What day are we on?

I’ve totally lost track of the days! Where are we at, exactly?

As far as I can tell, I am at the 2 week mark. This means I’ll be free irregardless in about a week. Something to really look forward to! And it’s good to have something to look forward to. I’m actually doing pretty well, considering we are approaching a new personal record, which I think stood at 15 days prior to now. Being able to mentally prepare does help with the endurance. I’m not sure I’ll ever want to go that long again, though.

I intended on posting a new blog poll to see if the readership might prevail upon Satan to give me a pardon, but the two main blog polling programs I’ve been using have not been working. It’s nice that she’s enjoying holding the key and the extra attention. I suppose there is some satisfaction in the “I could if I wanted” mindset. The power to release or withhold release. It’s a lot like the power a LL person has, isn’t it? If they want sex they can have it, but it is possible to just enjoy the power of keeping the figurative key in the pocket. This might be why they resent any notion of cheating or letting the partner get release from someone else. Suddenly they check their pocket and the key isn’t there! The power is gone!

I know that it’s more complicated than that. Adultery involves a betrayal of the most personal kind. However, sexual rejection is rejection of the most personal sort. For some reason, our LL partners do not seem to make this connection. C-Marie recently pointed out that she had brought up the idea of getting satisfaction elsewhere to her husband, and he hit the roof and rejected the idea outright. Other spouses have reacted in a similar ways.

I actually did approach Arwyn on the subject years ago. I asked her what she would think if I went elsewhere. She said that it would basically mean the end of sex together. However, it appears it is dying anyway. Would getting sexual satisfaction outside the marriage have to mean the end of the marriage? In Arwyn’s case, it may not be although it would certainly dash any hopes for intimacy. But she is simply unable to take care of herself and/or the boys. She has no concept of scarcity when it comes to money, space or time. No matter how much I have, it is never enough. We’re destined for food stamps and government housing if she has her way.

I’ll say one more thing about the cheating business here. It’s the type of thing where a body has a right I suppose. But it is the sort genie that can not be put back into the bottle. It does change everything, or at least the perception of things. I really do not necessarily blame people attached to LL partners for going elsewhere. I totally get it. Lord knows, I have considered it more than once. A day. I’m as vulnerable as the next person. But if I did it would turn the situation totally around where instead of Arwyn being unfaithful in spirit, I become unfaithful in fact.

I wish Arwyn would just find somebody for me. She’s had a couple of HL friends who have complained about being in need of some extra attention. But she knows what I know; that physical attention builds powerful emotional bonds that are not easily separated. You would think if she wanted that sort of intimacy for herself, she’d want to go at it herself just to build and strengthen the pair bond.

Yes, we have more problems than just sex. Sex is a symptom of more serious problems. But it can also be a medicine that treats wounds as well.

D.

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