Another update post is below this one
This could just be a backlash from stuff that the chastity cage suppressed, which is part of the risk with this. However, considering the tone and content of my last post before release, it was leaking out, anyway. What I'm doing here is extending that post and venting. I need to vent, sometimes. This is a good place to vent, but I'll apologize ahead to any readers I might offend with this screed. It's just eating at me, and I'm not going to be free of it until it gets out.
The topic is "Forsaking All Others." A favorite pet of LL apologists is pointing out that there is nothing within the marriage vows that guarantees or mandates sex. They go on to say that no one ever dies from not having sex, and it is not a requirement of life, like food, water and air. Withholding sex is not the same as withholding food.
But what does "forsaking all others" really mean? Does it mean you can't be friends with others? Does it mean you can't give food, aid and comfort to the homeless? Does it mean you can't have other relationships? Just exactly what is being forsaken in those marriage vows? Just one thing: sex. Only in the sexual context does the vow "Forsaking all others" make any sense at all.
So if I'm forsaking "all others" this necessarily means "all others except…" Except whom? If I'm a spokesperson for a particular cereal company, say Captain Crunch, and promise to "Forsake All Others" does that mean I quit eating Captain Crunch, too? If I work for a law firm that promises to "Forsake All Other" clients, does that mean I can ethically quit serving the client I made the promise to and for? I suppose the argument could be made in both instances that I could retire, and forsake everyone altogether. But then, what about those who I made the agreement with? If I promise to represent one client and forsake all others, and then retire from serving ANY clients, does that mean the one I made the promise with is stuck without representation until I die? Because this is essentially the case that Arwyn and her cohorts (both male and female) are making. She can argue that she is forsaking all others, but she is forsaking me, too. She isn't forsaking all others, she is forsaking ALL. Marriage is a contract of exclusivity. Each person promises exclusive rights to one another. Exclusive rights to what? Money? Time? Attention? Because surely there are other demands on us for all of these things. Again, it only makes sense within the context of sexual intimacy. I suppose one could make an argument about emotional intimacy, but what exactly does THAT mean? Parsing out sex is difficult enough in a post-Bill Clinton era. Something like "emotional intimacy" would be even harder to define, since you can not even see it.
The reason this comes to mind, is because lately I'm feeling forsaken. Left alone. Abandoned. Especially when it comes to physical intimacy. The remedy for feeling sexually alone would be hooking up with someone. But of course, hooking up with someone besides my wife is adultery and a violation of that "Forsaking All Others" vow. So my choice seems to be crossing the line and violating that vow, or remaining forsaken, myself. I could guilt my wife into putting out, like Dewdrop's husband does, but then I feel like a rapist.
I suppose one remedy might be to put those feelings aside and get to the point where I don't care how Arwyn feels about it. This doesn't seem like a very healthy course of action, to me. Certainly, not very loving.
I'm in the process of developing some potential objectives and goals that I might work on with a therapist if/when the time comes. I'm not even banking on Arwyn going at all. Better if she does, but I'm setting up my own personal benchmarks.
But I'll post those in a later post. Of course, suggestions are welcome.