tango, as I’m sure your aware.

    Emily, the progress we’ve been making is taking place independently of the counseling. Much of the progress was before I even made the appointment. Part of it is seeing her as her own person and respecting her own integrity while being true to mine. So, I do notice the progress in that we can talk honestly, and painfully at times. And the truth is often painful. Yeah, I need to be more empathetic and your suggestion is a good one. But even harder under present circumstances.

  8. Tom Allen says:

    He can go online and read for himself.

    You can give him my blog addy :-\

    My big concern at the time was that while I had tried to talk to Mrs. Edge about our sex life, I was already dealing with coming to grips about my own kinkiness. When we were dating it seemed not to be an issue, but somehow that changed, and I never got the opportunity to even talk about it with her. Having to discuss it with the Xian shrink first was just one more frustration. As I said, it was actually humiliating for me to talk about this to a complete stranger who didn’t seem to have the slightest clue about kink. I never even brought it up in a session.

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