Yesterday, I tried several things that I listed below. Arwyn likes Mountian Dew, so I bought some for her while out getting a haircut. I just put it in the fridge, not making a huge deal out of it. Then, that afternoon, the entire family went to Stone Mountain, where we have season passes. Stone Mountain is a large granite rock over 1500 feet high with the largest relief carving in the world on one face of it. The park has several attractions around it, including a 19th century village/tourist trap called Crossroads, a lake with a real old time paddle boat called The Scarlet Ohara, a Sky Lift going to the top of the mountain and a train that runs around the mountain. After dark, they have a laser show, which includes fireworks in the summer. Yesterday marked the opening day of their old fashioned Christams celebration. This was the setting for the the latest battle in my little private war. And what a battle it was. This may go down in my personal history as my own private Gettysburg. I'll leave it to you as to which side.
In preparation, we made and packed sandwiches. The opening shots were fired before we even left the house. The boys were excited about eating peanut butter and jelly sanwiches for a picnic at the park. Arwyn groused about this as we were out of grape jelly. She revealed that she hated strawberry jelly. I had no idea. I suggested honey instead of jelly, which got me a look as if I were crazy. She made a turkey sandwich, while I made my peanut butter and honey sandwiches. I'm thinking that she wanted me to suggest us buying something there, but we are fighting a war on debt and I was doing no such thing. So she was slightly pissy about that. I was just sad.
The drive over was fairly uneventful, as we talked about the boys and the teachers they may or may not have for school next year. The earlier tension dissapated and soon we arrived at a park that was more crowded than anticipated. The weather was gorgeous, so we shouldn't have been too surprised.
The first planned event was the boat ride. Since the truck-towed tram wasn't running, we decided to walk. It wasn't terribly far and I fancied taking a shortcul off the sidewalk, over a granite shelf extending down towards the lake. Arwyn nixed the idea totally, although both boys were keen to do so. So we ended up taking the boring sidewalk around and down the road. This was the woman who claimed to love backpacking and hiking and adventure.
We arrived just in time to see the Scarlet Ohara embarking on her 30 minute cruise. So we spent or time on the dock, feeding ducks, geese and fish. It was funny watching the fish snatch the food just as the geese were lunging for it. The birds still got most of it.
When the boat came back and folks disembarked, we loaded up climbing to the upper level with several other families, kids and couples. We all sat on one large bench, although the boys didn't spend a lot of time sitting down. I straddled the bench, facing Arwyn as she sat, watching the boys. Then she got up to take pictures, leaving me straddling the bench which a young mother and her daughter took over. I sat there for most of the cruise as Arwyn took a few pictures and walked around the deck with the boys. I was just fine where I was, with a different woman sitting in the spot where Arwyn formerly was watching the scenery, both on and off the boat. I finally stood up and stretched my back. Arwyn chose that moment to return to the bench, practically knocking the young woman and her daughter out of the way in the process. I felt kind of bad for her as she got up, took her daughter and moved to the front of the boat.
As Scarlet Ohara docked. we filed back down the stairs. We walked back to the main part of the park. This time, I took Thomas off the sidewalk and told Arwyn I'd meet her at the skylift. Elmo wanted to go, too. He ran after Thomas and I but stopped once he realized his mother wasn't following and promptly threw a fit. Arwyn reluctantly went with, as she looked over and saw a couple in their late 50's pass us. She looks so young, but acts so old. Thus, the boat ride was not filled with a lot of drama, but no romance either.
There was a sizable line waiting for the skylift, but we were able to get in on the next car. They pack these things pretty tight. so we were right in there. I looked over and I'm standing right next to the very same woman and daughter who occupied the bench on the boat. That was wierd.
She smiled at me and snuck a hand down, planting it right on top of a growing erection and….
No, that's not right. While we were in each others space, we all behaved. But my mind was wandering. There was a couple in front of us that did begin making out a bit. That was pretty hot. Reminded me of kissing a different woman at a different time while riding to the top of the St. Louis Arch.
While on top of the mountain, we could see the lake and on the other side we could see the Atlanta skyline. I sat down beside the boys while Arwyn took more pictures. Thomas and I walked all around the top while Arwyn and Elmo disappeared until it was time to go down. I was okay, but feeling badly about the whole relationship business. It was all over me like a black cloud.
On the way back down on the skylift, I got tired of feeling hopeless and put my hand on Arwyn's waist. She seemed okay with this, and did give what I guessed was a return touch once we got to the bottom and winding through the gift shop. Brief as it was, my poor mind wrapped all around that one touch. We headed back to the car to get our lunch. We parked by a large rock jutting up and had our picnic on top of that. The sun was setting and the shadows were getting long and there was a chill in the air. It was getting much cooler.
We wandered around the streets of Crossroads and Thomas gave a rousing rendition of "We wish you a Merry Christmas" at the karioke place. We also visited a tent where they had various activities for the kids, including cookie decoratong, coloring and making ornaments. The boys bypassed all of that in order to spend the balance of their time at the train table. Nothing resembling romance, here.
The boys were having a grand time and were doing very well. Arwyn and I were doing okay and were having fun watching them. But the family connection between the two of us was missing. I endeavored to correct this during the final two or three scenes of our day.
Next, it was time to ride the train. The train closes at 8 p.m. during the summer but runs up until 10 during the Christmas celibration. After Thnaksgiving, they'll run two trains. Last night it has just pulled in, so there was little waiting. Waiting for kids is always tough, especially those with developmental delays. While Thomas absolutely loves trains, he doesn't like the loudness of the horn, so we rode in the last car.
The cars had Christmas lights on them, to fit the occasion. The entire park was lit with thousands of Christmas lights, with several displays set up around the train route. The cars are completely open, with a roof, so the chilly air was really hitting us. Anyone thinking of doing this should dress warmly because the windchill drops the temperature proportionally. During this time, while Thomas sat by the "window", Elmo sat on Arwyn's lap and I sat on the aisle. I eventually put my arm around Arwyn and snuggled without appearing to snuggle so much. She gave no objections to this at all, although there was no return snuggling. But it was the most enjoyable and family-like activity of the day/evening. It was the high water mark of the evening. Or of the entire weekend. I was definitely feeling warmer towards Arwyn after the train ride and thought maybe this was a mutual thing.
Next, we headed up the hill for the laser show, holding hands. There is a giant, sloping lawn area in front of the carving. Lasers are used to project animations and large speakers play music to go with the show. This is a good date night activity for those in the area. Blankets and chairs strewn up and down the hillside. The winter show is much shorter than the one they play in the summer. Thankfully.
We didn't bring any blankets so sat right on the lawn, which is amazingly soft and lush for the sort of traffic it endures. I straddled up behind Arwyn as she held Elmo, with my arms around her loosely. She didn't lean back against me, though. I leaned forward into her to nuzzle my nose into her hair as I love the smell and feel of her fine hair against my face. She doubled over forward pushing Elmo down the hill in the process, "Don't do that!"
"I just don't like it when you stick your nose in my hair!"
The Eeww factor raised to a new level. And the proverbial straw.
Let's go down the list, shall we?
-No anal play whatsoever
-no oral; giving or receiving
– no deep kissing or kissing with the tongue or any part of the tongue or opening of mouths. ever
-No kissing on the neck or around the ears
-no touching the breasts…anywhare except maybe the sides and this rarely.
-no touching between the legs
-no touching the stomach.
-no sucking anywhare
– no licking anywhere
– no touching with feet
– no resting my leg on her
– no resting my arm across her body
– no nose rubbing or smelling anywhere
– Oh, and she doesn't like strawberry jelly. Actually, this is one I wish she'd spread to the children, since grape jelly costs half as much.
I feel like I'm missing some items.
Oh, yeah. No penis poking unless she has given permission and then it's going straight in, do its thing and then right out. You can see why a handjob is such a major event in the Jones household. I don't sense a lot of love in it, though.
After the aborted nuzzling, Thomas thankfully needed to use the bathroom and I was just fine taking him. There were no further attempts at intimacy on the night. The addition of the "No Nuzzling" prohibition bummed me out royally. Feeling strung out sexually, neglected as a person and finally totally undesirable as a husband as thrown me. It has depressed and angered me. I am blessed with a short memory of such things, which explains why I've been able to hang as long as I have. I can get over it, forget about it and move on. Arwyn has no such defense. 10 years ago, she took a baked potato to work everyday. She got tired of baked potatoes and refuses to bother with them to this day. I'm sure her memory is selective, but wherever she lives mentally, she seems stuck there.
But this. It seems like such a small thing. Nuzzling my nose in my lover's hair, and deeply breathing in her scent. I could probably live without it, if it weren't for all the other limitations.
My one time in an Atlanta strip club, that actually was the greatest rush. The girl would dance and gyrate her naked, nubile body all around me and then toss her hair about my head and face. I liked the naked nubile body, but it was that hair toss that was the most intimate part of the whole deal. They liked taking my glasses and rubbing it in their pussy or even hugging my face into their chest between ample cleavage. But it was the smell and feel of their long hair that I liked the best.
Arwyn had long hair all the while we dated. But once we married, she cut it. So common a practice amongst women, it has a name called "The Wife Cut." Women frequently let their hair and nails grow for the wedding, because they want to look pretty for the guests and the pictures. But once the wedding is over, then comes The Wife Cut. Arwyn cut her nails off on our wedding night. The hair lasted almost a year before she finalized The Wife Cut.
But I digress. There have been more numerous examples of Arwyn getting more blatant in her withdrawal away from me. In church this morning, I stretched out my arm to encircle her shoulders and she nestles into the far corner of the pew. I'm sure there is some issue of physical comfort here, such as an aversion to being constricted by my reptilian arm tentacles.
Counseling has not been off the table so much as complicated by logistics. But that may be the one area where I let her take the initiative, if she has the will. No sense in wasting money and time if she's not interested in working. I am entertaining the thought of going for a session or two on my own, just to bounce the thoughts off a professional. He/she would probably be limited as to what they could do without the both of us, but at least I could be certified as being sane. Or medicated into sanity.
Thanks for hanging with me.