Place Holding: Dr. Laura Berman

I wanted to hold on to this post by Dr. Laura Berman for a future post or comment or whatever.  But feel free to have at it. Get a load of the loads of comments SHE gets!  Getting a front page on Yahoo always helps.

D.

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11 Responses to Place Holding: Dr. Laura Berman

  1. So Gone says:

    Amen to that!

    I saw that article last week, and wanted to be able to touch on it again, too.

    I was watching Roseanne reruns last night, and on one of the episodes, Roseanne tells Jackie (who just had a baby and was fighting with her husband about letting the baby sleep in the bed with them, and alienating the husband) that when the kids grow up and leave, you are left with your spouse, so don’t forget about them now. So true.

  2. aphron says:

    That is so true. Sybil and I have managed to so over-schedule our kids, that we no longer have a weekend. I almost look forward to Monday, because we don’t have to run from one activity to another. In one of our fights, Sybil worried aloud that we would eventually divorce after the kids left. I didn’t argue with her. That thought has echoed in my head on more than several occasions.

  3. 2amsomewhere says:

    Some of the vitriol being directed at Dr. Berman is pretty stark. Of course, I wonder what some of those kidaholics would say to this, much more blunt, discussion of the issue:

    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/163494156.html

    I’ve been tempted to post that on the refrigerator a couple of times during my more reptilian moments.


    2amsomewhere

  4. FTN says:

    I’ve always wondered why this isn’t common sense to people. The first paragraph says it all:

    “Believe it or not, couples who don’t make their children the center of their universe end up raising healthier children. In being happy with each other, they give their kids the greatest gift of all: a solid marriage for them to learn from and, one day, replicate in their own lives.”

  5. Hazel says:

    “As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!”” Coco Chanel. Well, I have to say that I’m lucky that I do only have three children. Unlike some of my friends who have four children (i.e. ages 3, 7, 9 and 46). lol

    Of course, I do agree that you have to work at a marriage and spend time with/for each other away from the kids, but from what I’ve seen how some men react – they get jealous at any attention given to a baby/child, and act more like kids themselves than adults who realise that eventually that child will grow up to become independent and eventually (hopefully) leave home for their own lives….well.

    Making children the centre of your universe? Well both my husband and I are kind of ‘guilty’ of that in equal measures :). It’s a lovely kind of ‘guilty’ though! We know we have them only for a short while in their lives. So we make the most of that – and do things for and with them together, apart, whatever. It’s not the making children the centre of your universe that’s the issue here I think…it’s whether you both want to do that, both enjoy it and both know that you can still have time for each other, to chat, have fun (yeah and have sex even lol). Everyone in a family is as important, although all have differing needs at different times. It’s an art to ensure that no one is ‘neglected’. A balancing act, which is bloody hard to pull off without buggering it up sometimes. I’m always (even if I say so myself) putting others needs before my own, but I know there will come a time (at least I hope so) that as a woman I will have more time for myself without a husband who needs me for something and children who need me for something. To be honest I kind of take that back – I DO have four children !!!! lol

  6. Hazel says:

    I have to admit I started with a bit of an anti-man quote because I was so pissed off at 2amsomewhere’s link to that craigslist ‘rant’. That anti-woman rant – having a go at women who ‘let themselves go’ after marrying. Ye gods. Give us a break.

  7. Cat says:

    Besides it is SO cliche to speak of women letting themselves go. When I am in the mall I see a heck of lot more pop belly husbands and they don’t have the day to day care of the kids as an excuse so why the heck are their clothes wrinkled and they look like they just rolled out of bed?

    I think both sides are guilty in a marriage no matter what the issue. Women can be accused of losing themselves in their children. But husbands can be accused of expecting a sexual being without doing any of the work. If men would recall they typcially do quite a bit of work to get a woman’s attention when they are dating. The minute they are married all the extras stop but they still want the woman to gaze at them like they are Jack Bauer. So maybe the woman would come out the ponytail and put on a little makeup if her husband was taking her somewhere so it was worth the effort.

  8. 2amwomewhere says:

    In all fairness, husbands have their share of shortcomings in addition to the things that Hazel and Cat brought up.

    I think where men really screw up is that they withdraw from the marriage in some way… perhaps getting too wrapped up in work, hanging out with friends after work, being too involved in a hobby.

    Sometimes that withdrawal is fueled by feelings of neglect (note: I’m referring to feelings, not neglect in an objective sense). Other times it is a lack of maturity.

    In my own situation, I’ve had to deal with feeling neglected no matter how much energy I put into being involved.

    The part of the rant that really resonated with me wasn’t the infantile Kathy Bates reference, it was this part:

    Many married moms, 10 times out of 10, would rather have a marathon cookie-baking section rather than do something spontaneous or fun with just her husband. OK, 8 out of 10 times is fine, 9 out of 10 times is understandable, but 10 times out of 10 for the kids? Nothing for just you and your husband, or even just for yourself? There are women who are that slavish in their devotion to making sure their children are entertained at all times. But don’t they realize that it will create side effects and eventually repercussions to their marriage?

  9. FTN says:

    I will freely admit that I totally want my wife to look at me like I’m Jack Bauer.

  10. Satan says:

    She would, FTN, but THERE ISN’T ENOUGH TIME!!
    😛

    —-

    Within the past few years, I’ve notice a huge rise in artcles like this – a backlash against the superparent generation. Apparently, making your kids the sole reason for your existence and protecting/entertaining them within an inch of their lives isn’t good for anybody. Who could have predicted that?

  11. 2amsomewhere says:

    I forgot to mention this in one of my original comments, but the term kidaholic was something I picked up when reading about the book The Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Married by Wendy Jaffee.

    Here is an article that she wrote about the topic.

    http://www.familymanonline.com/moms_and_dads.php?id=93

    Some of us who are dealing with LL spouses might also notice that the spouse may fall under the kidaholic rubric.


    2amsomewhere

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