Baptism

March 28, 2007

 

In my other WordPress blog, I did a history of my spirituality and church going activities.  That series was a productive inventory of where I have been in an attempt to see where I needed to go.  Spiritually speaking, there is always some new frontier for personal growth as a person learns about areas the need to be cleared away and cleaned up in order to move on.

 

This new church is firmly planted and grounded within all of the history, theology and traditions surrounding Rick Warren’s Saddleback church.  They use his materials in order to promote their leadership training.  They use his small group model in order to expand and build the relationship roots of the congregation.  So perhaps I’ll name this new church Saddleback East.  Even before I looked at their material, I could see this pastor was a sort of junior Rick Warren wannabe. 

 

He and his fellow pastors are now on the march towards a major building campaign.  He has preached a series of sermons on money and material possessions.  The last couple of Sundays he has enjoined the congregants to give sacrificially towards a new building fund for the next 40 months.  And I’m having some misgivings.

 

He went on throughout his message about how this campaign was not about the money.  It was not about the building.  It was about winning souls to Christ.  And really and truly, I was okay with that.  He went on and on and on.  For an hour he went on.  Then he wanted to on some more.  My butt was getting sore.  This is the thing about a second service is that this guy will use it as a license to go on longer.   And he did.  During the early service, he is limited because he has to clear a building and parking lot for the second. 

 

I was at this second service as it was when Arwyn was scheduled for her baptism. 

 

Baptism.  There is much to be said about this subject.  Some see it as purely symbolic, some see it as an act of salvation and some see it as an act of obedience.  In pretty much every case, it is seen as something special and unique.  Just about every denomination and sect recognizes it as a singular thing not unlike a wedding ceremony.  This is opposed to something like communion where we are enjoined to do it often.  And I did see some really special events.  There was the father baptizing his two adopted daughters, one who had special needs.  There was the middle school teacher baptizing one of his young students.  And then there was the senor pastor, Rick Junior, who baptized Arwyn. 

 

The issue that I have is that this whole affair felt very rushed.  It was done at the very end at about 12:45 when the congregation was already tired and hungry.  There wasn’t enough of a big deal made about it, in my opinion.  The offering (which was done much earlier) took more time than the baptism.  I felt that the pastor missed the greatest opportunity to drive his message home by not weaving these moments into his sermon.  There is no single thing he could deliver from his mouth that would not be eclipsed by the testimony observed in those people being obedient in faith and exercising it by going under the water.  They don’t do these things every week or even every month.  So it was a rare opportunity, and I felt like he dropped the ball. 

 

If I had known it would have been like this, I would have tried to convince Arwyn to do it within a small group among those that knew and cared about her the most.  The number that was at my baptism was far smaller, but at least everyone was there because they wanted to be.  I was allowed to deliver my testimony and it was a special experience. 

 

I haven’t said much to Arwyn about it, except I did say that I thought the pastor sort of treated it as an afterthought.  But it still vexes me.  It seems hypocritical to go on and on about how it is not about the money or the building, but then watch as the guy spends all of his time talking about the money and the building.  But that’s just me. Arwyn is good with it, so that’s what is important.  I suppose I could find anything wrong if I looked hard enough.

 

D.

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Metacognition

March 23, 2007

 Or thinking about thinking…

I need to answer 2Amsomewhere’s thoughtful tag.  Of course he’s thoughtful, because he has joined the elite list of thinking bloggers that have gotten a Thinking Blogger Award.  It’s interesting to see how this little meme has made its way around the blogosphere.  2Am actually nominated Unsolicited Advice: WordPress for the award, which only goes to show that he’s thinking outside the box, as it were, looking at the less popular of my blogs.  I’m only responding here, because UA:WP has been updated and I need content for THIS blog!

 

And then imagine my shock to discover Cat recently delivering her own nomination of this blog.  Cat’s blog is a thinker’s blog in her own right, as she has a somewhat complex storyline, complex emotions and complex thoughts. 

 

So now, in order to accept these generous nominations, I must nominate 5 other bloggers who make me think.  Easy Peasy.  Limiting it to 5 is the hard part.  I suppose with 2 nominations I could do 10, but I’ll leave it to these 5 to nominate who they will.  Or won’t.

 Rules:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

Tblogger

 

1. Christian Husband is definitely a blogger who pushes the envelope as far as making others think about theology, life and sometimes sex.  More than once I’ve learned a thing or two from reading him.  His story about turning his sex life around is a good (and sometimes really hott) read worthy of digging around his archives. 

 

2. Chelsea Girl – She might already have at least one of these things sitting around.  Of all the writer bloggers I’ve ever read, she is the one who challenges me as a reader the most.  Her blog reads like a classic piece of American literature.  I’m sure if she was on the assigned summer reading list, more high school boys would be interested in reading and the literacy rate of this country would improve beyond reckoning.    Put her on your assigned reading list.  She is probably the most prolific writer on my reading list, so if you don’t read her regularly, it will take you all summer to catch up.  But it is worth it.

 

3. Aphron – In my circle of relationship bloggers, Aphron succeeds in hitting home repeatedly in his posts and his comments.  He does it succinctly and with economy.  His blog belongs in your reading budget because he has a good story of his own quirky relationship as well as what goes on inside of his own head.  He’ll also make you think if he happens to comment on your blog, as well.

 

4. Emily is definitely a thinking blogger who makes a body think.  She started out as someone who made people think as a commenter and I kept pestering her to start her own blog, which she eventually did.  And it is a dandy read.  Like Aphron, you are blessed if you read her, and doubly blessed if she reads you as she has not lost her commenting touch.  She will challenge you and make you think, sometimes about things you might rather avoid.

 

5. Okay, I’ll go ahead and tag FTN with this.  He is an exhibitionist and a comment whore, but he has done it the old fashioned way: by writing about sex and sexual conflict in an entertaining way.  Self-depreciating humor has served him well.  When FTN gets a hold of a topic, you never know what he is going to do with it.  I think that’s one reason his audience tunes in: you never know what is coming next.  He lurves audience participation, and so will not hesitate to poke, prod and provoke his readers in order to shake loose their comments and views.  He does a better job of getting a response from readers than anyone else I know.  Since this involves thought, he thus earns a Thinking Blogger Award.  His comments are likewise engaging and entertaining, at least when he’s not trying to drum up business for the APA or AAMFT.

 

So there are my top 5 Thinking Bloggers.  That’s not to say everyone else is not, because I very much favor thinking bloggers of many stripes. 

 

I’ll see if I can push something out in response to the responses to the post below later, but in the meantime, I do appreciate all the warm thoughts, prayers and sentiments expressed.

 

D.


442

March 19, 2007

 

The past 24 hours have seen major developments in a couple of the major themes of my blog.  But I’ll have to catch you up a bit.

 

A while back, I was grousing quite a lot about Arwyn’s unilateral decision to go to a new church.  She has continued to go and take the boys with her.  Her involvement has deepened and increased and now she goes maybe 3 times a week plus once or twice on Sundays.  She is scheduled to get baptized this Sunday.

 

It has been painful for me to contemplate and make my choice.  I have enjoyed my time and involvement in the Methodist church.  I’ve enjoyed teaching and have enjoyed the people I was with.  I was able to feel included in their community.  However, Arwyn did not feel included and was spiritually withering on the vine.  She hasn’t had the more orthodox, fundamental experiences that I have had.  Her thinking is not quit in the frame as mine, which is grow where you’re planted.  But that isn’t to say I’ve retained my own spiritual vigor over time.

 

In the grand scheme of things, this church experience is the sort that I’d have hoped for her years ago.  I thought at the time a more Biblical orthodox experience would benefit her.  In the meantime, even as her level of discontent with the Methodist church increased, I adjusted and got more comfortable with it.  So when she was finally ready to make a move, I absolutely was not ready.   And I became less ready the more she pushed.

 

However, I began to come to terms with my choices and where we were headed and where I wanted to be headed.  It was obvious she wasn’t changing her mind and the more I thought about it, the more it made more sense for me to switch.  So I decided to make the move.  This last Sunday, I taught my last class at the Methodist church.  Those that were there were sorry to see me go, but understood why I was doing it.

 

I also went to the membership class in the afternoon for the new church.  The pastor is a bit of an ex-hippie and his background told why this church is so big on a contemporary music format.  I listened to him explain where he came from and why he thought another church was needed amongst the 8 other churches within a 4 mile radius.  Much of what is happening here is based on Rick Warren’s model of a Purpose Driven Church.  The model used at this church is grounded exclusively in the Bible, rather than history or tradition or dogma. 

 

Generally I could get on board with this outfit without reservation outside of the fact that I’ll have to start out at the bottom.  When it comes to using spiritual gifts, they want everyone to move through the entry-level services.  Usher, greeter, parking lot  attendant…those kinds of things.  I’ve tried the greeter bit and it isn’t my thing.  I can do it and whatever else without much complaint but its not necessarily using my gifts.  I believe every Christian is called upon to pray, evangelize, teach, show mercy, minister and have a basic set of skills but we each have one or two of these in abundance.  Teaching is obviously where I feel God’s pleasure the most, but few churches will allow someone to just walk in and do that. 

 

Anyway, after this class, Arwyn was keen to talk.  And we did for a few hours.  I basically went after her and challenged her, “Are you sure you want to join this church?  You know they are going to expect a higher level of commitment and a higher standard of behavior.”

 

She said she understood, but I don’t think she was quite getting my point.  So I just drove it home.

 

“These folks will expect you to adhere to a Biblical standard which includes submitting to your husband.  And by going off on your own apart from me, you’ve violated the belief system you’ve just joined!”

 

I know I’ll catch some flack for the above statement.  I’m all about the other side; my responsibility of making sure she feels loved.  But I really felt the need to drive home that particular point because it has been a point of contention between us.  She has been in a state of rebellion for a long time and it has caused serious problems for us.  Not because I’m being a tyrant, but because she repeatedly comes out from what is supposed to be a protective place to do her own thing and disaster visits us all, most notably in the area of finances. 

 

I don’t expect non evangelicals to get this idea of men submitting to God while women submit to their husbands.  But it should be fairly easy to understand that you don’t join a church or other group with the intention of going against that group’s norms.  Would you join a group devoted to cats and bring your dog?  Would you bring a grill and some steaks to a PETA picnic?  Do you regularly go to the local Macintosh User’s Group and go on about how great Windows XP is?  It’s up to each person to know about their particular group before joining.   The problem with Methodists is that they no longer adhere to any standard.  

 

This took Arwyn by surprise a bit and she had to think about this for awhile.  We got the kids in bed and asleep and she wanted to talk more.  She apologized for going outside of my input and pushing for this new church.  I told her that God was able to use anything, and this might just be the best thing for us, no matter how it came about.  She assured me that this is what she wanted.  She wanted to lived more consistently within the Bible’s teachings. 

 

And then something happened that has not happened in a very long time.  Something that had not happened in over 440 days, in fact.

 

We were laying in the dark on the bed and there was a long period of silence.  Then I turned towards her and we just hugged for awhile.  Then Arwyn said, “You wanna get naked?”  I was stunned.  “Before I change my mind.” she added.  I decided to ignore that last bit as she was truly making an effort and that’s really all I wanted.  And, after all, it had been almost a year and a half. 

 

What followed was a fairly drawn-out and somewhat unexpectedly relaxed love making session.  I was just thoroughly enjoying the sensations of two naked bodies next to each other and then becoming one.  I could have went for a second round, but did not.  There was plenty of after-play cuddling and kissing throughout.  Arwyn said she wanted this to be a new start for us.  She also said she wanted to know my heart and felt like I was always distancing myself from her.  I said I felt the same way.

 

In many ways, Arwyn and I are a lot alike in temperament.  Anger and resentment can linger for long periods of time and we both have issues with forgiveness.  The avoider mentality is a natural function of us both being somewhat introverted.  We both tend to live mostly within our own heads.  But with her deciding that she really wants to submit puts the weight of the relationship more squarely on me.  I can’t just let things slide off the deep end as when she refused to listen to what I was telling her.  She could still rebel and I could still screw up.  But the fact is, we have both decided to shift over to this new page and a different sort of relationship.

 

I’ve experimented with trying on a more submissive role, and this just isn’t for Arwyn (me being submissive).  And my last little experiment sort of illustrated why it’s not exactly fitting me properly, either.  The difference in the Christian paradigm is that while a wife is called to submit to her husband, the husband is not called to dominate.  I just thought I’d clarify for those thinking this might turn into me totally flipping the script.

 

So for the first time in my recent memory, Arwyn has stated a more emphatic desire to see our marriage work.  She’s trying to set things straight and wants to start out new.

 

I do want to thank those of you who have been with me throughout the entire 442 day sexual drought and those who came in the middle of it.  It made the journey slightly less lonely.  I’m sincerely hoping that none of us have to suffer through anymore of these.  

 

D.

 

 


Photo Shot

March 13, 2007

This morning I was awakened by the early morning wood trying to bust out of the cage at around 5 a.m. Normally, I would try to to sleep through it or use the bathroom and try to go back to sleep.

However this was not such a morning. No, I got up and used the bathroom but I did not go to bed. I went to the computer, instead. And sure enough, there was the combination to the key. Always Aroused Girl is nothing if not dependable. I only regret that she couldn’t be here to personally deliver it and unlock me. I unlocked the lock, and re-deposited the key into the Shurlock. In a few days or weeks I’l forget the combination, anyway.

While Arwyn was taking her shower, I grabbed the camera and hopped back into bed and watched the morning news. And to stretch out. I removed the cage, leaving the ring on with the locking post. After Arwyn emerged from the bathroom, fully dress, she darted out without so much as a look. All to the good.

First, I did some cleaning of the cb3K and its assorted parts. Then it was time for me and my cock to get re-aquainted. And just to up the ante a bit, I decided to see if the aneros could assist.

Let’s talk a bit about male masturbatory habits for just a second. It would be fair to say that most guys can do it just about any time, any where if there’s enough stimulation and urgency. However, we do have certain times, places and methods we prefer. And there are methods we do not prefer. For me, I’ve never been into stroking off in the shower or in the standing position.

I’ve had an orgasm in the standing position exactly once, about 5 years ago while Arwyn stroked me off while we were together in the shower. It’s hard for me to think of an encounter with her hotter than that one. Afterwards I commented that I had never come standing up before and her reply was, “I imagine you could probably get off just about any where or in any position.” I never was sure how to take that remark.

So in order to meet the agreed upon conditions, I had to be laying down. Plus I had to take a picture. It is then that I experienced another first, aside from taking this sort of picture. This was to be a photo shoot in the most literal sense.

My most favorite hand might be Arwyn’s. But when I’m solo-ing, I am a definite righty. And I quickly discovered that cameras favor the right with a view finder on the left and the button on the right. Taking this shot one handed was going to be a challenge, to say the least. So I decided to stretch myself even more and go left handed. It was almost like having a new partner!LOL!

So with aneros and my hand working away and some extra lube and with over 2 weeks of confinement, you would think it would be as easy as gravity, right? Right? It took some extra time and concentration and while holding the camera and worrying about the big shot. The money shot. This was a lot of pressure! In more ways then one.

But I persevered and finally the moment of truth came. I came. And my sore cock and balls felt some relief and relaxation for the first time in a long time. But Mount Vesuvius, it wasn’t. I was totally nonplussed. I waited over 2 weeks for THIS?

I got what would be hardly described as a money shot. More like a loose change shot. The-quarter-under-the-couch-cushion shot. I definitely need more practice. I definitely need to find my mojo, as this is unacceptable.

D.

No, I am NOT posting the photos.  So consider yourself spared …for now.


Okay, I think I’m ready

March 12, 2007

That last entry was written earlier in the week and I kept fiddling with it and finally just slapped it up there to have something new.

The malaise was and is real enough. Arwyn is on some sort of emotional hiatus this past week, so there’s no help to be gotten there. I needed a bit of inspiration so I decided to grab some of Altarboy’s latest stories. Most of these things do not really hit my buttons. The guy who inherited his aunt’s alien domme…there were possibilities but it never did much for me. The one written by the girl who crosses dresses her brother…again there were possibilities but, meh. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose, not that I’ve been doing any of that lately.

However, the one about the wedding surprise did manage to hit my buttons, making the cage seem too confining. I was keen to get some fun on.

Arwyn had taken the boys out for the day, and I was dealing with a slight headache. My normal cure for a headache when I have the house to myself is locked away and unavailable so I had to resort to some aspirin and an alternative activity. But I didn’t get anywhere, meaning there were no super O’s or even regular O’s or even small O’s. Just frustration. I’m suffering from pleasure deprivation.

Yes! I am finally admitting to suffering! My balls are now carrying many times their accustomed load. My member has forgotten what playtime feels like. I miss having fun and using my body as an amusement park. I just miss the freedom of knowing the same pleasure as every other married guy out there who is married to a sexually unresponsive woman. Namely having sex with someone who loves him for himself.

I want out. Not in a sexually ramped up, horny kind of wanting out. Not in a feeling-backed-up needing-release sort of way. But in the same way a person feels when they have spent a week or two in another country and culture and is ready to go home. I miss my cock. My cock misses me. We have suffered through many dark times together and are likely to suffer many more troubles and indignations. We’ve been lonely but at least we’ve been lonely together.

So, AAG, what say you? Can I go home now?

D.

 

 


#13, 14, 15

March 11, 2007

 

Some of you may be scratching your heads wondering why I’m not trying to scratch and claw my way out of the cage.  It’s been about 2 weeks, which just a few months ago represented my outer limits as far as endurance.  To be honest, I’m not understanding it so much myself.  On one level, I actually like it.  I like feeling the grip of the cage when I’m in a semi-aroused state, which has kind of decreased in frequency.

 

 On another, I really miss playing with my favorite toy.  It was such a source of comfort and fun.  But it was an empty joy that was not shared. 

 

So I’m sort of seeing how far I can push the envelope.  I’m entering into some new territory this next week, so that should be interesting. 

 

Maybe I’m just in a sort of plateau here before ramping up, again.  It could also be that Arwyn isn’t really maintaining any sort of attention.  And it does take a certain amount of maintenance to keep things going, emotionally.  The simple fact of being caged provides a large mental and emotional charge.  But maintaining over an extended period of time takes some extra effort and energy.  For someone who is locking themselves up, it’s just a matter of self-discipline.  For others who have keyholders, there is a modest investment of time and effort required. 

 

Given that aspect, this latest lock-up period has been highly instructive.  There really is no substitute for time invested in someone else.  Again, I’m recovering ground previously lost, in that I’m more aware that my wife and I devote insufficient time towards each other.  I knew this over a year ago, when I was fighting mightily just for 2 minute periods of some semblance of intimacy.  I have to really dig in just to approach that meager line.  This opens a host of other issues beyond the cage and desire which I’ll not get into at the present time.  But suffice it to say that it does highlight a need for at least the minimal amount of investment by both people.  One person can not carry the load indefinitely no matter how energized and motivated they are.

 

D.

 

 


Always Aroused Girl

March 6, 2007

Just the name becomes the stuff of fantasies. Who wouldn’t feel delighted to have their girl be always aroused? Who wouldn’t be turned on just by the thought of having a girl around who was always aroused? Well, apparently there’s at least one guy out there.

Now to be perfectly honest, I can see where it might be slightly bothersome sometimes. Like a cat who always decides to trip you up at the worst time by rubbing on your leg, or the dog who always wants to hump your leg and everyone else’s who walks in the door. Okay, yes. That could get old in certain circumstances. But come on! I like to think of it as a constant opportunity, sort of like having a stove that has its pilot light always lit and simply needs just the right turn of the knobs and >poof!< the flame is on!

If someone didn’t like having their girl always aroused, why would they take her home in the first place? Why take home an always aroused girl when you have no use for her arousal? What an incredible waste! It’s like a person taking home a fine thoroughbred horse who has no intention of ever riding her. What sense does that make?

I’m embarrassed to say I can’t remember exactly when I came into the presence of AAG. It might have been a comment she left, as I had a post or two that was getting a lot of airplay in the sex blog world when she made her debut. And we did sort of run in similar circles, blogwise. And hers was almost a mirror image of many of the same issues marriage-wise. We were natural kindred spirits. We both were sex bloggers who were writing all about sex but not actually having very much sex. We wrote about the sex we would like to have, and wondered if we ever would.

Always Aroused Girl became a major player in the sex blog universe by virtue of the rich textures she used in her writing, conjuring up sadness, and anger as well as lustful desire and even laughter from her readership. She almost always provokes her readership to chime in and participate. She makes each person feel like part of her own inner circle. As a writer, her touch is inviting, welcoming and accessible. Some bloggers come off as being larger than life and are inaccessible. That’s never been the case with AAG, who is nothing if not fairly humble in her writing. She’s very real. Definitely the girl next door…don’t we all wish?

Over the last couple of years, I have followed along on her adventures. I’ve even been inspired to imitate some of them such as taking advantage of myself on the couch or sticking toys up my butt. But of course, no one can do these things with the flair that Always Aroused Girl brings to the experience.

I considered a few of my fellow bloggers for the job of key holder, but there really was no doubt as to who was going to get asked first. After all, what better compliment is there to an Always Arroused Girl than an Always Aroused Boy? And truly the best and only way to make sure that your boy is always aroused is to lock him up and hold the key!

She has opined as of late that I have not been begging sufficiently. She is, naturally, correct. However, I think what she might really mean is that have not sufficiently projected my horniness. I really need to work on that, because what good is an Always Aroused Boy if you have no idea that he’s aroused?

I have my virtual eye fixed on AAG, make no mistake. When I dial up, I am checking my email and I am visiting her blog several times to bask in her aura. Oh yes. I am drawn there.

Having said that, I’m also mindful that I am married and my real eyes are fixed on my wife. There might be improvements afoot but these are slow coming and will take some time.

I’ll give up more on that a bit later. But in the mean time I’m just thinking how fun it is being the Always Aroused Boy for our favorite Always Aroused Girl.

D.