I spent some time out of town and did call Arwyn once while I was out. She didn’t seem like she wanted to talk much so we didn’t talk long.
I had a bit of a layover in Chicago so texted her asking if she was there. A ‘yes’ came back and I called her to talk for a bit but she spent almost the entire time talking to the boys and very little talking to me. I was missing her. Or missing the person who would be there to greet me lovingly when I return home from a long journey.
I would love to have the type of wife who would wait for me and prepare herself for me when I returned home dressed in something sexy. Someone who would embrace me and kiss me longingly as she greeted me when I walked in. It’s this sort of vision that makes a man anxious to return home after a long time away. But the reality is often a much more disappointing experience. I’ll be getting home around 9:30, after the kids are in bed. Prime loving time, if you ask me. But what is the reality?
The reality was that I didn’t get home until around 10. We talked just a bit about the trip, the flight and the frigid weather I experienced. And then we went to bed around the same time.
She laid down in her inverted position, and I snuggled next to her. She turned on her side facing away from me so I tried spooning her. Grabbing a breast was a total non-starter, as well as trying for any sort of extensive kissing session. There wasn’t room for most of me under her blanket, but I persisted in trying to snuggle in behind her with a hand on her hip. And then grabbed one more kiss before getting myself in bed normally. And then jerked myself off to an orgasm so I could sleep. She sort of tolerated me for an extended amount of time and never did raise a fuss for being right there and actually nearly drifted off to sleep before I made my move to my own sector.
This is so not what I signed up for when I got married. I’m trying to imagine what sort of person would opt into this sort of lifestyle and arrangement. I’m enduring and have been doing so for quite awhile. I think the only reason I’ve been faithful this long is because I haven’t been tempted. How would one ever resist any serious counter offers to a life where one is barely tolerated and left to whither on the vine?
I know I’m just whining and complaining. I should pony up some real dough and pay someone to listen to my complaints so they can wave their counseling wand and make my troubles disappear. Maybe if she’s half as lonely as I am, we could hook up!LOL! Something has gotta give here eventually. Going year-to-year in a state of involuntary celibacy just isn’t going to work for me. Somehow I have to decide what it is that will work for me. So far what doesn’t work:
-Feeling like a rapist when we do have sex
– Being treated like just another chore
– Manual sex that is totally mechanical
– Chastity play that involves me playing by myself
Valentine’s Day is coming up. Egad. What a joke that is in bad need of a punch line!