Some new links

December 2, 2005

I’ve needed to update my blogroll forever, and there is still work to be done on the thing.

I need to say upfront that I have a bias towards male bloggers and bloggers with relationships tanking. Sick as that is, that’s just my thing. There are scores of female bloggers that I love to visit, but it is the guys who I am mainly collecting, although one female blogger did make the cut.

So I’ll start with her. Cassee’s blog is one that I’ve followed for a short while. It moves a bit slow as she updates in fits and starts. A few comments might spur her on. Just the title says a lot. Can’t get much more graphic than Trainwreck! She actually might represent the other side of my (and the other guys’) situation and give a different perspective on things.

Walter Mitty is one I have been following for several months. Very well written, cute pictures and a good story line. Read about his struggles, and get yet another take on being married to a loon. They are in marriage counseling, BTW, so you can read about that. True, I have yet to apply that option. Show me a blog where it pulled a marriage off the brink, and we’ll talk.

Our good friend Not So Normal makes the list, now that he is updating a bit more. I wanted him in earlier but it looked like it was all over but the crying once he left home. But there may yet be some life in his marriage. I’m rooting for him and Peanut. He does have a kinky side which could be explored more, but probably not the swinging. I’m not sure if I consider swinging very kinky. Certainly off the beaten path but it would be more kinky if it were Peanut that was more into it. Guys willing to swing are a dime a dozen, but that’s just my opinion.

Artful Dodger has a new blog just starting out. He might fill a niche that has been left vacant since some of the guys who used to write sex stories and have extracurricular experiences left blogging. I’m anxious to read about his story.

Geoffrey Homes is another fellow who is going through some similar times as me. I’ve been following him for awhile, too, and you’ll find some interesting writing there, for those that don’t already read him. I think he whines a bit much after not having sex for 5 days, but that’s just me, again.

Let’s check the ‘ole involuntary celibacy counter:

97 Days

Thanks to Cinnimon for the inspiration for that one. I’m shamelessly stealing, especially since my number is higher than hers.

I know there are many of you who have or have had higher numbers. But if the last time you had sex wasn’t blogged, it doesn’t count. At least in this little pissing contest.

I need to think of something extra special for the big 1-0-0. Any ideas?


Moving Right Along…

December 2, 2005



I wish I could put in some kind of HTML code, dispensing oral sex for every visiter to my blog, so at least they could leave feeling relaxed and satisfied. And distracted. Except for Dewdrop, who would get chocolate with every visit.

Then put on a hit counter and watch the numbers fly as my visitors come and come and again.

Ain’t nuthin’ but a thang.

I was getting ready to leave for work this morning when Arwyn asked…

“So, what was in that package that came the other day?”

I was tempted to show it to her, but decided to hold off for just a moment. I told her it was a prostate massager.

“Is that bothering you again?”

“No, but I figured I’d get something preventative since it’s not the sort of thing I see you doing for me. Go look up ‘prostate massage’ on the internet.”

“I don’t have time to do that!”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that since she had time to play spider solitaire until midnight.

I think I’ll leave that there. There’s more to this, but I think I’ll refrain from further disclosure.

The purpose of the Aneros is to enable me to get back into the chastity groove. When that happens, we can have all sorts of adventures and discussions about the what and why of it. My gift to you for the holidays. My gift to mankind. A kinder, gentler Digger.

I have given the Aneros a fair go a number of times, and it does add something to an orgasm. But that is not why I bought it. I want to keep things healthy while I’m being kinky. Thanks to those of you providing links to interesting blogs on the subject.

I don’t suppose anyone else has links to other chastity blogs?


Battle of True Grits

December 2, 2005



In the War for Intimacy, not every action is a full-scale battle. Sometimes there are little insurgent actions. Sometimes these spark bigger things and sometimes they don’t.

This morning, it did.

As Arwyn was taking her shower, I considered my choices:

a.)Try to join her.

b.)Go in an shave while ogling her naked body. I’d rather see her naked than some honey on the internet or in a magazine.

c.) Get myself off. That’s the route of least resistance.

d.)Try something else. Something taking more effort and thought.

I chose ‘d.’ Since it was a cold morning, I decided on making grits for breakfast. I don’t like them all that much, but Arwyn does. So, I made them while she finished her shower and got the boys ready for the bus. She came in and thanked me with a kiss.

I took my shower while she put the boys on the bus. I dressed and Arwyn came in. She sat on the bed and we made some small talk. And then I don’t know what came over me, but I pounced.

We kissed and generally sort of made out, far exceeding my normal 2 minute wish. This is good. She was on her back and I was crouching on all fours over her, kissing and hugging. She complained that it was starting to hurt her back. At some point in this early hugging/kissing fest I whispered in her ear, “I love you.”

No response. So I initiated more hugging and kissing. Then I gave her a small backrub. She asked if I wanted to go to the kitchen to eat breakfast together, since we don’t do that very often. I told her we do this a whole lot less often.

This little make-out session turned into a bit of a comedic struggle with me trying to touch her more intimately and her pushing my hands away. God forbid I touch her breasts or get a hand between her legs.

Maybe you should have enjoyed what you were getting instead of being such a greedy bastard! That’s the trouble with you HL shits, is that it is never enough for you people!

On one hand, this is true. On the other, I have been starving for a very long time. How much control is expected from a starving person? It seems like running a soup kitchen for the homeless with a sign in front requiring a jacket and a tie. Okay, I got fired up and inflamed with passion. Yes, she got real uncomfortable in a real hurry with my more intimate touches. She did tolerate some touching and squeezing around her breasts but this was not a prolonged thing. It was not going to be, because I had to go to work.

There was a moment when she looked like she was thinking about taking off her pants. Don’t ask me how I know, as it has been so long, but I just had that feeling. I got up off the bed, and said I had to get going. Then went towards the kitchen locked into a spooning embrace. I kissed her neck, and said in her ear again, “I love you.”

Love’s greatest desire is finding a love that will answer.

For the second time in fifteen minutes, there was no answer. I don’t say it with the idea of getting one, but I do notice when there is no answer. In fact, I have not gotten an answer for a very long time. That bothers me.

I am thankful and okay with the intimacy that we did have and shared for those 30 minutes. They were precious to me. It was okay that there was not any real sex involved. In fact, maybe I preferred it that way. It occurs to me that Arwyn might have been using sex in the past to avoid other sorts of intimacies, such as fondling, touching, stroking and deep kissing. In the early days, a good shagging kept me pretty happy and off her back about other sexual practices. And about other intimacies.

Today is my 96th sexless day. I have made some choices that have contributed to this condition. But it is still an involuntary condition. I have done and tried a myriad of interventions to try to turn this situation around. From what I can see, Arwyn has done little or nothing except impede, avoid and dodge my attempts at making this marriage better.

So then I find a new penpal friend and a few of you get a little bent out of shape. Have I truly emotionally checked out of my marriage? Does it look to you like I have stopped trying and have given up?? I’m wondering how many people claiming that I have checked out would have survived 10 years of this. I also wonder how many inflicted this sort of treatment on a partner that eventually did emotionally check out.

The Not So NormalPretty Peanut story comes to mind as a case in point. Normal did check out, after Peanut seemingly abandoned him. I did upbraid Normal for the way he went about pulling out, but neither of these people are victims. Normal has not put in the time or effort to fix things, either. I have. How much is enough? I do not know. But I am sticking with it.

Cleopatra represents another person in my support network. Exciting, new, attractive and all of that, in addition to being very smart.

Have you told Arwyn about her?

What are you, nuts?! No, I have not told Arwyn about Cleo. Sure, it would probably bother her. However I’m also convinced that she really would rather not know. This is related to a question Cleo asked me in email which I’m still trying to find a real answer.

“Do you think she is simply hoping that you WILL cheat so that she can get out of the marriage without having to deal with the guilt?”

It is a possibility. I could be. I have posted the question to Arwyn but haven’t gotten an answer beyond what transpired this morning. I’m not sure how to interpret an answer like that. It is the sort of thing I’ll bring up in a more face-to-face manner if/when the opportunity comes around. This is not the sort of thing I would bring up over dinner with the kids, at church or if I have even the faintest hope for having sex that night. An honest answer to that question precedes any other types of disclosure, in my opinion.

Things are moving. Things are happening. But I am not sure of where they are going or what they mean.