Tons of you are wondering, "What happened? What is behind the sudden turn-around?"
I have been unfair to Arwyn by depicting her as being rather stupid at times. And ot goes without saying that I have slanted the story to show her as simply cold and uncaring. This is simply the way I have been feeling about it forever. I am, afterall, a condescending prick.
One fact about our earlier talk I failed to mention was the fact that Arwyn said she has been unhappy. Very unhappy. Like many unhappy people, she has had no idea what to do about it. I challenged her to do something or meet me somewhere. And so the meal thing was agreed upon which you all pointed out was a really big step.
The biggest talks, arguments and now passionate moments have taken place in mornings after both kids are on the bus. Our youngest rides the bus 2x a week, and Arwyn drives him the other 3x. Getting the kids out of the house has been significant. It has emboldened me to confront her on more things since we don't have to worry about waking/upsetting/supervising kids. Children are wonderfully educational and there is no better or faster way to mature than to be a parent, but they are absolutely lousy for intimacy. It's reasonable to assume Arwyn feels more secure about being passionate or open, when they are gone.
The cage does things to and for me, certainly, and it does seem as though her knowing I was locked up helped loosen her up and helped her to not feel pressured. Especially once I told her I wasn't getting undressed that morning, she might have taken that as a challenge.
The War for Intimacy is a war of attrition, not of conquest. Gradually, slowly, working and wearing down the walls that seperate us. Many of you want massively decisive confrontations all the time, and I'm not going to do that. I want to give her room to come to me. Or not.
Prior to this the last time we had any sex was over 100 days ago. The last time we had it before that was another 2 months prior. Getting all excited about this is premature. Desperate Husband went over 80 days and now he's over 50. If we add up just our two periods of celibacy over 2 encounters, we have almost a full year's worth! I'm not being ungrateful, I'm being realistic. Until a longterm pattern develops to the contrary, I am always going to steel myself for issues in this area.
One of those issues is going to be her satisfaction. I am open to whatever the hell gets her off. Really and truly. If eating shit gave Arwyn orgasms, I would have brown-stained teeth right now. She can get whatever she wants. Within physical limits. Unfortunately, she gets most aroused by the onset of my orgasm. And then she's only approaching not really able to reach and grasp it. I can only stay hard so long after I've shot off. I do my best. I don't know who remembers the cockring debacle, but that was the idea behind those toys that are virtually unused. The problem is that Arwyn simply will not allow sufficient foreplay. I've tried to explain this and I have books (Intended For Pleasure) detailing this. On the rare occasion that she listened and heeded it, she acually came with me which was great. But enjoyment is absolutely no guarantee that she would want sex more, as other LL's demonstrate.
I'm still relaxed from Thursday night. I'm working on another lock-up session, which should excite some of you. I'll give details as time allows. Holiday time is busy, and you all don't have time to read as much. The least I can do is make it worth your time!