Battle of the Darkness

11/15/2005

Tuesday

Several of you have asked “Why? Why is she being like this?” There are several reasons, not all of which I can go into at the moment. But we do have a history of upheavals that go back 10 years. In the early days of our marriage, there was the porn that I indulged in as well as issues with her pregnancy. I did have a bit of a time with negotiating around her shape when she was further along. It wasn’t so much that she was unattractive as much as she was so round, plump and…ripe looking, I had problems thinking I might break something. And with her limited repertoire of positions/activities, I had a hard time getting my body as well as my mind around her. This did bother her, as my desire did dip down. But while I was less intense about having sex with her, I never cut her off. I never turned her down.

During the second pregnancy, she was on almost total bed rest from the moment of conception, and there was a LOT of friction around that. Not sexual, because I knew she wasn’t up to it and since there was no oral and she hadn’t discovered the technique of the hand job, there was nothing for the entire 9 months. While I endured that okay, there was her nasty, demanding mood all the time. She still holds a lot of resentment about my own attitude during that time. Then there is all the tension surrounding having kids with developmental delays. Something like 80% of all marriages involving kids with disabilities fail. And then the financial stress, which I’ll get to in a moment.

Last night, I began planning the next move. Since both boys ride the bus on Tuesdays & Thursdays I figured I could try something after they got on the bus when there is about a 30 minute window before I have to leave for work. Or jump in the shower with her. The strategy is to be loving about it, but to engage her more aggressively in hopes of somehow breaking the stalemate we are in. She could continue to push me away, and I would abide by her wishes, but eventually wear her down with persistence. And Tuesday morning would be the first test of that.

I was writing some things, and eventually got to bed around midnight where she had already been in bed for several hours. But she hadn’t been sleeping. The thought went through my mind that I might try something right then but I decided to wait until morning. As it turns out, Arwyn made an unexpected move that brought up an opportunity I never could have foreseen.

I had been asleep only a short time when…

Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the name of the Lord!….

What in the Wide World of Sports?!? Arwyn was in her inverted position wrapped in her blanket/rug and had the radio blaring. I was disoriented and confused, thinking maybe her alarm had gone off. But she made no effort to turn it off. My eyes were heavy, and I had no idea what time it was, being practically blind without my glasses.

Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the name of the Lord!…

What would you do?

I mulled it over and decided to go for the win-win. I started massaging her calves and she dutifully swatted my hands. I was also attempting a very anemic version of the Penis Poke, but it was totally ineffective having to go through 6 layers of fabric, blankets, covers and sheets. I paused thinking, okay, but….

Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the name of the Lord!…

I then inverted myself, oriented toward the foot of the bed and spooned her. I wrapped my arms around her. In her mind, I’m sure I was constricting my reptilian appendages around her in hopes of suffocating her in order to have her for breakfast. Not far from my mind, actually…

Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the name of the Lord!…

“I couldn’t sleep.”

So you’re playing the radio?!?

“Yes. And I couldn’t find the headphones.”

I knew exactly where a set of headphones was, and so did she, so she added, “My headphones.”

I continued spooning and upped the ante by nuzzling. Yes, that’s right. I had the audacity to stick my lizard-like snout into the back of her head, considering a strike to the back of the neck with my fangs in order to inject my neurotoxins into her flesh. Or so it must have been in her mind.

Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the name! Bless-ed be the…

She got up and turned off the radio, marching off to the living room in a huff. I put on my glasses to check the time. 2:27 a.m. She returned a short time later, and I eventually fell back to asleep.

I awoke again when she got in the shower. I thought about joining her, but decided I had campaigned enough for one morning. She came out, sat beside me on the bed, gave me a kiss and apologized for the fiasco in the night/morning. She said she has a sinus headache all day. Plus she got the Visa bill and they had doubled the interest rate.

Visa is on a 28 day billing cycle. I am on a monthly pay cycle. I sent payment the day I got paid which was the 31st, but Visa wanted theirs on the 28th. Since there have been other late payments due to this billing cycle crap they jacked the interest rate to 26%. These are the loan sharks everyone will be doing business with during the holiday season. Hopefully Arwyn will call them, but I’m already thinking of other options. That card has been cut up for months.

In addition, she’s feeling other pressures from other areas such as her car having problems and the constant financial strain. She just can’t handle money. At all. She has her little job but she just can’t seem to hack the management of what little money she has. She wants to get another job, but the additional income will only result in ballooning expenses. She does it every time, where she gets more money so she spends more. Her making more is not a solution.

In anycase, she gave me a nice hug and a kiss and was off to start the day.

Counseling is still on the table as an option, but in addition to babysitting issues and financial issues I’m also putting in extra hours to bring in more money, so there is the time issue. I don’t look for a lot of resolution in the short term, but I’m going to keep up the campaign.

Thank you all for your kind words of support. I’m not totally innocent in this by a long shot, but I appear to be the only one working on it at the moment.

D.

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10 Responses to Battle of the Darkness

  1. BroccoliEater says:

    Visa pulled that crap on me. For years, our payment was always due on the 5th. Then they switched to that 28-day crap without warning (okay, they probably sent a tiny piece of toilet paper with it written in 8-point type, but I didn’t see it). And the date started shifting back each month and my brain didn’t realize it and we had several late payments…

    I called, told them I thought this was BS — and they offered me a standard payment date again. So my bill is back to being always due on the same day. AND the guy knocked my interest rate back down to just about the lowest it can be.

    Call and ask for the standard date, anyway. They should be able to do that for you.

  2. I just finished reading your second post. One of the hardest issues that we’ve had to deal with is the money, him a little bit of a spender during the holidays me not so much. As for the hugging and kissing that is a hard part for him not so much for me. When it comes to hunting or him going to the snow I’ve learned to live. By the way I’ve put a new post up today. 🙂

  3. M2C says:

    Okay my husband warned me about most of the blogs that are posted on here yours is an exception to my rule you will not find any thing sexy there. Only a lot hurt and anger of how every thing led up to what he already posted and since he his out shopping I couldn’t figure out how to find your blog so back and forth I went from his to mine. Any ways about the hair cut thing, he was always into long hair I use to have it before and after we married. Until we had our second it went off stylish boys cut he hated it I loved it even though he hated it even after it grew out I cut it right before I started school and kept it above my shoulders I like he dislikes it. As for the long nail thing I had to cut my nails for massages. And having kids it doesn’t help.

  4. Dewdrop says:

    Our history makes us, to a certain extent, the people we are today I think. Looking into the past to search for a resolution is probably helpful in order to try and pinpoint what is the cause of your present situation with Arwyn. But doing something about it now is obviously going to be the hardest thing, as Arwyn seems to be so little interested in getting involved.

    lol – broccolieater, a tiny piece of toilet paper with 8 point type heheh.

    Digger, you should definitely try and take broccolieater’s advice – about ringing up the loan ‘shark’ and getting them to put the rate back down. What have you got to lose, apart from perhaps 5/10 minutes and the cost of the ‘phone call?

  5. C-Marie says:

    Yes… money can certainly stew alot of negative crap between couples, which i don’t understand completely if both are doing their best and their part. I’ve learned only that in this relationship.

    But I feel, if you’re willing to turn all the wrongs into rights and work hard to keep the relationship moving forward in a loving and positive way… wouldn’t that be like new found love again? Couldn’t even a tiny spark be found within her? maybe she does find it and fights it. She needs to forgive and work with you.

  6. Square1 says:

    I was shocked she apologized! Wow! Good luck in your campaign, Digger. You are a living testament to the hope that drives the human spirit. Of course you have your flaws. We all do. But I think your determination and your love for your wife are what keep so many of us coming back to champion your cause, offer our support, and share your frustration. I hope and pray she realizes how good she really has it before that hope finally gives out Digger. You deserve to find happiness… and to some degree I believe Arwyn does too.

  7. aphron says:

    Apology, huh? Maybe you’re making headway? Keep at it. I know it is a daunting task.

    Credit cards are the spawn of Satan. Sooo easy to get instant gratification; sooo expensive to pay off.

  8. FTN says:

    Great, now I’ve got that song stuck in my head.

    I realize your campaign to initiate sexual contact is trying to “wear her down”… but what happens when you sit her down and ask her specific, straightforward questions about your problems? “Why are we having these problems with sexual intimacy? Why won’t you have sex with me? What have I done to make you mad? What can I do differently? Can we get counseling together?” Don’t take “I don’t know” for an answer. Perhaps you could wear her down with the communication until she’ll talk about it openly.

  9. Danica says:

    Money can be stressful.
    I will cheer you on as you campaign to change things. You are to be commended. I gave up my campaign as you can read in my post. You are much stronger than me.

  10. quote FTN *” Don’t take “I don’t know” for an answer.”*
    Not taking I don’t know for an answer ahs gotten me into a lot of trouble. I’m finding that sometimes I don’t know is the only answer a woman has at the time.
    CH

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