Silly Meme

11/9/2005

Wednesday

Wow. Where has the week gone? Today is hump day. No humping round here, tho.

Aroused Girl memed/tagged/flagged me. It’s really not my practice to do these things, but I’ll make a partial exception this once. It seemed harmless enough:

Dearest Digger, I've been forced to tag you…

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Search the archives for the 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence, or closest to.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.
5. Tag 5 people to do the same.

So going back to July 12th and Survival Mode:

“I, of course, was feeling SO frustrated. I asked her how she could do it.”

Everything I write has some sort of meaning/subtext/hidden agenda. But if I reveal my hidden agenda, it wouldn’t be hidden anymore, would it?

Going back 4 months, we find Digger going through a dry spell. Again. And feeling frustrated. Again. And feeling lonely. Again. And wondering how she can go days, weeks and months without intimacy. Again. And whining about it to his Invisible Internet Friends. Again…

What the hell? I just plucked a hair off my ear lobe. And another one! What’s up with that?

…Back to the topic. Actually that’s about it for this one. You can go back and read that entry and see where I was noodling at the time. Not much has changed, has it? Good thing I have an active imagination and a promiscuous chapter or two in my life to draw material from. Otherwise, I’d still be working towards the 23rd post. The last time I had sex prior to July 12th was a mere 3 weeks earlier, in June. The next time I would have sex after that post would be a handjob on August 6th. The next time for intercourse would be August 27th. August would be the most sexually active month of the year since March. And it has also been the last sex of the year for me, so far. That would be about 75 days ago.

Last year, Arwyn and I had 21 sexual encounters the whole, entire year. So far this year, the number stands at 17, with 12 of those occuring between Jan. 1 and March 30th. For those interested, 2003’s total was 47. The trend is not a good one.

I guess more came out of that exercise than I bargained for. Looking at my 3 year calender it gradually becomes more and more blank.

So where am I relative to those who have recovered from this? Anyone out there who have reformed from this sort of deficit? Or a worse one? I’d like to hear from someone who went 100 days, 200 days or even a year without any sex at all, and then had it bounce back to the perky, crazy, lustful passion that you presently enjoy. I’m just looking for some benchmark as to when the gulf becomes too wide to cross.

D.

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10 Responses to Silly Meme

  1. Anonymous says:

    ya know – I’m not sure if I’m more disturbed that you are so unsatisfied in your relationship or that you know for the past three years exactly when you had intimacy and what form it took. Just a thought but don’t you think maybe by focusing SO much on it, it might actually make things worse emotionally and mentally?

  2. Aroused Girl says:

    Yes, a silly meme…but how could I refuse Rupert????

    I have some things to say to the previous comment but I think for once I should shut my mouth…er…fingers.

  3. BroccoliEater says:

    We’ve had dry spells, and we’ve actually taken turns being the LL person. I guess if you count my 1st pregnancy, we probably did go at least 100 days without, if not more. And then we were quite infrequent afterwards.

    In our case, my LL was mostly hormonal, his was depression-related. And there was one spot when we just were communicating very badly, and I learned he was taking many of his issues that shoudl have been discussed inside the marriage and discussing them outside our marriage. This was incredibly destructive and hurtful and wound up hurting much more than he thought it would help. Which is what I’ve seen too many bloggers doing, and it seems to keep coming out badly.

    What we did – we opened up and talked to each other, openly and honestly. We both said we were committed to this and making it work, and committed to keep talking to each other about what we needed and figuring out how to get it.He accepted that there were things that needed to stay within the marriage. I accepted that there are things that he’s not going to do in the bedroom. This was before my 2nd pregnancy, so we’re looking at about 2 years at least of miscommunication and learning to reopen those channels between us.

    We’re not wild and crazy (hard to be, working our schedules with two kids), but we’re pretty steady and we both enjoy it LOTS every time. Those who are looking for cayenne pepper would call us plain vanilla, but you know – vanilla is still the most popular ice cream flavor for a reason. It goes with everything and is pretty darn satisfying.

  4. Anonymous says:

    i’m still new to the whole blogger scene, but i’ve been following a few for a few weeks now, just trying to get into the flow of it i guess. i’ve been tempted from time to time to leave a comment, but your last post really hit home. in more ways than one.
    my wife and i have been married almost 16 years now and sex for us has been on the decline for 13 of those years, most recently resulting in three years since we last shared actual intercourse. It has been over a year since i received a hand job for my last birthday, two weeks after my birthday.
    so, is this encouragement or further proof of despair? not sure. i wish i had a happy ending for you, something words of wisdom, of good cheer, but i don’t. the same problems aroused girl is having with workingboy, i’m having with my spouse. only worse. i’ve tried believe me, this is NOT my choice. we’ve discussed the topic time and again openly and honestly. we’ve made time for each other only to not have it happen. I made a conscious decision four years ago that the honesty, pleading, begging, asking, flowers, candy, weekends alone… you name it, were becoming demeaning and embarassing. So i stopped. Cold. It hasn’t been missed. The good news is that I started my own business four years ago and now i spend 80+ hours a week at work, the business is doing very well. A year ago I met a married woman in a very similar situation and have been having a very passionate affair with her since then. Incredible. Passion, energy, incredible break your heart sex. She has saved me from total despair. That and my children and my business are all that keep me going. And believe it or not, my love for my wife. Stange huh?

  5. Danica says:

    After months of reading you, I finally get to comment.. HOORAY FOR STARTING A BLOG!!! As one who left a stressful sexless marriage, I don’t have any thoughts as to whether it might improve. I will say that past behavior is the best indicator for future behavior. It is fact and what you have to go on. This being the case, it doesn’t look super positive, but I will pray I am wrong.

  6. FTN says:

    I’m a little bit surprised (frightened?) that you have actual numbers for all of those years… but then, you are in a different situation than I am. Perhaps if my marriage was going through a similar time, I’d have a “sex history calendar” as well. If you were a business, your three-year trend would be a very bad indicator of future earnings. But with sex and hormones, you never know what might happen.

    What was happening those first few months of this year that made things so frequent? Besides the increased quantity, was the quality going well for both of you at that point?

  7. Desireous says:

    I remember keeping a calender when I lived with my ex. I kept it for several months and then used it to illustrate how pathetic our relationship was. It didn’t phase him. But I do remember that by focusing on it I just felt worse.

    Hugs
    Des

  8. Anonymous says:

    I didn’t mean anything against Digger regarding his 3 year calendar. I guess I had never heard of anyone keeping a “sexual diary” of sorts – I suppose if your relationship was as dry and lifeless as his seems to be, it would be natural to keep track. I don’t understand how this is productive however- almost like a laundry list of being wronged. Doesn’t seem terribly emotionally healthy to me. Then again, as my fiance is in another country, sex is nonexistant for months and months at a time – and it is difficult to achieve any *real* intimacy when you are 8000 miles apart. I suppose I chose to focus on the interactions we DO have instead of longing for the interactions I would love to have. Maybe forced separation has made me a little less sympathetic? I don’t really know.

  9. Cntrlil Jack says:

    Well I haven’t recovered from the sexual deficit. I’ve been married for 12 years for the past 9 it’s been 2 – 3 times a year. I to have tried as much romantic things as I could. Dinners, flowers, massages, notes, candles, candy, doing her chores, ect.. We don’t have kids, she doesn’t work. But when she wants something like her 1st & 2nd horse, she promised sex, I guess I should have gotten the sex up front. I have stopped asking, & making the 1st move becuase when I’d get rejected, depression would really kick in, & the only way to get out of it was to not be around her for a while. Thank god I travel for work.

  10. meadow says:

    i’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years – 3 on March 12. We haven’t had sex for 26 months. It is a very long and complicated story, but the gist is, no sex for over 26 months, no oral for me in 24, no kissing in 20, no oral for him in 14.

    we are not married. but i am still here.

    however, i still love him deeply and will stay as long as i can, but it’s hard when there’s nothing there.

    it is very doubtful that it will bounce back. and i very much doubt that this comment helped you at all, but I’d like to think that it gave you some kind of hope. i’ve gone this long and i’m still alive. AND i’m not married or have children, whatever that means. =)

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