I locked up on Christmas morning after my special Christmas Surprise. I'm thinking that was Arwyn's Christmas present to me. It's still no small thing as I cannot remember her making any overtures during any previous Christmas or any holiday, for that matter. So she must have been pretty happy with her Christmas haul. Still, it's more than about the sex or an orgasm. It is about intimacy, and we still have miles and miles and miles to go on that score.
Last night, after waking from my 2nd or 3rd hard-on, I decided to plug in the Aneros. The thing is comfortable enough to sleep in. I decided that if I'm going to be awakened like that, I might as well give the prostate a bit of work, and practice using those P.C. muscles. I should be getting to the point where I'm not waking as much pretty soon.
The draw towards Arwyn is definitely strengthened by the cage experience. This is made stronger by virtue of her actually holding the keys and gets amped up over time and as we share more physically intimate moments. When unlocked and taking care of my own business, I am less likely to seek her out, preferring to let her come to me. And since that is a fairly rare occurance, I'm left with a lot of resentment. So when jazzed up with the cage, I'm initiating much more and this tends to build even more steam over time. In a week, I'll be pretty in to her.
This is why orgasm-on-demand can be such a treacherous thing. If two people are so into each other that sex happens spontaneously and often enough, it can be a wonderful thing resulting in a very tight bond that can weather all manner of storms. But if one person is not into it, it becomes a major stumbling block and a storm unto itself. Masturbation, on the face of it, seems like a solution to tide the HL over until the LL comes around. But in actuality, it seems to sow more seeds of resentment. While no one that I know of gets married with an ideal of cellibacy, I've yet to meet anyone who got married in order to perfect their masturbation techniques. And yet there are scores of millions who seem to be living just that sort of life.
Masturbation quiets the physical urges that might lead a person to more assertive action. So the emotional poison remains while the physical drive to work it out is diminished. It's like taking a shit without having the kinetic energy necessary for a clean flush. It just keeps piling up, and greater energy is needed as more shit gets added to the pile. Soon, the plumbing is completely stopped up, and will take nothing short of a supreme effort to move things through. It stinks to high heaven and begins attracting unsavory critters and soon becomes intolerable enough to warrant the necessary attention. But at that point, it is a major bother. It's so easy for hopelessness and despair to set in.
Chastity, OTOH, is a choice. Longterm chastity might not be my first choice, but it is still a choice. A difficult choice, to be sure. It was C.S. Lewis that said no one can understand the true power of temptation except through resisting it. For if a person gives in, they will not know or understand the power it might have exerted had they endured further. The whole lock and cage business is just a matter of giving me sufficient time to consider my choices. And to consider them often. For everytime I have to sit to pee, everytime I wake up in the middle of the night with a caged hard-on or when theres a pinch of some sort from being confined in tighter blue jeans, I am confronted with the choice I have made. I am reminded and not allowed to passively forget.