Ckecking the Involuntary Celibacy (INCEL) counter
To be sung to the tune of 99 Bottles of Beer:
99 days without sex in the house,
99 days without sex.
Being Incel is such a thrill,
99 days without sex in the house.
Only in this case, we count up instead of down
There are a number of ways to wage a war. One way is to engage in a series of set piece, decisive battles utilizing overwhelming force to conquer, destroy and subdue the enemy. Then there is the war of attrition used by forces that are much smaller in order to wear down an enemy over time.
In the War for Intimacy most readers are clamoring for a decisive engagement using whatever means necessary in order to change the circumstances. Force a confrontation, and have it out. Get bloody and gory, put everyone out of their misery. Shoot them all and let God sort them out.
In such a war as this, generally men are outnumbered and outgunned emotionally. Physically, we could beat the living shit out of our wives whenever we felt like it. But most of use were taught better than that by our mothers. But we were not taught the finer points of emotional warfare. And many of you female readers intuitively know this, while most male readers will recognize it. Any man attached to a choleric wife who attempts direct confrontation is going to get an emotional beatdown.
You there! Yes, you. The young woman who likes to verbally talk out problems and confront her husband. What happens when you open your mouth? I'll tell you what happens. He tunes out, at some point. He shuts down. When you ask "WHY???" you will probably get something like, "I don't know." He fidgets, eyes down. He will flee to any distraction he can possibly find, maybe the TV. Why? Because his body is telling him that he is under attack. He is physiologically flooded. His heart is racing, his breathing shallow as adrenaline pushes his system. He has no available defense to this threat. God forbid the wife begins displaying even more emotion, such as crying.
Some guys do grow some balls or get a spine, as you put it. They might go ahead and do what comes naturally and just physically beats the crap out of the woman. The other way is to increase the volume or engage in preemptive strikes severe enough that the woman is always on the defensive.
This appears to me to be the dynamic of Confused Husband and Summer Rose. She sounds like she is always on the defensive against what sounds like overwhelming criticism and attacks from him. But look what happens when she levels even modest criticism at him? He seems to virtually whither and curl up with regret and contrition. Here is a guy with some backbone, but it is used preemptively with disasterous effect.
For instructiveness on how women have superior backbones and spines of their own, one only needs to look at how they confront each other or confront their own mothers. Talk about passive agressive war mongering!
At the heart of this method of waging war is the desire of at least one party to preserve the relationship. I'm not saying it is the best and it certainly it is not the most effecient. But men are less apt to have the emotional armament to withstand a direct confrontation with their wives in the same way most wives would lose a physical confrontation. Why do you think there are so many of us in this sort of struggle?
Confused's struggle is a classic one, because he is an avid hunter. I dare you to tell him he is spineless while he is toting his 12 guage! I've killed rabbits (that I raised) with my bare hands. And ate them. Is it about strength and courage? It's about being less equipped to handle the emotional attachment involved in marriage just like women struggle more with physical or mechanical demands. Is Summer Rose spineless because she doesn't know anything about how much oil to put in a car? Is she less of a woman? No. But men are degraded and chided for not being able to do something that comes more naturally to women. That is, relate on a deeper emotional level.
It's interesting to note when I get a comment wondering why in the hell I'm not confronting Arwyn, it's no coincidence that comment comes from a woman 95% of the time. I rarely get those sorts of comments from men because every guy in my situation knows that it is not that clear cut. Fact is, a real man is going have difficulty trying to be something that he is not. Our emotional waters don't cover as much of an expanse as most women, but they tend to run to extreme depths. The only thing that saves us from serious psychopathologies is notoriously short memories for such things. We don't remember past abuse as much as our female counterparts. We have the resilience to move on because we can forget many details. My wife, OTOH, remembers and hangs on to past offenses from years gone by like a dog on to a bone. While all have a Biblical mandate to forgive, I notice women having to struggle more with this. Even if Confused turns it over and around today and flies right from this time forward, Summer will not forget. She shows a penchant for hanging on to her suffering for incredible amounts of time. This is not something that can be changed with one decisive engagement. The real battle is just beginning. Everytime I think we've reached a turning point, we go backwards again, subject to Arwyn's emotional status.
So the battle plan must be able to accomodate the reality of the situation. You armchair generals aren't here on the ground. I've had to slog it out for years, to be sure. I do think increasing the aggressiveness may shake something loose. What, I can not say. But, for the first time, I am facing the possibility that I may not be able to win this one. Counselling is NOT off the table. That's all I'll say about that for now.