Emotional Needs: Honesty and Openness

Call me silly, but I’m enjoying this introspection as I go through my Emotional Needs Questionnaire.  You’ll have some serious catching up to do if you’re following along.  It’s a series and I am ripping through this.  This is the 3 entry today!


Honesty and openness is defined by Harley as revealing positive and negative feelings, events of the past, daily events and schedule; plans for the future; not leaving a false impression; answering questions truthfully and completely.


Sounds like a lot of conversation to me!


I rated this need on the 0-6 scale as a ‘4’.  I do value honesty very much but openness a bit less so.  Let’s face it, I have a few secrets of my own (like the blog) and it would be terribly hypocritical of me to expect more complete openness than I’m willing to give.


He takes a better approach in quantifying openness and honesty by asking to identify which of the following areas of honesty you would like from your spouse:

a. Sharing positive and negative emotional reaction to significant aspects of life.

b. Sharing information regarding his/her personal history.

c. Sharing information about his/her daily activities

d. sharing information about future schedule or plans


I picked a,b & d.  It’s not that I’m not interested in her daily activities, but then again that represents the bulk of what I’m getting from her now and its kind of boring.




Point being, openness and honesty needs balance just like conversation.  In fact my answers about openness and honesty mirror those with conversation.  When the above areas are not met, I’m somewhat unhappy and it’s mostly with the lack of balance. So satisfaction is -1.  While Arwyn is not very open and honest, she does do okay in the way she does it. 


The questionnaire itself is an attempt to bridge some of the open & honesty gap that we have.  I’m sure so much of Arwyn’s reluctance to do this relates to some anxiety about sharing with one another.  We’re both rather judgmental people so we’ll have to really work not to get too defensive about stuff.  Part of being open and honest is being willing to hear some negative stuff.  And thus far, the highest satisfaction score has been a zero!  Time to turn it around!




One Response to Emotional Needs: Honesty and Openness

  1. xi summit says:

    Here I’m outta circulation for a couple days and you go all postey-nuts! It’ll take me a bit to catch up here.

    To be honest, this is one of those areas that would rate very high with me as far as importance is concerned. As far as being met, poor Queenie would take a solid hit here.

    Oh, like you I hear about the daily stuff. That bad stuff, that is. The frustrations, the agitations, the annoyances, all of that. And she saves the good stuff, the fun, the accomplishments, the triumphs for the girl-friends. I’m the complaint department.

    It wasn’t always that way. At one time, when we was dating, all I heard was the good stuff. Now that the daughters are teens she lets out little hints now and then of stuff she didn’t tell me back then, struggles and problems. At school, at home, at church. All I heard was the good stuff. Until marriage happened. Lickety split, just like that the complaint department opened and hasn’t seen an off-day since. Full employment, job security, day in day out.

    The good stuff I usually hear second-hand at a later date. Definitely not from her.

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