Bedroom Dancer has a list that is well worth reading, that may become quickly buried, her being a rather prolific writer, and all. While reading it, I found myself agreeing with all of it. However, on closer inspection, I find I'm not doing all of it, namely the communication bit. At least not directly. I do have a place where Arwyn can read my thoughts if she wants, but I don't pressure her to do it. But it is available if she has a mind to. The state of my dissatisfaction is described fully, although in real life I'm not pushing things.
The pair Not So Normal and Pretty Peanut have gone from hopeful recovery to almost instantaneous meltdown mode. NSN says he might not read what his wife wrote, but I think he should. While she is not happy, she's not especially bitter in her writing. My question to him would be "Is what she wrote pretty much the truth?"
It looks to me like he ambushed her with the seperation bit. They take a weekend getaway, have some hot sex and then he tells her he wants to seperate. WTF??? She's actually doing really, really well with this, if her writing is any indication. The gist of what she got from him is that her efforts to improve things over the past 2 months is too little, too late.
On one level, I can understand where he's coming from. I'm not sure how many years he's had to suffer, but the temptation to shuck the badness is enormous if there is something seemingly so much better waiting in the wings. He got a taste of some wanton lust and is ready to go after it in hopes of discovering true intimacy. He's experienced some chemistry, and it is calling and drawing him away. His wife, if she is still interested in him, will have to fight so much the harder.
However there is an extenuating circumstance, namely the fact that he has a daughter who needs a father. This is not something to be casually tossed aside. Again, I can understand some of his resentment since his daughter displaced him as Peanut's #1 priority for so long. I do understand how a man can come to resent his children when they seem to get ALL of his wife's best and he gets whatever is leftover, which is precious little. Oh yes, I know what this feels like all too well. And I have contemplated something akin to walking away, myself. I even had those thoughts written on my old blog, and it was my first experience with a blogging shitstorm. My readership was justifiably horrified. I knew at the time that I had no intention of leaving which certain segments of my audience still struggles with.
But even at my worst, I am committed to make every possible effort to make it work. I owe it to my kids to be able to look them in the eye and say "I did everything I could." NSN needs to take the responsible route. Keep the counseling session if it is scheduled, and make it as right as he can. It is a committment and a responsibility that needs to be taken seriously.
While I sympathize on many different levels, I find it difficult to understand such a seemingly abrupt move. It looks like something that was calculated, but at the same time feels impulsive. Of course, this assumes I'm reading everything correctly which may not be the case.
Such a sad state. NSN illustrates one option in dealing with the lack of intimacy. Namely, leaving. This is after the affair, which is a seperate option for those seeking relief. Then there's the rest of the guys who are still slogging it out, for good or ill.
I'm not sure which is better; To leave or to have an affair? Both may be bad choices, but what's the least of the two evils?