Emotional Needs: Family Commitment

Are we there yet?


Just getting ready for our long road trip next week.  You all get a feel for it by having to endure this little trip with me.  Yeah, I know I don’t usually post this often but with several bloggers quitting or taking it slower or being lazy, I’m just taking up some extra slack, here!


This is one area of the Emotional Needs Questionnaire that Arwyn could potentially clobber me on and it is one area where she does fairly well. 

Harley defines family commitment thus:

Scheduling sufficient time and energy for the moral and educational development of your children; reading to them , taking them on frequent outings, developing the skill in appropriate child-training methods and discussing those methods with you; avoiding any child-training methods or disciplinary action that does not have your enthusiastic support.


Geez, what if you don’t have children?  What if they are grown and out of the house?  What if they are in college?


My need for family commitment is a solid 3 on the 0-6 scale, indicating a moderate need for family commitment.  I would certainly have much to say if Arwyn wasn’t doing the above as it is sort of her primary job.  So how much time would I like her to spend engaged in family commitment?  I have no idea.  I figured 10 hours per week, but she spends far, far more hours on that than anything else.  If anything, I’d rather she spend more time on marriage commitment or maybe picking up the house or even teaching the kids to help maintain the house.  Or maybe affection and sexual satisfaction, but we already talked about those things!


Because she spends more time on family commitment, I don’t have to answer the next question as to how I feel when she doesn’t, because she always does.


On a -3 to +3 scale, my level of satisfaction with her level of family commitment rates a +2.  It’s a real strength for her; however I wish she would spend less of that time running all over Georgia and more of it just at home.  We could save a buck or two and just learn to get along as a family group instead of amongst crowds and traffic all the time.


As I said, Arwyn could definitely clobber me on this one.  I do spend some time with the kids but not nearly enough to suit her emotional needs.  The boys are interested in spending time with me, and I do like spending time with them, but not necessarily them and Arwyn at the same time.  She can be a killjoy sometimes when we boys just want to have some unstructured fun times.  She’d like every activity to align with an IEP or curricular goal or something.


And then there is the year 2020, when both are graduated.  I want both kids to be as independent as possible but she would like to keep them dependent it seems.  She doesn’t want to lose her primary job. And what will we have to talk about?  What will she do then? 


Family commitment is great and important but like everything else there needs to be a balance.



One Response to Emotional Needs: Family Commitment

  1. xi summit says:

    Queenie is no Arwyn in this arena but she does OK. This is one arena where Queenie and I mesh fairly well together, our time and goals and efforts match up well. If there’s one area we’ve failed in, it’s in teaching them conflict reolution because, well, we just don’t have enough conflict in front of them to teach ’em much. Does that make any sense?

    Like you I wonder what’ll happen when the daughters leave home, though for us it’s ‘scheduld’ for 2010 and tha only because we convinced both to do local college for 2 years before skipping town.

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