What Happened?

12/10/2005

Saturday

Tons of you are wondering, "What happened? What is behind the sudden turn-around?"

I have been unfair to Arwyn by depicting her as being rather stupid at times. And ot goes without saying that I have slanted the story to show her as simply cold and uncaring. This is simply the way I have been feeling about it forever. I am, afterall, a condescending prick.

One fact about our earlier talk I failed to mention was the fact that Arwyn said she has been unhappy. Very unhappy. Like many unhappy people, she has had no idea what to do about it. I challenged her to do something or meet me somewhere. And so the meal thing was agreed upon which you all pointed out was a really big step.

The biggest talks, arguments and now passionate moments have taken place in mornings after both kids are on the bus. Our youngest rides the bus 2x a week, and Arwyn drives him the other 3x. Getting the kids out of the house has been significant. It has emboldened me to confront her on more things since we don't have to worry about waking/upsetting/supervising kids. Children are wonderfully educational and there is no better or faster way to mature than to be a parent, but they are absolutely lousy for intimacy. It's reasonable to assume Arwyn feels more secure about being passionate or open, when they are gone.

The cage does things to and for me, certainly, and it does seem as though her knowing I was locked up helped loosen her up and helped her to not feel pressured. Especially once I told her I wasn't getting undressed that morning, she might have taken that as a challenge.

The War for Intimacy is a war of attrition, not of conquest. Gradually, slowly, working and wearing down the walls that seperate us. Many of you want massively decisive confrontations all the time, and I'm not going to do that. I want to give her room to come to me. Or not.

Prior to this the last time we had any sex was over 100 days ago. The last time we had it before that was another 2 months prior. Getting all excited about this is premature. Desperate Husband went over 80 days and now he's over 50. If we add up just our two periods of celibacy over 2 encounters, we have almost a full year's worth! I'm not being ungrateful, I'm being realistic. Until a longterm pattern develops to the contrary, I am always going to steel myself for issues in this area.

One of those issues is going to be her satisfaction. I am open to whatever the hell gets her off. Really and truly. If eating shit gave Arwyn orgasms, I would have brown-stained teeth right now. She can get whatever she wants. Within physical limits. Unfortunately, she gets most aroused by the onset of my orgasm. And then she's only approaching not really able to reach and grasp it. I can only stay hard so long after I've shot off. I do my best. I don't know who remembers the cockring debacle, but that was the idea behind those toys that are virtually unused. The problem is that Arwyn simply will not allow sufficient foreplay. I've tried to explain this and I have books (Intended For Pleasure) detailing this. On the rare occasion that she listened and heeded it, she acually came with me which was great. But enjoyment is absolutely no guarantee that she would want sex more, as other LL's demonstrate.

I'm still relaxed from Thursday night. I'm working on another lock-up session, which should excite some of you. I'll give details as time allows. Holiday time is busy, and you all don't have time to read as much. The least I can do is make it worth your time!

D.

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6 Responses to What Happened?

  1. Cinnamon says:

    Something you may want to try that kind of blurs the line between “forplay” and “at home Spa experience” (which might take the pressure off Arwyn quite a lot) is the Sensual Ceremony described in Dr. Kenneth Ray Stubbs’ book, “The Essential Tantra, A Modern Guide to Sacred Sexuality”.

    Don’t be put off by the title – the book isn’t anything that should be contradictory or offensive to someone of the Chirstian faith. Especially in the context of a loving marriage. It’s basically a guide for really good massage techniques, and ideas on how to pamper your partner. Whether or not sex is involved. It has good illustrations, too, to help explain the different strokes for a full-body massage, especially if neither of you has spent a lot of time having spa treatments.

    Another set of techniques you might want to explore are in The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm by Drs. Vera and Steve Bodansky. Think of it as you giving Arwyn a really, really great handjob. They talk a lot about the female orgasm, and how anger can block it, in their book. It might be something you both could read together to open a dialogue.

    Finally, if Arwyn is very unhappy, something that might help her get out of a bad mindset of anger and resentment is Mama Genas School of Womanly Arts by Regena Thomashauer. Help get her groove back.

  2. Cinnamon says:

    Oh, and PS – Gratz! On resetting your Counter!

  3. DH says:

    This post has been removed by the author.

  4. DH says:

    If I didn’t say it before (and honestly, I can’t remember), congrats on the positive turn of events…even if it’s only temporary.

    Best of luck to you my friend.

  5. JeN says:

    What a way for you to start off the holiday season.
    : )

  6. Square1 says:

    Merry Christmas D!

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