189.8

And so the adventure continues.  I’m close.  Very, very close to having a BMI considered “normal” for my height.  That Biggest Loser contest I was in was supposed to wrap up last week, but turned out to be a total sham.  Out of 25 people who weighed in, only 4 people paid!  The guy organizing it was too lackadaisical in collecting money.  He just said they good pay whenever as long as they paid before the winner was announced.  I told him that wouldn’t work for the reason it didn’t.  It happened just like I said.  People waited and worked for a few weeks and when it was apparent that someone (me) was making progress and they weren’t, they quit.  So he put the option of continuing until February, but no one else was going to pay into that sucker bet.  I’ve lost almost 40 pounds in 15 weeks!  So in the interest of competition, I resigned from it and told him to keep the money for the next contest, if there is one. 

 

Just the idea of competition was enough to spur me on enough so now I’ve come far enough it isn’t that big of a deal.  Yeah, I was the clear winner, but I’ve come far enough that I consider the $30 money well spent.  I don’t care about the money or a title.  Everyone knows it, and I shared my stats and story on the company bbs so all could see it.  Maybe it will spur people on, what with this being National Diabetes Awareness Month.

 

At some point I’ll probably stop posting every little update here.  But then that means I’d have to write about something else!  My hat is off to Finished Last who sort of helped inspire much of this plan.  It was amazingly simple: 1000 calories for meals and 500 for snacks.  I went bonkers for fiber and found a workout activity I liked.  Climbing the 1.3 mile trail at Stone Mountain is a good one, too, for me because I can save a knee or two by taking the sky lift down.  The kids actually like doing that one, too.  Arwyn not so much.  Which is why she got time for herself today while the boys and I went.

 

I ordered The Passionate Marriage from eBay, since everyone seems to be raving on it and I’ve enjoyed some excerpts shared by 2Amsomewhere.  In the meantime, I notice Arwyn I moving into a somewhat better spot in our relationship.  We’re having more talks and discussions beyond kids and jobs to a point where it’s almost pleasant and enjoyable. 

 

One point of discussion did come up about her workplace.  She found out that someone she used to work with was actually fired from the job.  She didn’t know that.  She got a bit upset when she found out why.  Apparently this coworker had a MySpace page and was blogging about kids and coworkers using real names.  A parent got hold of it and soon the offender was bounced out.  Arwyn saw this as a serious infringement on her privacy and Googled around looking to see if her name came up.  She felt totally uncomfortable with the idea of her privacy being invaded like that.

 

Oops.

 

She does know I have a blog, and I’ve shown it to her.   A different universe. It’s actually more work related and since I don’t use any real names it’s not likely anyone would I.D. it.  But she still feels a bit insecure about it. 

 

This blog would totally be uncool with her.  It’s been a total avenue of support for me in so many ways, I can’t imagine NOT having it.  But I’m considering not having it.  Maybe I’ve used it as too much of a crutch.  Maybe I need to get out more in real life. 

 

I could still retain Unsolicited Advice as I purposefully set that up to NOT be so personally relationship/sex centered. Yeah there’s sexual content there, but it’s not in any way a daily account of my personal life.  There’s some personal history in the WordPress version, but it’s not anything too aversive. 

 

I think Arwyn’s concerns are somewhat valid.  This hyper-secretiveness is a trait we both sort of share and is at the root of many of our problems.  We keep a lot of stuff from each other and neither probes too deeply lest we end up getting probed ourselves.  But it’s caused problems, obviously.  But perhaps we can move out of that pattern a bit if by just having less stuff to hide.  While I’ve taken reasonable precautions in keeping stuff on the down-low stuff still happens.  Despite the stuff I’ve shared here, I’m still a pretty secretive person.  So I do understand some of where Arwyn is coming from even though her concerns sometimes cross over into full-blown paranoia.  Sometimes it is misplaced, like she refuses to do an encrypted online transaction out of security concerns but has no problems giving her card to the teenage waitress in the restaurant.

 

Seeing C-Marie give her swan song has me thinking about this place, and the 3 other places linked here with the lights still on.  How long do I keep going? 

 

I know most of you have felt the urge to close things up on occasion.  What keeps you in business?

 

D.

 

Advertisements

17 Responses to 189.8

  1. serenity39 says:

    The fact i would go stark raving mental without my blog is pretty much what keeps me at it.I don’t have girlfriends to shoot the shit with, i don’t have co-workers in whom i could confide, i need my blog to work things through. I have become less circumspect in recent months–yeah that’s my real face, and more details about my work- and i suppose i should clamp down a bit. But if i start feeling i need to edit, then the point is lost. I have another above board blog for family and distant friends; it’s nowhere near as rewarding as my main ones.
    What has tempted me to close the blog has been online pettiness more than anything. But i’m learning to keep out of that sort of thing now.
    If i was in a serious relationship, would i keep the blog private? Yes. It’s my diary. No man needs to read my diary… 🙂
    p.s. i am very proud of you for the weight loss. Its a huge accomplishment. I know how good thin feels. Good on ya.

  2. thisgirl says:

    Hi digger! First up congrats on the weight loss am so proud of you! Well done!

    I think what keeps me going on the blog front is that its my little way of saying this is part of me,i’m proud of who i am and either people like it or they dont, but its me, my own progess and his, and thats all that matters.

    Keep going I always lurk. 🙂

    Best wishes
    x

  3. […] Cures For Diabetes wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerpt…stats and story on the company bbs so all could see it.  Maybe it will spur people on, what with this being National Diabetes Awareness Month. […]

  4. FTN says:

    Hmm. I’m torn. Torn between my interest in your story and some concern for your marriage. Because obviously keeping stuff like this a secret has, I imagine, become complicit in your status as an Avoider over the years.

    Many of us have been recommending for years that you need to tell Arwyn much of the stuff that you write here. I’m not so sure just dumping the blog would fix THAT problem. Sure, it would be one less secret, but if it doesn’t help you communicate more, I’m not sure what it would help.

    Although if you ARE using it as a crutch, then you might need to reconsider how you view blogging, at the very least. I suppose any of us that spend a lot of time on blogs need to revisit that from time to time.

    What keeps those of us going that have felt the urge to close up shop? Good question. For me, I’d say a combination of boredom at work (shh, don’t tell) and the often amusing relationships I’ve formed. My reasons for blogging seem to be constantly evolving.

  5. Desmond Jones says:

    I understand what you’re saying about your/Arwyn’s mutual secretiveness, and I tend to agree that overcoming that would be a great benefit to your marriage. I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know when I say that, for your marriage to really sing, you’ve both just got to ‘go all in’ with each other, and it seems like you’re both holding back something of your ‘inner selves’ (for lack of a better term) from each other. Not that you can’t have any secrets at all from each other, but there has to be a fundamental ‘transparency’, an openness to having your life impacted by your spouse.

    As re blogging, I could echo an awful lot of what FTN said. Boredom at work, combined with ‘real world’ issues to hash around, and a circle of interesting friends in blog-space, kept me blogging (and made it hard to quit; I actually quit twice, if you recall; the first one didn’t ‘take’).

    I finally quit blogging when it became clear that my blog was demanding a bigger chunk of my scarce mental resources than I could really afford to give it (and my attempts at self-control were not effective. . .)

  6. Xian Husband says:

    I made a point not too far into my blogging career of showing my wife exactly what I was blogging about. She really didn’t care. If I’m not mistaken her only response was “Are you using our real names? No? Then I don’t really care.”

    But without that affirmation and openness I really would not feel horribly comfortable with a lot of the stuff I write about. Or used to write about since I’ve been really lax about having real actual content lately.

    So why keep the blog? What does it hurt? I write when I feel like writing, which I still do on occasion, and still have friends here.

  7. trueself says:

    What keeps me in business is very similar to what Serenity shared above — it is to keep me from going absofuckinglutely stark raving off my rocker. I would explode if I didn’t share some of the things I share on my blog. Yet there really isn’t a place for me to share those things in real life.

    Unlike you, Digger, I tend to not be very private. I am someone who thinks everybody keeps too many things too close to the vest. I wish to goodness I could share in real life the kind of things I share on my blog, but I can’t do so without repurcussions that are greater than I am willing to endure. Sometimes I share anyway and endure the repurcussions, but generally that just ends up beating me back into submission, and back to my blog to say all the things I can’t say in real life.

    Or the short version of why I continue: Nobody can get me to shut up!!

  8. Cat says:

    I need the outlet personally, there is something about writing it out. Seeing my thoughts on the page working out my thoughts as I write. And yes I do enjoy the back and forth with the handful of bloggers who comment and read. If you think the blog is becoming harmful it is certainly not worth continuing. But I always wonder about those who quit blogging to get back to their “real” lives. Can a blog really take that much away? Become that invasive or harmful?

  9. SB says:

    Long time lurker, and first time commenter. I would miss your blog if you stopped. I have very little in common with you but in spite of this have found your writing considered and thoughtful. I know it feeds my voyeuristic tendencies, and that probably goes for all the lurkers out there, it’s a bit like soap opera, but I keep tuning in. Congrats on the weight loss, you’re inspiring me and probably many others.

    SB

  10. Desmond Jones says:

    And congratulations on the new milestone – 18X is very, very cool. Nicely done. . .

  11. Katie says:

    Congratulations on your weight loss! I’ve been lurking through most of it and I have to say, well done!

    As for closing up shop, I suppose I have on my “secret” blogs. I’ve only managed to keep posting to them for like 2 months and then I quit and go back to my main blog. Unlike you all, I’m a pretty open person (my name is Katie, lol) so it’s really hard for me to keep things hidden and quiet.

    What keeps me going on my main blog is that my long distance friends and family read and they get pissy when I don’t post pictures or update. Nothing like your mother-in-law calling and wanting to know where the new birthday pictures are.

  12. Satan says:

    This isn’t what you asked for, but I closed up shop specifically because I was uneasy with keeping a secret sex blog from my husband. Once I quit and redevoted myself to my marriage, instead of whining about my needs, every single aspect of my life improved dramatically. Mostly because I didn’t have anything to feel guilty about, nothing to hold me back.
    Your results may vary, and I still had all of my favorite bloggers to read when I shut down so I was hardly giving anything up. I don’t ever want to quit reading! (So please don’t quit posting . . pretty much ignore this entire comment) 🙂

  13. eyesandearswideopen says:

    As you know I did shut down for a while. Mr. Muse knew about my blog. But it caused more harm than good I’m afraid. I was able to vent and get out what I needed to… clear the air, so to speak. But his biggest issue I think was the fact that other people were weighing in on it. Which was exactly why I opted for a blog. I felt I needed other people to weigh in to make sure I was staying grounded in my views.

    What it resulted in though, was that people only saw my world through my very tiny tinted window, and they became so used to that view, that even when Mr. Muse would give his tiny tinted perspective, he was largely criticized, since the readers had already chosen a side. That was not what I wanted. I wanted a place where we could communicate with each other, but still receive encouragement and advice from other people. It didn’t happen that way.

    Now I stick to blogging about other aspects of my life. I might touch on family life a bit here and there, but my marriage is between Mr. Muse and myself. Is it better because of that? I dunno. Conflict over the blog was eliminated, so there was one plus. But we still struggle with various things.

    I think if you know Arwyn would be uncomfortable with it, then you either need to stop or make her aware of it. Because it will only take one person who knows you incredibly well to come across your blog and be able to pin who you are. The possibilities on that sound remote, but it has happened. The Odd Wife was one instance in which she was discovered by the woman who her husband had an affair with, and was cyberstalked by her. You would not want someone to discover this blog and start handing out the url to friends and family, and to Arwyn unless you’ve already made her aware of it.

    I’ve never condoned the idea of sharing a part of yourself with someone else that you’re unwilling to share with your spouse. It kind of defeats the purpose of trying to build intimacy. you can’t be intimate if you’re always holding a peice of yourself back.

  14. Square1 says:

    Sorry, the above comment was me. Somehow the computer was logged into Mr. Muse’s Typepad account. I overlooked that.

  15. Dave says:

    Congratulations on the weight-loss, that’s awesome!

    I’ve thought about stopping, have even gone private a time or two- but for the most part, even if I post infrequently, it’s an outlet I need.

    My wife knows about it though, it’s not secret, and she reads it whenever she wants. There has been a time or two, when that could have been a problem- but, we’ve discussed it a lot, and she honestly tries her best to not “censor” or influence what I post, so it’s working for us.

    Hope you stay with it, selfishly- I’d miss your views, if you decide to stop; however, whatever you do decide, I hope it works for you.

  16. 2amsomewhere says:

    What keeps me blogging? It’s a combination of two things…

    1) A dearth of real life friends in whom I can confide leaves me not many other recourses other than to commit these difficult things to text.

    2) As long (1) is true, I might as well save a few other lost souls some time by leaving them some guideposts as to what they, too, might run into should they decide to challenge the very essence of their existence on the personal and professional fronts.


    2amsomewhere

  17. CH says:

    A bit late but I guess it’s better late than never. Right?

    What keeps me blogging (if you can call the amount of postings I’ve done lately blogging)? That is a question that has been running through my mind quite often lately. I think mostly it’s because I put so much into it over the last 3 years that it feels like it would be a waste to just shut it down. Then again I just don’t seem to have very much to write about anymore either. We don’t have the conflict that was there in the beginning. Without that there just isn’t much to say. I seem to be more into the reading now than I am the writing.
    CH

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: