Hmmmm. Tighter vote this time. Remember that comment votes count twice as much as anonymous votes.
Last night, for the second night in a row, I slept with the Aneros. No super O's but it does make for some interesting sensations, especially when I'm rock hard and trying to relieve the tension by emptying my bladder. It makes it a bit more of a challenge to relax enough, which is probably why it adds such intensity to regular orgasms. And this exercise is all about the contradictions. Chastity is about that tension between pleasure and pain. I can feel enjoyment in the tension and yet be chomping at the bit for release. I like being in, but I want out. Taking full advantage requires giving in to it, and allowing the contradictions and tensions to have their way. Problem is, real life often intrudes.
I can't do my job while in subspace. I can't be much of a parent, either. So there limited times when I can really let go, and work and parenting do compete for that energy.
Broccolieater asked a few good questions. One, is what is the difference between chastity and celibacy? What's the difference between going a week in the cage and being celibate for a week?
Celibacy involves refraining from sex. Chastity can also involve refraining from sex, although the emphasis is on faithfulness. Chastity can exist in a marriage, even in the presence of a normal sexual relationship. Celibacy usually does not, at least in a happy marriage unless both partners consent to it mutually. Even in celibacy, chastity does not necessarily exist, for one is a mindset and the other is a circumstance. Whether or not masturbation plays a role in celibacy is up for some debate, but this is not true for chastity. And it could be argued that involuntary celibacy in marriage goes completely against the spirit of chastity in the Biblical sense.
Chastity is a voluntary choice, whereas celibacy can be rooted in circumstances apart from the choice a person makes. In the case of Arwyn and me, she imposes celibacy, while I choose chastity. The spirit of the two is radically different.
Enforced chastity with the cage involves quite a bit more that simply not having sex. From a physical standpoint, the cage or any chastity belt worn by a man inhibits a full erection. Most men have a series of increasing erections during the night and in the morning. I had no idea as to the extent of this until I actually wore the cage during the night and was awakened by hard-ons throughout the night. These things have nothing whatsoever to do with erotic dreams. So there is the increased burden of not having erections.
Then there is this business of sitting to pee. Most guys take peeing standing up for granted. But my state of chastity is reinforced every time I use the bathroom. And every time I'm awakened during the night as my erection pulls on my balls. A regular guy is going to eventually have nocturnal emissions if he goes long enough without getting off. Try having one of those without a full erection!
Sexual orgasm is a source of comfort, pleasure and tension relief. It isn't the same as food, but has similar enough properties that it is considered a primary drive in normal, healthy people. Chastity is akin to fasting as involuntary celibacy is akin to starvation. One is a beneficial discipline while the other is a destructive thing that is considered inhumane. Again, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Gluttony in sex, as in food, can result in a false sense of entitlement.
Unlike food, sex in marriage involves the mutual consent of two people. If one person chooses to refrain while the other doesn't this becomes a serious problem. With food, one person choosing to diet does not necessitate the other person behave likewise. I've never heard of a divorce precipitated by one partner sneaking extra food from a food provider behind the dieting partner's back. But sneaking sex from a sex provider usually involves much more serious consequences to a marriage.
I've extended a bit beyond the basic topic of chastity as that's where my thoughts have taken me. But there is another question which begs to be answered. Given that chastity emphasizes faithfulness, what about this business of me asking others to vote on my release from the cage? Doesn't that violate the spirit of chastity? I don't think it does, because Arwyn still has the final say. If she wants me, I am hers regardless of any vote. But she has stated unequivocally that she wants nothing to do with chastity, the cage or any sex games. Or games involved with NOT having sex. She wants no responsibility over my sexuality. My sexuality is mine and mine alone.
I can think of no more gross violation of the marriage covenant than sexual aloneness. Infidelity and cheating and adultery essentially involves going outside of the marriage, leaving the one who remains inside alone. It is the rendering asunder of the agreement made in front of God and everybody to be together.
A man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one flesh.
But I am alone. There is no ethical way to impose this upon my wife any more than a person can impose marriage itself on another. I can impose nothing on Arwyn, especially loving sex. I've tried, and came away feeling like a rapist. So, I impose chastity on myself. And I appeal to invisible internet friends to participate and have the fun with it that I don't have with the woman who sort of shares my bed.
Broccoli also asked what the longest stretch in the cage (or chastity device) was. According to the UK chastity site, the most common is 7 days, with those going beyond a week increasingly rare. There are die hard groups who go 30, 60 And 90 days. The 365 day club is extremely rare. The record holder in the same survey was 8 years. These devices do involve a certain degree of maintenance which means taking them off and cleaning them and the parts they cover. This is another reason why 2 weeks is a long stretch. While I do my best to keep things clean, there's a limit to the thoroughness I can do while wearing it. After 2 weeks, things can get a bit earthy!
Sorry if the whole post has taken unintended twists and turns.