Day 3

12/27/2005

Tuesday

I locked up on Christmas morning after my special Christmas Surprise. I'm thinking that was Arwyn's Christmas present to me. It's still no small thing as I cannot remember her making any overtures during any previous Christmas or any holiday, for that matter. So she must have been pretty happy with her Christmas haul. Still, it's more than about the sex or an orgasm. It is about intimacy, and we still have miles and miles and miles to go on that score.

Last night, after waking from my 2nd or 3rd hard-on, I decided to plug in the Aneros. The thing is comfortable enough to sleep in. I decided that if I'm going to be awakened like that, I might as well give the prostate a bit of work, and practice using those P.C. muscles. I should be getting to the point where I'm not waking as much pretty soon.

The draw towards Arwyn is definitely strengthened by the cage experience. This is made stronger by virtue of her actually holding the keys and gets amped up over time and as we share more physically intimate moments. When unlocked and taking care of my own business, I am less likely to seek her out, preferring to let her come to me. And since that is a fairly rare occurance, I'm left with a lot of resentment. So when jazzed up with the cage, I'm initiating much more and this tends to build even more steam over time. In a week, I'll be pretty in to her.

This is why orgasm-on-demand can be such a treacherous thing. If two people are so into each other that sex happens spontaneously and often enough, it can be a wonderful thing resulting in a very tight bond that can weather all manner of storms. But if one person is not into it, it becomes a major stumbling block and a storm unto itself. Masturbation, on the face of it, seems like a solution to tide the HL over until the LL comes around. But in actuality, it seems to sow more seeds of resentment. While no one that I know of gets married with an ideal of cellibacy, I've yet to meet anyone who got married in order to perfect their masturbation techniques. And yet there are scores of millions who seem to be living just that sort of life.

Masturbation quiets the physical urges that might lead a person to more assertive action. So the emotional poison remains while the physical drive to work it out is diminished. It's like taking a shit without having the kinetic energy necessary for a clean flush. It just keeps piling up, and greater energy is needed as more shit gets added to the pile. Soon, the plumbing is completely stopped up, and will take nothing short of a supreme effort to move things through. It stinks to high heaven and begins attracting unsavory critters and soon becomes intolerable enough to warrant the necessary attention. But at that point, it is a major bother. It's so easy for hopelessness and despair to set in.

Chastity, OTOH, is a choice. Longterm chastity might not be my first choice, but it is still a choice. A difficult choice, to be sure. It was C.S. Lewis that said no one can understand the true power of temptation except through resisting it. For if a person gives in, they will not know or understand the power it might have exerted had they endured further. The whole lock and cage business is just a matter of giving me sufficient time to consider my choices. And to consider them often. For everytime I have to sit to pee, everytime I wake up in the middle of the night with a caged hard-on or when theres a pinch of some sort from being confined in tighter blue jeans, I am confronted with the choice I have made. I am reminded and not allowed to passively forget.

D.

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7 Responses to Day 3

  1. Square1 says:

    Your attitudes when locked and unlocked are like night and day. Each post from each stands out in stark contrast. I’m tempted to ask you to make it a game. Write a post every day and make your readers guess whether or not you’re locked up. ;0P But that would be such a tease wouldn’t it. I much prefer your attitude when you are locked up. You seem to focus more on yourself than those around you, and in the long run… you’re the only person you can force to make that decision every day.

    I love C.S. Lewis. He is a wonderful author. I always smile when I see forthcoming quotes from him.

  2. ArtfulDodger says:

    Dodger, i apologize for not commenting lately, I actually lost track of you for a week or so there and just got caught up again. so many things happening and mostly positive at least. you almost seem like a different person than you were a month ago. congratulations on the progress! and i mean that very sincerely.

    We did the same thing with my son growing up regarding the Santa issue and he’s 12 now and well adjusted. it made the transition so much easier for all of us, so i encourage your attitude about it.

    i don’t know that i would have the courage you have and actually lock myself up. I went 12 years in a faithful relationship without it, but different strokes for different folks. if it is working for you, then I say stick with it.

    it does seem like things have gotten a bit more relaxed with you and arwyn, and that is some very good news.

  3. Digger Jones says:

    Astute observation, Square! You have your finger squarely on it, pardon the pun. As near as I can figure, I’m actually getting into a sort of mental subspace when locked up. I think that’s the attraction for me, because it is not subspace for a moment or even for a few moments, it is over *days* or even *weeks*! I’m afraid making readers guess wouldn’t be much of a game, because my focus does shift so radically. When in chastity, that’s about all I want to write about!

    I dunno, Dodger. This is just another option in the struggle that I’m exercising. Cheaper than counseling and more fun, too. But it probably does take a certain mindset of a kinky sort. I would highly recommend it, if things ever settle down in whichever of your situations. I’m amazed at anyone who doesn’t kink out after that many years of being deprived! In my case, being deprived made me more depraved!LOL!

    D.

  4. O272 says:

    Does keeping yourself caged make Arwyn feel as if she has to participate? If so, do you fear that this is a round about way of controlling her?

    I’d really like my dh to get one, but I don’t want him to feel like I’m looking to control him in any negative way.

    Looks like it can be a lot of fun, but I’m playing the devil’s advocate before making any purchases.

    What do you think, D? Do you feel as though you’ve gained or lost control (in a negative way) due to this contraption?

  5. Digger Jones says:

    Geez, o272, you ask a great question! One that deserves a post of its own, in fact.

    The short answer is that in the early days, she did feel enormous pressure from holding the keys, and I’m sure there is some pressure now. But I’ve tried to minimize that as much as possible.

    As far as me gaining or losing control, I definitely give up some by being locked up. But for those of us with a chastity kink, that’s part of the attraction. Both you and your husband should read the information that is out there, as much as possible. Get ideas and come to an agreement as to what you each want. Yes, it can be barrels of fun.

    D.

  6. Leela Lamore says:

    Digger now that you have clarified your reasoning behind being caged I understand a lot clearer. To be honest with you the link you gave, gave being caged a really bad impression for me (and I would think most men would be indignant!).

    Your attitude is way different and I now understand WHY, thank you. I did post my perception specifically on the link and not on you. I did raise the power issue as o272 mentioned, see what you think.

    Of course we are on polar opposites so perhaps I will never fully understand. I agree with square1 you seem a whole lot more positive in the cage!

  7. ArtfulDodger says:

    Hey Dig, it seems to be working for you my man and that is what really matters. As for kinking out after years of being deprived… well I do write an internet sex blog, am having an affair with a married woman and I recently started taking pictures of naughty bits… all of which I would have denied ever doing only a few short years ago. Always beware the insane man who swears he isn’t!

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