Tuesday, November 29, 2005
I’ve been keeping a little secret from all of you readers. All readers, except for one. And she knows who she is.
I don’t know if it has been a month ago or not, but some time ago I got an email from a regular reader who was not a regular commenter. I’m not sure how she found me (I’ll have to ask) but she was intrigued by me and my writing. I became intrigued by her and her writing.
I’m lousy at keeping up with people through email. I let things lapse for days, weeks and months sometimes, especially social contacts. For work you can’t afford to let those go, but you’re not writing anything very long, hopefully. It’s a lot more simple communicating facts and directives than thoughts and feelings. That’s probably why we see fewer male bloggers than female ones, and male bloggers generally turn over faster and update much less. I write for the blog simply because I have the heart of an entertainer, although not the face of one. I enjoy my audience and hope they enjoy me. It’s the audience that helps motivate me to write, although I would write anyway, but just not as faithfully. Writing for an audience of one is just less appealing for me.
At least until she showed up. I’m going to call her Cleopatra, since it does reflect a certain regal bearing that she has in her writing and even in her voice. I might shorten it to Cleo eventually because I like short names.
I’m getting to that, relax.
We swap emails on a near-daily basis. We discuss almost everything and anything.
Well, yeah, just about. Remember, she is a regular reader of this blog so she is privy to the same deep, dark secrets as everyone else who reads. But she never comments. At least out where you all can see. But I get feedback from her on these topics and then we have our own line of conversations. Sometimes those thoughts end up on here, and sometimes they don’t.
Waitaminit, was she the one…?
Yes, she’s the one who asked the infamous question about oral sex that took Blogland by storm a while back. So, in a way, she has posted before. She freaked a bit when I quoted her, but when she saw the avalanche of responses it triggered, she liked her secret celebrity status. Cleopatra likes to be adored although she is almost as camera shy as I am. She knows that I’m rolling her out before you all, for an initial public viewing, such that it is.
So this is a bit of a milestone. I’ve been blogging over a year (sorry to Cleopatra and the other readers who never saw my old blog) and this is the first time anyone has ever been able to sustain that sort of interest. A few have tried to get ahold of me by email and engage me but none ever hit it right. She did.
But there is another milestone reached with Cleopatra. I’ve been on the internet over 10 years, active in Usenet, message boards, bulletin boards, Fidonet, web pages, chatrooms and all mediums of discussion and debate one can do via electronic text. But I have never talked to anyone I met in one of these forums over the phone. I got married too early to hit the online dating boom.
You talked to her on the phone? Did you have phone sex?
Easy. I’m getting there. It was during my overnight trip out of town last week that I did call her up. Yes, I was naked while we talked. Yes, she was naked while we talked. But no, we did not have phone sex. Neither of us knew the other was naked until long after the phone call! In fact the phone call had more religious/theological/Christian overtones than anything else. We talked for 2 hours until my phone card expired. And now we’re just doing the email thing for now. No, I do not have a cell phone. Glad I don’t, now. I would be incurring serious overcharges!
Are you attracted to this woman or what? Are you thinking about cheating? What ARE you thinking?
There is no way, under the conditions that I presently live in, that I could NOT think about life with someone else, in other circumstances in another place at another time. Cheating is a different thing. Cleopatra has been very generous with her overtures without being tacky, forward or even annoying. But she has been respectful beyond anything else. She does have a life of her own beyond what we have through email. I am very fond of her as she has been nothing but supportive and patient. You all have been supportive and patient too, but I like having a slightly more personal and private place to go with things. Cleopatra provides just that sort of place. While I don’t see her posting here, she might still be a good source of entertainment for you all. And me. She has agreed that she might like to be a virtual keyholder. “Virtual” being she doesn’t necessarily have personal possession of the keys but has control of them, nonetheless.
Don’t get *too* excited. We’ve been down this road before…Haven’t we JeN??LOL!
I’m thinking I’ll wait for the 100 days to pass before embarking on new chastity adventures. Since I’ve gone this long, it would be a pity to simply give up when I’m so close to reaching another milestone in my life of semi-celibacy. While the prospect of getting to 100 days has been enticing, I have not stopped trying to put an end to the streak.
Last night, I actually went to bed earlier. Not at 8:15 when Arwyn turned in, but 10:30 is quite early for me. She was still awake or maybe woke up when I brushed my teeth but she just stirred. I extended my hand and put it on her hip. It might have drifted down to her butt for a time and she tolerated this for a time. Somehow, later in the night I ended up embracing her feet.
A note about sleeping positions (again). With her head at the opposite end of the bed and facing away from me, I can have decent access to the lower part of her body. With her on her side, facing away and curled up, if I turn toward her, the soles of her feet are right there. Since she wasn’t wearing socks, and her feet weren’t covered up, it was just a matter of hugging them right up to my bare chest to keep them warm. In the grogginess of sleep, it seemed the most natural thing in the world. She tolerated this very well most of the night, and it represents about the most intimate thing we’ve done in 3 months. Longer than that, sleeping wise. I would love to fall asleep draped over her, or intertwined or her spooning me or even her laying on top of me for a time. I long to touch and be touched. For us to cleave to one another.
She awoke at about 4:30 and she went out to get on the computer. But she was unable to do anything because it was automatically doing a virus scan and update. I got up soon after and we talked for the next hour. About the kids. It’s always about them. She finally went to take her shower. I started some breakfast, and then got in the bathroom just after she finished. I started to hug up on her a bit, and she simply continued to get dressed. I managed to steal a quick kiss. Once again, my touches and hugs were tolerated. Not anticipated and not enjoyed. Certainly not reciprocated or returned. I gave her a big from-behind hug and she stood still there, waiting for me to be finished. And then went on about her day getting the boys ready for school.
So it is against this backdrop that Cleopatra appears. I can discuss things with her beyond the kids, beyond autism and disabilities and the daily grind and she’s not afraid to converse about sex. She likes sex. She has some experience with chastity and Domming. And she doesn’t seem to be repelled by me. She doesn’t merely “tolerate” me like one tolerates oppressive heat, or mosqitoes or cold, rainy weather. Of course her involvement with my daily life is limited to emails, so who knows what real life would actually be like. We just have a number of things in common.
For fans of Return to Happiness, Chris has a character called Paris LaQuinta. I see Cleopatra serving a similar literary niche here. And then some. The telephone call put Cleo in an elevated category that I thought warranted at least some mention here. The keyholder bit gives her an even larger role. In the grind of the struggle that I’m engaged in, it is good to have something to look forward to. I’m sure more coverage will follow. Feel free to discuss.