Hey! I’m getting close to the end of my Emotional Needs Questionnaire! Which is good because then perhaps I’ll be able to write about some drama and conversation related to going over it with Arwyn. Or not going over it.
Domestic support is defined by Harley as creation of a home environment for you that offers a refuge from the stresses of life; management of the home and care of the children – if any are at home – including but not limited to cooking meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, housecleaning.
I’ve actually written about Arwyn’s domestic skills (or lack thereof) before. My need for domestic support is a modest 3 on a 0-6 scale. I can do all of those above mentioned things myself and I often do them in addition to working full time. I do most of the cooking, all of the grocery shopping and everything outside the house with lawn and garden. I do dishes and will do my own laundry if I’m out of clothes and Arwyn hasn’t gotten around to washing them. The problem is when I don’t have time to maintain things, and the place goes to hell as Arwyn and the kids continue to pile dishes up and clutter the house until it is a pig sty.
As for amount of time devoted to domestic support, I really wasn’t sure what would be fair. 20-30 hours per week, maybe? I’m not sure, as my needs really are modest. I just like a kitchen clean enough to eat and cook in and a house I can walk through without tripping over stuff.
When I come home to a house that looks like shit, I do feel somewhat unhappy and will eventually just start cleaning the place myself. This is a problem with having Arwyn as a room mate: she’s not good at it at all. She doesn’t pay rent, she doesn’t cook, she doesn’t clean and she messes the place up. So I’m probably being overly generous on scoring her a -1 in her domestic support. She does take care of the boys and does do an awful lot of laundry and does the dishes most of the time. She can and does make a sandwich or put a pizza in the oven for the boys.
So she does not provide enough domestic support but when she does, I’m okay with the way she does it. She really can clean the place up when she gets the urge. In fact, when we first got married I was a little worried that I’d married some sort of clean freak!
I would gladly overlook the lack of clean freakiness if there was even a moderate amount of sex freakiness. But since there’s none of that going on, it makes living with her all the more pointless.