I finally found a term that describes what happens after several days in the cage. And that's where I'm at now. It's a process of ascention that gradually increases over time. The process can be enhanced and quicken through greater intimacy with Arwyn and it becomes a sort of cycle. More subspace = more attraction = more attionion which leads to a greater level of subspace.

Last night I was deep into it as Arwtn and I cuddled and just talked about stuff. Holding her and being held helped sink me deeper into that space, with the cage in a near constant grip. My cock is in a hypersensitive state brought on my not touching it or anything touching it besides the cage. Over the course of our talk, Arwyn became more open to being touched and held and became more open to touching and holding me. It was divine. No mention was made of being unlocked, and that would sort of defeated the whole idea. Yeah' I'm definitely looking forward to being let out, but I'm also liking where I'm at emotionally and mentally. Where Arwyn and I are at together.

Leela is wrong about not being brought together with chastity. A body will never feel better about someone by treating them badly. No one can be enticed into being treated better through poor treatment. Chastity helps me get into a space where I can traverse the intimacy gap between us. I go the extra mile, and Arwyn begins to respond to that. She is not prone to initiate the process, so the choice is to either let things fester or to begin some sort of healing of the breach. While in subspace, my own rights matter less. It is only by sacrificing some of that that I begin to get the attention that I'm really after.

Arwyn is not quite the cold fish I sometimes paint her as. She does respond to loving gestures and selfless service. She can be inspired by acts of affection and will reciprocate in the best way she knows how. If she decides to keep me locked up because she likes me this way, it is up to me not to complain about it. I'm not doing this just to get in her pants. I'm doing this to improve our entire emotional environment.

At some point she may ask if I want to be unlocked. This may be where I need to find the courage to say no. I like loving her this way. I like her loving me this way. I do not want to pressure her to think she has to meet my sexual needs. I want her to feel like she wants to meet my sexual needs. I don't want it to be a chore, I want it to be an exercise in greater intimacy.

I can not get into this space while I am indulging in and catering to my own selfishness. It just is not going to happen. Subspace is just a more loving and giving place. It's not a convenient place, and it is sometimes a pain in the ass. The chastity cage is just my means of getting there, and once I get to a certain point, Arwyn begins to respond which brings me even further in.

Not everyone can or will do this and I'm okay with that. Leela and Pheonix have a more balanced rrelationship that does not seem to require extraordinary measures to keep it going. Just playing with it can be fun, as many guys have discovered. If a guy is open to it, go for it. Phoenix, by virtue of being open to giving it a try, demonstrates a lot of security and trust and confidence. No wonder Leela is so into him!


7 Responses to Subspace

  1. So Gone says:

    I think the cage works if both parties are willing and interested participants. I’d love to have control over My Boyfriend’s orgasms and have him pawing at me in many ways all the time, but the cage is just not the answer for US. Apparently, it is the answer for you and Arywn, at times.

  2. Desireous says:

    “I don’t want it to be a chore, I want it to be an exercise in greater intimacy.”

    Well you know sometimes I read you and get so annoyed at you cause your such a “condescending prick” But then you go and say something like that and I can’t help but see the sweeter side to you and I know in an instant how much you love your wife and yearn to make things right between you both. I’m glad you wrote this post it brought me that much closer to understanding where your head and your heart is at with this. I am really hoping this works for you both!!!


  3. O272 says:

    As long as it’s something you’re both into and positive about, I’m all for it. I don’t expect the magic of the cage to work overnight, but you seem to be making some real progress! I look forward to hearing more!

  4. ArtfulDodger says:

    Just be sure that when Arwyn does ask to unlock the cage, that you don’t miss out on that moment being the one you’ve been waiting so long for. That didn’t come out exactly right, what I mean is, don’t let your increasing (and good!) awareness of your ne emotional state overwhelm what might just be the turning point for her! Otherwise I think you are moving in good directions here Dig, I agree with Des, this post really clarified alot of what’s been a sometimes tough path for us to follow along with. Good stuff.

  5. DH says:

    I can’t but help thinking about being caged and trying to get through airport security.

  6. Leela Lamore says:

    Of course I am wrong about this … you just went ahead and proved it! I think the key words here though is that as so gone said in the first sentence. Des of course picked up on something else in that your entire attitude has changed and that through that you are saving your marriage and making Arwen happy. This is really what this is all about.

    The switch from you being self centered before the cage and your attitude now is incredible and I understand how this works for you.

    It’s a tool to your own attitude.

    You put it nicely to say that Phoenix & I already have this attitude hence we don’t need tools like the cage to acquire this intimacy.

    Wonderful Post *hugs*

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