I’m barreling through a series on the Emotional Need Questionnaire (ENQ) that I filled out a few days ago. It’s kind of fun looking at some of these, in a morbid detached sort of way.
Harley defines this as keeping physically fit with diet and exercise, wearing hair and clothing in a way that you find attractive and tasteful. Hopefully this won’t be too traumatic for my female readers as I know you all have massive insecurities about this. I’m not sure if I’ll help or hinder, but I am going to be honest.
I rated my need for an attractive spouse on a 0-6 scale at a 3, where I have a moderate need for an attractive spouse. It’s not a huge deal and certainly not a deal breaker, but the fact that Arwyn is easy on the eyes made the marriage decision so much the easier. For better or worse.
Which of the following characteristics of attractiveness mean the most to you (circle letter(s) that apply to you)?
a. Physical fitness and normal weight
b. Attractive choice of clothes
c. Attractive hairstyle
d. Good physical hygiene
e. Attractive facial makeup.
f. Other ______
I circled a and d. I have preferences on all these, but I’m not making an issue here. When these characteristics are not met, I’m neither happy nor unhappy. Actually it depends. Hygiene can’t get too bad and I don’t think I’d want to be married to someone who weighed more than me. But I have fairly brood tolerances. After all, I’m not exactly a Mel Gibson, myself.
So how do I evaluate Arwyn’s attractiveness? Honestly, I gave her a perfect ‘3’. As far as attractiveness, she is everything I could ever want, physically speaking.
And that’s part of the problem. If I had a spouse who appealed to me less, perhaps the sex thing wouldn’t be so much of an issue. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so attracted and the rejection wouldn’t cut as deep. Perhaps the longing would not be there if I wasn’t feeling so pulled in to her just by looking at her. Marrying someone who was so pretty seemed like a good idea at the time.
Obviously attractiveness has some emotional importance in my psyche and Arwyn fits it perfectly.