If you missed the last couple of entries, you’ve got some catching up to do! I’m going on vacation in a week or so, so I’m cramming in a series inspired by the Emotional Needs Questionnaire (ENQ). And
24 48 hours after giving it to Arwyn, it has remained untouched. I finished mine in an hour and now I’m essentially going over it again in blog posts. I’m not going to nag her about the thing but I’m thinking she’s going to conveniently forget. I’ve seen this movie before.
Harley defines sexual fulfillment as: a sexual experience that brings out a predictably enjoyable sexual response in both of you that is frequent enough for both of you. It’s an interesting definition. I can honestly say that my response has been less than predictable and Arwyn would at least probably agree there. But making it so would probably satisfy most cravings for sexual fulfillment.
First question: how important is it? I scored this one a ‘5’. The importance of it is a central theme of this blog. Sexual fulfillment ranks behind affection, but for me they are sort of related. It’s also related to recreational companionship in my book, but that’s for another entry. It’s hard for me to imagine any happy marriage that is bereft of sex. I’ve never met anyone who got married with the intention of extended celibacy.
The next question is how often I would like my spouse to engage in sexual relations. With me. I think 2x would be about perfect, give or take one. 3x a week would be a special treat. But we’re short on this by a factor of about 100. I’m lucky to get 1x a year.
The next question is how I feel when we’re not having that frequency and the answer is “Very Unhappy.” As if you all didn’t know!
Next is evaluating the level of sexual fulfillment with my spouse. The bottom score is a -3 and perhaps I should have written in -5. In the sex section I marked the “my spouse does not give me enough sex and when we do have sex it is not the way I like it.” Basically, going a year without sex is unacceptable. In addition to the frequency problem, Arwyn’s limitations have gotten more and more severe to the point where I’m allowed nothing except to just lay there and get off as soon as possible.
While the affection deficit is severe, the sexual deficit remains the absolute most severe of all 10 of Harley’s emotional needs. It’s the one area that epitomizes our separateness and leaves the deepest scar on me, emotionally.
The lack of affection during sex is so indicative of our failing relationship. I find it hard to imagine fucking anyone who treats something so intimate with so little attachment. This is why I have at least one escort blog on my roll, because it’s interesting to read the point of view of someone who is supposed to be detached. At the very least, it sounds like a lot more fun than what is currently happening around here.