Getting past “Eeww”

11/03/2005

Thursday

Tomorrow will be day 69, so I suppose it's only appropriate that oral sex be the order of the day. Well, at least writing about it.

I was hoping for some insight into how others (especially women) got past the Eeww Factor when it comes to oral sex. But apparently not many who engage in this have given it much thought, and now that I bring it up there's some amount of discomfort but not enough to give up on the practice. So maybe some amount of denial is necessary to enjoy oral sex.

To me, the human body is not a dirty thing, provided one bathes/washes it on a regular basis. My wife, who is a bit fastidious about such things, rarely stops thinking about dirt, germs and toxins. Rather than being a fountain of joy, my penis is considered to be a conduit for toxic waste. And her own plumbing is not given much more consideration. It is the forbidden zone. I am not allowed to touch it, at all.

As Virgin saidin her comment, the human mouth contains much more bacteria than the exterior of genitalia. My wife is aware of that, as well, which is why my tongue is not allowed past her lips. I've debated about adding such obsessiveness towards cleanliness to my list of possible characteristics of people with LL. My wife lives in perpetual fear of all things germs. I'm sure she has never sat on a public toilet. She has no problems cleaning up the boys when they have toileting accidents or when they vomit. But my germs are in an entirely different class. Apparently, Man-Germs are more toxic than Woman Germs or kid Germs.

I regard the swapping and interchange of germs, bacteria and cooties (as long as they don't require medications) as an enormously intimate thing. I remember kissing a girl once and she ended up using her tongue to put her gum in my mouth. Sicko that I am, I thought that was pretty hot. Even hotter when she let me put it back after I chewed it awhile.

The point being that she was willing to swap spit, germs and whatever she had for whatever I had. To me, it isn't gross at all. It is part of the bond, part of sharing our innermost selves. Even our bacterias. I'll still kiss my wife when she's sick even though she'll make it as brief and fleeting as possible.

Here it is folks: swapping spit and fluids spreads germs, yes. But it is also the most efficient way to spread immunity. My wife, living in her pseudo-antiseptic world, is rarely totally well. I, being the depraved pig that I am, haven't missed work on account of being sick in several years.

Spreading cooties feels good. It is also good for the body. By engaging in some good old fashioned nastiness with your chosen mate, you are inoculating each other against the very pathogenic threats that are feared most by those most actively avoiding them. Sort of like, if you do something nasty it makes you healthier.

But the health issue is not the issue. It is the intimacy. I think individuals living in this perpetual fear of contracting or passing on some unknown bug from/to their partner may be more fearful of knowing and being known on such a deep, personal and intimate level. Those of us who enjoy it like it for all of the aspects involved. I want to know my wife's smells. All of them. Good, bad and ugly. And love her all the more for them. There is simply no more ultimate expression of unconditional acceptance than when your partner farts in the car and you can be okay with it, even though you might be rolling down the window. They are gifts. And being comfortable enough to be able to let one go when necessary is the gift of inviting such acceptance. I'm not talking a sort of crass "pull my finger" disrespect.

When my own father was ill, almost near the point of death, my mom was there. They wouldn't let him leave the hospital until he had a pooped and peed at least once. He had all these monitors and tubes hooked to him so using the bathroom was a major chore. But Mom and Dad hit upon an idea. The nurses didn't like it, but it met the requirement. Mom held the waste basket for him while he went. And when he was finished, Dad had to make the most humiliating request of his life. He asked Mom to wipe his butt. This was a very proud man not used to asking anything of anyone. Now he couldn't even wipe himself.

And you thought the last post had graphic elements.

The point is, at that moment their intimacy transcended past anything superficial. Mom didn't complain about the smell or the grossness. She was only too happy that he was still alive. Dad, although self-conscious was glad that she was there to do it.

I think that is what loving is supposed to be about. Life is messy, gross and disgusting. But it is so much better to share that with someone you can trust and still admire and love them completely enough that dirtiness is translated into a sort of purity in love. It light of that, the horrors of the germs of oral sex would be replaced by an attitude of trust, reciprocal love and the seeking and giving of pleasure and comfort from one to another.

D.

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5 Responses to Getting past “Eeww”

  1. Aroused Girl says:

    Thanks for the comments on my blog. I think we have many things in common. I’ve long had the same theory as you, as WB is extremely fastidious about germs.

    Love your description of your parents. Reminds me of a time when I was with a dear friend of mine in the delivery room. I saw/felt/smelled/was hit by just about every bodily fluid she possessed that day. It was incredible. And when everything was done, I only loved her more that she had let me be there while she pooped on the table–and gave birth to her child.

    We’ll talk more, I’m sure.

  2. I love what you said about your parents. That is a great example of the love you are talking about and obviously want. Does your wife know that story?
    Now, I have only started reading in the last month or so, but have you thought that your wife might actually have a phobia or disorder. I don’t mean to say she is crazy or anything.
    I have a relative that was diagnosed with a phobia and has been on meds for a while. She has anxiety attacks and shuts down if she even thinks that she is going to throw up or anyone around her is. It might just be that your wife has a “problem”…but a real one.
    When you have something like a phobia it alters the way that you act.
    Maybe she does have something wrong and doesn’t realize it, therefore making both of your lives harder to live.
    I could be way off base. Just a thought.
    And on the picking up “things” after the kids and stuff….it’s weird. I have a weak stomach, but when my little one got sick (on me) I was able to get up and clean off myself and her. Something kicks in when you looking after the kids. Why she would feel differently about you, I’m not sure.
    I hope that you guys can figure it out though.
    Talking, talking. That’s what everyone keeps telling me. So far, it’s been pretty good.

  3. Dewdrop says:

    The story about your parents reminded me about my mum and her mum. My mum’s mum suffered a series of strokes when she was in her 80’s and my mum and my aunt had to do everything for her – wiping her shitty arse included (sorry to be so blunt). When you love someone you sometimes do things just because. Same with babies sick/poo/wee. You just do it and don’t really think about it too much.

    I’m not anti-oral sex because of germs at all, although obviously good hygiene is important
    I think. Oral sex (him on me) just doesn’t feel any good at all. It just feels, well….like nothing, blank, zero. So I don’t enjoy it. Hubs likes it so he does it to me, and I usually pretend he does a reasonably good job (not a good idea I know but would you like a sexual partner to criticise you for not being good at oral sex every time? He knows I’m not happy with it but he still does it. It keeps him happy at least for a while, anyway). I have no problems giving him a b/j if he wants one. I really don’t enjoy it at all. My mouth aches, it’s time consuming, but I bloody well do it. I let him come in my mouth if he wants, although I had to admit it does rather make me feel sick a little, and he’s come other places (i.e. my face, which made me feel like vomitting, because of the look/feel on my face ugh) because he seems to enjoy it and I love him so I want him to happy (and not ratty with me!). I don’t do any of this stuff even half as frequently as he wants it, but it’s a hell of a lot more than I ever want to. I am willing to do stuff which I just would rather not do, just to try and keep him happy. It does build up a resentment in me, and an anger which I think you well know about, but what’s the alternative? So I let him do oral sex on me, and I will do it on him, but it doesn’t please me at all, it’s just a chore to be honest. He knows all this, as I have told him – as nicely as I can – but it doesn’t stop him ever asking or trying or doing. So he knows I don’t enjoy oral sex, he knows I do it just to please him, and I try and remain positive about it and act like I’m enjoying it – I’ve told him exactly how I feel. I think it’s just one of marriage’s sometimes unresolved issues, agree to disagree sort of scenario. Although I do wonder, from a purely selfish perspective (of course hehe) how good an actress I am sometimes!

  4. Leslie says:

    I had never had OS until I met my boyfriend. I was afraid of it before, not because I was afraid of germs, but “Oh my god, I pee down there! Yuck!” But now it feels great. We’re not afraid of each other’s bodily whatever’s (although he’s still getting used to hearing me fart, but we’re working on that). I take the good with the bad, the cum with the snot, the saliva with the farts. It’s part of him, I love him, and if it gets really stinky, I’ll just punch him. 😉

  5. Desireous says:

    I am surprised at how many grown adults have the Ewww factor. Let me tell you a story about my ex. When he would lick my pussy he would keeep a paper towel close by to spit into. He felt pussy juice was nasty. Talk about a total turn off! I knew I didn’t taste bad other men had loved the taste of me but he made me feel so bad!

    I remember having the Eww factor when I was very young. My first thoughts of oral sex was as a child. I had a little boyfriend who I used to play with. We would fondle one another and talk about sex. He wanted me to suck him, I thought that would be totally gross because he pee’s from there. I licked it instead avoiding the eye. Though I wanted to swallow it up I just couldn’t. Well about three years later I was a wopping 12 years old. I met a boy who I was very attracted to and I wanted to please him. So when he pushed my head down to his cock I ignored my worst fears and sucked away…Well I discovered I really really liked it. The rest is history.

    I guess all in all you can’t really blame people if they feel its gross. I mean if your grossed out your grossed out. I think its sad though cause they are missing out on one of the greatest things. At least in my opinion.

    hugs
    Des

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