Days without intercourse

I am trying to think back. Back, back, back, back, back.


When was the last time I went an entire year without sexual intercourse?


When Arwyn was preggers with our second, she was on bed-rest from the moment of conception. Close, but no. There was some very awkward fumbling after 10.5 months, but we did have sex again.


Before dating Arwyn, the previous girl I had had sex with the day after Christmas. I fucked her in a new nightie I had bought her. But she wasn’t so into it and I could tell we were on a down hill slide. I moved my stuff out of her house that week. I fucked Arwyn the first time during the second week of December the next year (1994?). Very, very close there, but not quite a year. Another couple of weeks and it would have been a year.


Before my two year period with the old girlfriend, I had a series of short-term affairs from my first month in Georgia. My last year in Iowa I had a few women…


Dead Ringer. The first girl I was ever naked with but never had sex with. 1989. George H.W. Bush. The Berlin Wall was still standing. The Soviet Union was still our most feared adversary. The price of gas was about $1.00. Pee Wee Herman was the #1 children’s television show on Saturday mornings. Arsenio Hall was the coolest late-night talk show host.


The last time I had a dry spell this long, I was typing my thoughts on a Laser 128 (an Apple IIc clone), with 128K of RAM, no HD and everything was stored on 5.25″ floppies.


My sexual history didn’t even really start until I was 25 years old. I wanted to wait for the right one. I really did. I went all the way through high school and graduated college without having sexual intercourse. I was tempted and came close more than once. Sometimes the girl stopped things and sometimes it was me. But I held off longer than most people who are reading this.


And now, I am back to where I was 20 years ago. Living in the same house and often sleeping in the same bed as a woman who is neither my mother or my sister. We’ve seen each other naked on a few occasions in the shower. Kissed each other several times. We made two boys by joining together as one flesh. But we have not done that since Christmas Eve 2005. And that was actually a good time. There were a few attempts after that, but around February I gave up. I had finally been turned away and rejected too many times. Almost our entire 10 year marriage has been characterized by clashing libidos..


I want to smoke. I want a smoke SO bad. Smoking was more than a habit. I could blow smoke to express anger. I could flick ash and inhale deeply and feel the nicotine bind within my blood stream, firing off the serotonin in my brain. I could exhale smoke out my nose like an angry, snorting dragon. I was one with the fire.


The cigarettes were always there. Always dependable. I never had to wonder, “Am I going to get any pleasure today?” It was always one flick of the Bic away. Never further than the closest convenience store. And all the store clerks around knew who I was and what I came for.


I could light up over and over throughout the day. Hit after hit. Stroking my brain with masturbatory excess giving myself mini-pleasures over and over. Cigarettes were dependable. They never got pissy. They never had a period so they never had PMS. They were never too tired, too busy, too uptight, too satiated.


I am missing them mightily.





5 Responses to 364

  1. therese says:

    I’m so sorry, Digger. I hope that 2007 is a better year for you and Arwyn.

  2. Cat says:

    I second Therese’s comment. There really isn’t anything else to say. I do sincerely hope 2007 is much better…

  3. elise says:

    Oh man. . .that’s really rough. I hope it gets better for you guys!

  4. Tom Allen says:

    Digger, don’t take this personally:

    Arwyn is not the only sick one in your relationship.

    To put it more tactfully, it’s one thing if you’re going to do this for, say, reasons of failing health. But she does not have a fatal disease, nor is she wasting away in some hospice bed. The two of you are both – within reason – functioning adults. From what you’re presenting (and you’ve got a veritable cottage industry of blogs going), there’s no question that Arwyn has issues.

    But consider: you, yourself, seem to have put more energy into blogging (i.e., complaining) about these issues than you seem to have put into resolving them. A year is a helluva long time, and unless the two of you have agreed to a chaste marriage, then really, it’s up to the both of you to work on this.

    That said, let me share this: I was once in a relationship in which we went for nine months. But the lack of sex was only a symptom of the failings of the relationship as a whole. Once we acknowledged that, it became easier to move on.

    Of course, in that case it meant that we split up. But certainly, it wasn’t over just the lack of sex.

    Tom Allen
    The Edge of Vanilla

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