It’s Been Awhile…

I’ve gone to bed early the past couple of nights (a bit more on that in a minute) so my online blogging has been limited.  Arwyn has been spending more time on the computer doing various projects, plus I’ve had other things going on.  I know a lot of you blog before/during/after work on your work machine and I would periodically do some after work hours in the past.  But our machines at work are under increasingly tight IT lockdown and anything by Blogger is blocked.  Which means most of you and many of my own blogs.  For whatever reason, WordPress has not been locked out, blocked or whatever.  This was another reason for my switch, because even though most of you are Blogger readers/writers, WordPress is just a more accessible system for me.  The day will come when that will probably blocked by the Fun Police as well, but in the meantime I’ll do what I can.


It’s been awhile since I’ve had much drama at home.  One reason for that is that we’ve been in this mode of parallel lives.  We go to different things with different combinations of the boys at different times, wake up at different times and go to bed at different times with me staying up until the wee hours.  At least until the last couple of nights.  I was so tired Monday night, I kept snoozing off while channel surfing.  When Arwyn came in and said she was going to bed, I had no problems turning the TV off.  Sometimes she’ll ask if I’m going to be up and if I’m watching a movie she’ll go sleep on the couch.  But usually I’ll get up and go to the computer so she can sleep.


Last night, she was doing stuff for her little job and I was making stuff in the kitchen towards the Christmas effort.  Arwyn actually caused a little extra work there because she ATE the stuff I had made 2 weeks ago!  Hopefully the stuff can survive the next couple of days. 


So last night it just so happened that we went to bed about the same time and I was again, quite tired.  I think it goes without saying that there was no sex on the table.  Sex has not been on the table since last year’s holiday season.  I am approaching that 365 mark without sex pretty rapidly, here.  Considering the length of the dry spell, I don’t think I’ve done so badly.  I haven’t made any sexual demands or put any pressure on or said anything.  Yeah, I know how you all have vociferously asserted and opined that all the avoidance business has been detrimental but at the moment it has been okay.  At least last night I hadn’t the energy for any of it.  I didn’t think she did either as she was coughing and acting like she was coming down with a cold.


I was busy dozing when I felt something…it was Arwyn giving me a neck rub.  I was in that haze between waking and sleeping and it felt sort of good.  I didn’t say anything or react in any way except to stop snoring which is probably why she was doing it.  My snoring has been an ongoing source of conflict for quite some time.  I figured not smoking would help lessen it but Arwyn is one of those who doesn’t tolerate any noise while she sleeps.  Even though she snores all the time, I don’t let it bother me.  I just like the sound of her breathing.  So she rubbed my neck for awhile and then must have stopped. 


A little note for those of you new to my story:  Arwyn and I sleep in this inverted position head-to-toe, so she must have had to switch position to get to massaging my neck.  But I wasn’t thinking anything at the time except that I was tired.


It was not long after when I felt her drape her leg across my back and was moving, moving, moving it all rhythmically on my back.  That was just odd and weird.  Again, I figured she was trying to get me to stop snoring and this was better than kicking and beating the shit out of me like she is otherwise prone to doing.  But she kept doing it.


It has been so long.  It has been so very long since I had really had any sort of touch from my wife.  I came out of my haze and my fire was lit up.  Now I was moving rhythmically, grinding into the bed.  I turn toward my bride and put my hand on her (totally clothed) butt.  I was still moving.  She swatted me away but I persisted and then she got up, grabbed her pillow and blanket and stormed off.


“What’s wrong?” I asked, knowing the answer all too well.


“I just wanted to sleep!”


Well, shit!  You know what?  That’s kind of what I was doing!


It took me awhile before falling asleep again, since I went from amorous to furious in the space of about 20 seconds. 


I woke up late this morning due to the lack of sleep and there was some rushing about trying to get out the door.  Arwyn seemed to be a bit (a bit) more friendly than her usual just ignoring me this morning but there was no time for getting into it.


I suppose, according to the fundamentalists, getting bunk beds is violating my marriage vows, too.  



12 Responses to It’s Been Awhile…

  1. Cat says:

    You know what that was just down right mean. I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy. I wonder why she even started? Is she looking for attention even if it’s negative attention?

  2. So Gone says:

    I’m going with Cat’s assessment… she’s like a needy child, she wants attention – even if it’s negative. And, honestly, you guys might as well be in bunk beds, lol – you might sleep better!

  3. Digger Jones says:

    No, not to mislead. I’m sure she was trying to get me from snoring. Like I said, she tends to poke, hit or kick and I’ve been a bit aggressive in fighting back. I do prefer the gentler approach. Sometimes I’ll get a swift kick when I’m awake because she thinks I’ve stopped breathing.

    Maybe it’s just me, but I think that if I’m going to die I would prefer to die in my sleep.


  4. Cat says:

    Wow, how loud do you snore? Don’t answer that LOL. I think I would vote for the bunk beds if my choices were to get me all excited and then leave me cold or a swift kick…

  5. FTN says:

    Amazing how miscommunication can happen even when you aren’t talking to each other.

    I don’t think bunk beds would solve the snoring issue. Perhaps you’ve answered this before, but if it’s that bad, have you talked to your doctor about it?

  6. Therese says:

    “Well, shit! You know what? That’s kind of what I was doing!”
    Did SHE understand how angry you felt by the mixed signals? It isn’t right if only one partner can express anger.

    I don’t get it. I don’t understand her actions. I’m sure I’m stating the obvious here, but it doesn’t make any sense that after such a long dry spell she would be touching you like that without a clue as to where it might lead.

  7. denise says:

    I’m obviously coming into this with a lot of catching up to do, but I have to echo FTN a bit. A lot of miscommunication minus the words. I can only imagine that after such a length of time, any touch extended by someone not prone to do such a thing could be read and/or appreciated in such a manner. When you’re thirsty, you’re first thought would be to guzzle when someone offers you the drink you crave.

  8. Satan says:

    This is why separate bedrooms is such a great idea. Sometimes you just need a bit of space to truly enjoy each other . . . and a good night’s sleep. And I can’t see how it breaks marriage vows – it used to be a sign of status, way back in the day.

    But really, her reaction is so unnecessary and I totally agree with Therese that it’s wrong that she gets all mad at you without even thinking for a second how you must feel.

  9. Hazel says:

    Well, my husband snores terribly and I haven’t slept in the same room and bed with him for the past 9 years (since our daughter was born)…..I slept on the settee in the front room for 6 months, and then graduated to the bottom bunk of bunk beds in another room. It’s heaven to be able to get a decent night’s kip, without being woken many, many times by snoring loudly in my lugholes.

    So…..apart from different paraphenalia for stopping snoring, or an operation at the extreme end – my suggestion is simply sleeping in another room, either you or her. Sorry I can’t be more helpful :S.

  10. Trueself says:

    Good grief. Sounds like a sleep study might be in order for the both of you to find remedies for the snoring. Until then, I would go for the bunk beds or the separate rooms or something that will be less frustrating. After almost a year, I think she was a little childish to think that you wouldn’t have taken that as a bit of a come on.

  11. Kristen says:

    Wow. My honey is currently living in Australia and 9000 miles away. I only get to see him once a year for about a month or so – and he snores like a buzzsaw. He is the only person I know that can actually sorta snore while still in that state between awake and sleep. But with all of that, when I come home from my visits, I can’t sleep because he isn’t there snoring beside me. Maybe there is a coorelation between love/affection and amount of snoring one can withstand?

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