Emotional Needs: Conversation

I need to pick up the pace if I want to finish writing my ENQ by next Monday!  One handy thing is that I’m creating links to each post from the original ENQ post as I go so there is a nice little index.  I’m not exactly sure why anyone would want to, but I’ve learned since blogging that people like the oddest of things.


Harley describes conversation as talking about events of the day, personal feelings, plans for the future; showing interest in favorite topics of conversation: using it to inform, investigate, and understand you) and giving you undivided attention.


Wow!  That’s a lot of stuff packed in there!  I ranked my need for conversation at a 4.  Perhaps I over estimate it, though, because there’s so little of it around here.  And a lot of it is my fault.  As the sith lord of avoidance, conversation often becomes difficult.  Throw some anger, hurt and resentment into the mix, season with an extremely secretive nature, and the ground is hard packed and infertile against conversation.  My introverted nature fights against too much verbosity.  I deeply enjoy quiet introspection more than extensive verbal expression.  I suppose emailing and blogging each other might have possibilities, but Arwyn is not much of a writer.  And the roots of her own introversion work against too much conversation.  But at the same time she is a woman and talking does provide whatever opium-like substance to her brain similar to what female naked flesh images do to a man’s brain.


So when Harley asks “How often?” 1x a day seems easy. But for how long?  An hour of conversation every day seems like a lot to me right now, but we obviously need to talk more.  But it isn’t just about frequency.  It’s also about content and balance. 


When I’m not getting the conversation I want, I do get somewhat unhappy.  Again, it is more about the entire package that avoidance entails.  Arwyn will talk about the kids for hours and hours.  But when talking about The Other Thing, she will literally flee.  Or if cornered so fleeing is impossible, I’ll easily end up with a rabid monkey fit.  And those are very scary episodes requiring some sort of tranquilizer dart or something. 


My evaluation of conversation with Arwyn is -1, which is her best score so far!  Don’t worry; I do have a positive score somewhere.  As I said, I’m dissatisfied mostly with the content of our conversations.  She dominates it with kids and chores but if I get into anything too intimate or personal, she clamps up, flees and withdraws.  For this reason, there are areas of her past I haven’t been able to get to know about.  Her dad was an alcoholic and I suspect something very bad happened with that.  She still has a loving relationship with her dad but she won’t go into that past very far.  She’s going through some sort of 12 step recovery group, which I had hoped would help move things along for us.  It hasn’t really.


Arwyn has at least moved the ENQ and I’m not sure where it is so maybe she’s done some work on it today. 



One Response to Emotional Needs: Conversation

  1. xi summit says:

    Oh man, this is making my head hurt. May take me until after your vacation to work through this at the rate you’re putting it out there!

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