Emotional Needs: An Attractive Spouse

I’m barreling through a series on the Emotional Need Questionnaire (ENQ) that I filled out a few days ago.  It’s kind of fun looking at some of these, in a morbid detached sort of way.


Harley defines this as keeping physically fit with diet and exercise, wearing hair and clothing in a way that you find attractive and tasteful.  Hopefully this won’t be too traumatic for my female readers as I know you all have massive insecurities about this.  I’m not sure if I’ll help or hinder, but I am going to be honest.


I rated my need for an attractive spouse on a 0-6 scale at a 3, where I have a moderate need for an attractive spouse.  It’s not a huge deal and certainly not a deal breaker, but the fact that Arwyn is easy on the eyes made the marriage decision so much the easier.  For better or worse.


Which of the following characteristics of attractiveness mean the most to you (circle letter(s) that apply to you)?

a. Physical fitness and normal weight

b. Attractive choice of clothes

c. Attractive hairstyle

d. Good physical hygiene

e. Attractive facial makeup.

f. Other ______


I circled a and d.  I have preferences on all these, but I’m not making an issue here.  When these characteristics are not met, I’m neither happy nor unhappy.  Actually it depends.  Hygiene can’t get too bad and I don’t think I’d want to be married to someone who weighed more than me.  But I have fairly brood tolerances.  After all, I’m not exactly a Mel Gibson, myself.


So how do I evaluate Arwyn’s attractiveness?  Honestly, I gave her a perfect ‘3’.  As far as attractiveness, she is everything I could ever want, physically speaking.


  And that’s part of the problem.  If I had a spouse who appealed to me less, perhaps the sex thing wouldn’t be so much of an issue.  Maybe I wouldn’t feel so attracted and the rejection wouldn’t cut as deep.  Perhaps the longing would not be there if I wasn’t feeling so pulled in to her just by looking at her.  Marrying someone who was so pretty seemed like a good idea at the time. 


If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,

Never make a pretty girl your wife…


Obviously attractiveness has some emotional importance in my psyche and Arwyn fits it perfectly. 



5 Responses to Emotional Needs: An Attractive Spouse

  1. aphron says:

    Attractive people (not just women) seem to have an easier time through life. People learn to use whatever talents they are given to make it.

    The “trophy wife” thing is an interesting phenomenon. Outside looking in, trophy wives seem to be a lot higher maintenance. In the social circles in my town, these outwardly attractive wives are easy on the eyes. However, they are VERY superficial. There is a stereotypical element to their behavior.

  2. FTN says:

    I’m quite curious how (and if) she is going to answer some of these… I truly hope she follows through on it. For your benefit, of course.

    (Okay, and maybe a little bit for our voyeuristic pleasure.)

  3. xi summit says:

    Queenie was never (and will never be) what the world deems ‘attractive’ yet she is the only one I have ever truly desired. There have been a couple infatuations over the years but if I’m honest they were nothing more than that. Sounds like the ENQ is focussed on ‘superficial’ traits in this section. But then, his audience is the popular world it seems so there’s a tendency to play to what sells. Just my dumb opinion.

    Arwyn’s physical attractivenes may or may not be a contributing factor to the sex thing. I tend to think the two are only slightly related considering my own situation.

  4. Digger Jones says:

    Ever read Trophy Wife’s blog, Aphron? I think it is long gone, but it was interesting a couple years ago and there was more depth there than you might expect. Satan might be sort of a trophy wife of some sort, as she’s alluded to the “sugardaddy” thing. And I wouldn’t say she’s necessarily superficial. Not that they can’t or won’t be.

    No word yet, FTN, but you’ll be one of the first (million) to know if she does follow through!

    Xi, I’d agree the ENQ is a bit superficial but I’m more or less looking for a starting point for a deeper conversation. If we can’t even do that, I’not holding out a lot of hope for our future.


  5. Fiona says:

    I love when the comments are just as thought-provoking as the entry!

    I probably fall into the category of “trophy wife,” in that it’s very important to me to maintain an appearance that falls within societally-mandated standards of attractiveness.

    I’ll grant that I probably even seem superficial, to an outside observer, but that’s part and parcel of meeting the standard.

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