Good Question

0272 asked…

Does keeping yourself caged make Arwyn feel as if she has to participate? If so, do you fear that this is a round about way of controlling her?

In the early days of my chastity, I did make some mistakes and this was a major one. I thought about buying a chastity cage long before I finally actually did it. By the time I forked over the money, I had already been reading about it for months. Arwyn had no idea. And since she hasn't read up on it, she is still somewhat in the dark about it. Nut I did try to prepare her a but. I wrote her a long letter basically asking her if she would help me be faithful. I asked her to take the lead with our sexuality. But I'm sure she never imagined the chastity cage. When I finally showed it to her, she was very hesitant. But she did really try to have a go at it.

We did have a contract that first summer. Arwyn abided by it, but did not really enforce it. There was no teasing sessions, no punishment or even consequences. Arwyn let me out every 3-4 days, just what the contract said. My contract was modelled after some others I found on the net. If a guy is looking to convince his wife to get into this, I would advise against such a thing. Otherwise, it does become a controlling thing and that's not what it's supposed to, at least in that sense. I wanted Arwyn to have her way with me, not the other way around.

If a woman wants to approach her man about getting into the cage, a contract makes much more sense and is a much better idea. But in either case, information is crucial. This can be a lot of fun and is for a lot of people. In 2003, over 1/2 million chastity devices were sold, according to a source linked on my right hand bar. It's bigger than one might think.

Back to the question: Arwyn did not like the pressure and basically gave my keys back. For any guy into this kink, that is the single most devastating thing a keyholder can do. It's more severe than extending lock up, than any beating or any CBT. It is the proverbial nuclear option.

Since then, I've had to learn to take things much slower and make them less intense for her. She does NOT have to participate if she doesn't want to. I have the Timelock and I use it. She knows that, and I make it fully available to her if she wants to extend my time with that. We arrived at a partial compromise last weekend where she has two keys available to her and I have two keys that I use with the Timelock. She agreed to keep her keys secret and safe. And that's it.

In the beginning, the answer to the questions were YES. Now I've gotten way less controlling. Arwyn might feel some pressure, but it's no different than the everyday pressure to have sex with her husband.

D.

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3 Responses to Good Question

  1. Amanda says:

    I’m confused – did you know that you were sexually incompatible before you married or has she increasingly changed (or you) over the years?

  2. Digger Jones says:

    I have a year-end post that will reveal some of the history. The short answer is mor typical in that before marriage she was into it, but afterwards, it became a gradually increasing struggle.

    D.

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