Tools for getting through it




This is one long-ass book!


Finally, in chapter 12, Schnarch reveals so tools for getting through the crucible.  I’m not going to retype them all or even give a reaction to them.  He goes into different levels of differentiation as well as how to self-soothe.


It’s this chapter that has the hiking story that Val commented on earlier.  He does go a long way to be as fair as possible in describing how his wife being slower caused him problems with dealing with himself.  He also shares the story of how his wife’s and his move to Colorado put them on the brink of divorce!  He then goes into why he included those stories.


The tips and techniques are helpful and I suppose the reason he didn’t include those earlier on was because he was keen on someone reading most of the book before trying them.  Still, I’m convinced this thing is put together backwards..


2 Responses to Tools for getting through it

  1. Val says:

    Thanks for the reference point D!
    I have been under the weather, but I went back to pick up the book to find that chapter again…
    You make a very valid point that this book seems to be “put together backwards”. I was also easily exasperated by his circuitous, repetitive writing style. Hard for me to get past my initial impression of him as the pompous, egotistical misogynist, striding boldly up the trail while leaving his wife to *ahem* eat his dust… He was also a prick about their childbearing decision:
    “Where did I come from Daddy?”
    “Well, I got sick & tired of USING CONDOMS, honey, not to mention all the oral sex!”
    I may try to slog through it again, but last time I was reduced to skimming through for the sex scenes…

  2. diggerjones says:

    Yeah, I also thought about that; the sex stories seemed to get more and more overly dramatic and graphic than was really necessary and I kept trying to imagine these clients divulging that sort of play-by-play detail. He goes into their thoughts and minds with a more vivid picture than I would expect from a well-differentiated therapist! I’m thinking his publisher made him spice it up and he took a lot of artistic license in describing the detailed sex scenes.


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