Trying for a Non-Sex Date

December 21, 2005

Last night, I asked how long Arwyn's mother is staying and it will be about a week. I asked her if her mom might babysit for us one night so we could go out. She asked where we might go. My suggestions, her replies:

How about a movie?

No, there aren't any I want to see. Plus I don't really want to spend the money.

Arwyn has never much like movies. Last night I went to "Walk the Line" by myself. I might expand on that later.

How about we use the gift card we got from work to go to the steakhouse?

I really wanted us all to go, and take my Mom with us for that.

What about using our Stone Mountain Passes for just us?

Well, the boys really want to go there.

Three pitches, three strikes. And she never offered any ideas of her own. Maybe her mother will watch them while we go to therapy.

Since I left a comment at NSN's place on the subject, I'll give a brief go 'round here…

I have actively avoided the whole counselling route deliberately for several reasons, beyond cost and childcare. First, I see it as a last ditch effort. If counselling fails, that would pretty much be that. End of the line. Second, I don't see Arwyn complying with any competent therapist or counselor's advice. I have some knowledge of the field and she would not tolerate the work and disclosure necessary to make it productive. Finally, the marital counselling field itself is pitifully and woefully ineffective in improving marriages and marital satisfaction. If I won the lottery, I'd go into the field myself just to see if some good solid research couldn't be done that would show some degree of efficaciousness. As it is, divorce attorneys know as much or more about marital problems and conflict as counsellors!

I'm not ready to go that route, yet. I may down the road in the future. It's a possibility I want to keep open and I may try it. But not yet.