Well, let’s get to the weigh-in since that is here the progress is being made…sort of. Last week I was at 211.6 pounds according to my new digital scale. On Monday morning, my new weight was 209.0 pounds. Not a huge loss which is more a symptom of my eating larger and larger portions of stuff thus violating the whole 1000 calorie/day thing. Plus my exercise regime has suffered mostly because work has been so busy. This is also why my blogging has been less than regular. FWIW, I would rather exercise than blog at the moment. I’m kind of hankering to get below 200 pounds.
Now to move on to the discussion below…
It sort of started spinning out of the orbit of reality which is entertaining but not very productive. I do think the resident feminists, Mu Ling and Emily, had some valid points at least from an oblique angle. I wouldn’t consider myself a feminist by any stretch but my present period of introspection lends itself to me re-evaluating some things I might otherwise believe. I’m in the middle of a paradigm shift.
One question seems to be whether or not I’m treating Arwyn like a child or whether she’s acting like a child. Neither of these is completely true, but there are elements of both. Arwyn’s secrecy and her propensity for getting in over her head is somewhat childlike. But her and I see debt in a different light, just like all of you disagree with me on certain points. To me, debt is an awesomely heavy burden that steals energy and resources. That wasn’t always the case, obviously otherwise I would not have had to fight so hard to get out. My new view on debt is part of this new paradigm shift. However, I view her debt in a worse light than my own because she has such a small income. It’s also not exactly my debt, meaning I didn’t have anything to do with incurring it. Is that a fair view? No.
I do only give one side of the story and it is often lopsided. Arwyn does take care of the boys pretty much all the time when they are not at school. I can get perfect attendance at my workplace because she takes them when they are sick and runs them to doctor’s appointments. She does do all the laundry, all the cleaning and most of the dishes. While she doesn’t exactly cook, she will heat stuff up which enables her to feed the boys while I stay late for work or to work out. When she does go to her bible studies or other church events she pretty much has them all ready for bed. And no, we don’t have a maid. I think Desperate Husband or some other blogger might have had housekeeper or someone to help out, but not me. But having a 22 year-old Filipino gal hanging around wouldn’t be a bad idea!;-)
So what is fair compensation for all of these things? Rent, food and clothing? To be fair, she’s entitled to a lot better than that. During our latest talk she did acknowledge that I was better about not being so stingy which goes hand-in-hand with not being so overburdened with debt. But it hasn’t been proportional.
She’s working on finding another part-time job, but I’m feeling of ambiguous about this. Fact is, there is no part-time job she could get that would pay anything that would not negatively effect me and the boys. Mostly me. At the same time, she obviously needs some oversight in the financial department. I’m thinking about some sort of match-type assistance where I match whatever contributions she makes towards paying down her debt so that it can be paid down quicker with the stipulation that we go over those bills together so that I know what is going on. The hiding of this stuff has got to stop immediately. I think part of the trust issue is my history of being very tight fisted with the lion’s share of the money. So yes, I have a history of being controlling in that respect. I’ve been working on loosening up and letting her get things that she thinks she needs even if I’m not totally convinced of the same. I’m sure she doesn’t think I need a lot of stuff I buy. So there is a legitimate history behind some of her behaviors, although they have historically gotten out of control.