Celibating 11 Years

It’s that time of the year, again! 


I was actually a bit surprised that Arwyn brought up our anniversary earlier in the week, asking me what I wanted to do.  I had no idea, really.  Well, that’s not right.  I did have an idea and you can guess what it was more or less.


But Arwyn was not talking about that.  She proposed that we might go out for dinner or something.  That sounded nice until she mentioned taking the kids along.  Ummm, no.  That’s not at all what I had in mind. 


Her and I were both massively busy with work all week.  The night before our anniversary, I gave her some money to buy milk and some fruit.  She did get milk but no fruit.  Instead she bought a card and an anniversary present; a fireproof safe box to keep valuable papers and stuff in.  She was a bit put off that I wasn’t overly massively thrilled with this.  Okay, it’s practical.  But I’m not sure it says “Happy Anniversary!” you know?


The next night I gave her a musical card with a Cars theme song, and thanking her for a very scenic ride.  Her card was as nonromantic and generic as you could get.  But she made an effort.  I also got a new TV as our old one went kaput a month or so ago.  She did enjoy that as well as some office supplies I got her so she wouldn’t have to be always devouring mine. 


That night she slept on the couch I think, as she didn’t go to bed until much later than me. 


And that was the entire extent of an 11 year celibation.  I think the last time we had sex on our anniversary was back on our 1st, when we rented a hotel by the beach.  She was pregnant on our second and wasn’t in the mood and then had a baby to take care of in subsequent years.  You can sort of get the picture.  While there was enough sex in subsequent years to have a second child, there never was as much as there was before we were married. 


Hmph.  Not much of an update, is it?  I’m not pushing for the time being.  I’m getting other areas girded up for whatever may follow, namely the financial side.  We are seriously close to ticking off a second Big Payment item that was sucking down $300 a month. Namely it was that old $10,000 Visa debt that Arwyn racked up in 2004.  And the car insurance.  I’ll then begin seriously biting into that second property mortgage which should fall within the next 12 months if I stay focused, freeing up another $330 a month.  Retiring all of these debts is tremendously liberating.  Other options begin opening up as far as saving, investing, charitable giving, and helping others.  I could do none of those things when I was so enslaved to hundreds of dollars in credit card and vehicle payments.


Lifting that weight can do nothing but help Arwyn and I no matter where we end up next. 



 That post below was written over a week ago and just never got published, so you get a bonus today!

5 Responses to Celibating 11 Years

  1. Mu Ling says:

    Doesn’t sound like a bad anniversary, really. At least there was some effort to acknowledge it. That probably seems like an odd thing to say, since many people would read this post as immensely sad. You don’t sound sad, to me, not in this post. You sound practical. And practical is a good thing to be in a situation like yours.

  2. Dave says:

    There’s nothing wrong with practical, after all- as you correctly observe, it can be liberating to deal with it all.

    But, as an anniversary? While Mu doesn’t see you as particularly sad, and maybe you’re not, the overall situation strikes me as a little bit sad. But, maybe that’s just me..

  3. xi summit says:

    Well, I guess I can and can’t relate. Queenie’s had the kids attend 3 anniversary dinners over the years (all done at home by chef XI) to “teach the girls what romance is like”. They were interesting though I’d never call ’em romantic.

    Sorry to say, you make me feel a bit better in my situation. I’ve ‘lucked out’ on 9 out of 21 anniversaries so far.

    Then again, I hope it makes you feel better to know that Queenie has gotten me a present of some sort 4 times out of 21 and a card 12 times out of 21 while I have gotten her both card and present every time. So you got me there, though my guess is it won’t make you feel any better.

    Coincidentally, the eleventh is the anniversary where I made some changes related to how I looked at things. Honestly I think some of them were responsible for us mking it to 21. Not saying they were good, or even that they were bad. They were just effective. For us.

    Anyhow, cngrats on 11!

  4. uhavegot2bkidn says:

    Your posts sound so sad. Defeated. As if you have just accepted a loveless marriage. I certainly hope I am wrong…

  5. HeliaDon says:

    I have been reading your blog for some time now. You are an intelligent and articulate man with much to offer. Your weakness and low self esteem makes Arwyn feel strong. Stop making excuses for her. I am sorry but you sound so desperate. I truly believe that in some way you enjoy this beating down. What in the world were you thinking wearing that “cage”. Did you think Arwyn would turn around and want sex seeing you in that thing? Get out of your marriage already. People do it and move on every day. It’s not the end of the world. God will not punish you. Women don’t like weak men! Whew! I had to say it. sorry…. I do wish you the best but GET OVER IT ALREADY. Your marriage is over. I would bet $$ Arwyn is having an affair. Check out who she hangs around with at her bible study. You might be surprised!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: