I’ve always hypothesized that anyone who is not too bright is not going to spend much time reading me. This is counter balanced by the fact that my readership has an odd streak. I see that as a good thing but various mental health professionals may see it as a potential revenue stream or symptoms of a deeper personality disorder.
Emily asked how Arwyn sees me, beyond what I DO. This is an interesting question, but difficult to answer since I can’t read her mind. But it might be profitable to guess, and then turn it around.
First off, Arwyn does regard me as a very moral person, personal kinks aside. She admired my Christian convictions, although there were and still are some contradictions betwixt typical evangelicals and where I was when we first met. Her family, while basically good, wholesome people were not regular church goers. At the time we met, this was quite important to her.
While my job is something I do, my work ethic is second to none. Seriously, this is what growing up on a farm does for a body. Being in pain, being in harsh weather, working under adverse conditions and doing it every single day; these are all things my suburban-raised brethren struggle mightily with. If I was running a large company, I would hire Midwest farm boys in a heartbeat, no matter what their skills. It’s harder to train an ethic than skills.
I suppose not being a drunk (like her father) falls under things I don’t do, but it was an important factor for her. How important intelligence was to her, I can only guess. I know she liked it, but over the years she’s become less impressed with my intelligence.
But let’s turn this around. How do I feel about Arwyn, aside from what she does? I think for many low libido women, this becomes a MAJOR sticking point. I have heard many women complain about feeling like they were simply some sort of receptacle or jack-off tool. I think Emily, herself, had such an experience. It’s more than possible for any person to feel objectified under certain circumstances. But I also think the feelings of being objectified reside squarely within the person who has the feelings, which is why The Work works for me by releasing me from the grip of those feelings by detaching from destructive thoughts and beliefs.
Arwyn has always been a fairly giving, gentle spirit. The giving part is much less apparent to me now, but she still remains a fairly gentle spirit. She is interested in spiritual things and is moral in her own right. She also has intelligence, but is much more of the emotional intelligent variety, especially when it comes to the children. Adult behaviors frustrate and baffle her, which is something we both have in common.
Arwyn’s avoiding nature is precisely one of the reasons why I chose her. She was not a confrontational, nagging shrew like so many other women I know. But she can’t help being a woman, meaning she simply chooses not to voice her constant worries and neurotic insecurities which are always present. My mistake was assuming they were absent when that was never the truth. A lot of my guy friends arrived at the same false conclusion, thinking she was the perfect woman who didn’t have all the hang-ups other women had. She looked like she had her shit together.
No one has their shit together. No. One. I can say that of guys as much as women just so it doesn’t seem like I’m picking on women. But I, with my left-brain superior thinking, really do think less of women for being a big mass of worry and insecurity. I’m not saying I’m right, but I’ll just throw my bias right out there instead of trying to dodge and hide.
So many of the problems we have originate in mistaken assumptions on my part. That is past assumptions and current ones. Again, my current bias probably has many holes and inaccuracies within. It causes some serious problems with my thinking and my actions.
Arwyn really is a lovely human being inside and out. My problem is giving her a chance to show that part of her. I know she does not pick up that vibe from me and is more apt to get the more sexist feelings that you’ve gotten out of me just now. I do a piss poor job of encouraging her, as I have kind of a dark and negative bent to my nature. It has gotten more difficult to love, honor and cherish her and I’m sure she often feels I’m fobbing her off. Talking with her requires a tremendous amount of energy and patience because it is not a straight-forward type of conversation. Most often, there is no point to it. There is no solution to find. It might even be a complaint with no solution. She’s just venting it out.
Trouble is, I am barely able to handle and process my own emotional waste. Now I have hers, too? I think this is why so many men turn down their wives and turn up the TV. We just get flooded by too much stuff and we’re unable to handle the emotional stuff. Conversation becomes a chore, a lot like sex is to many.
I’ll give a go at some other comments a bit later on the Blogger site.