Cagey

10/27/2005

Thursday

I have too many things going on to write like I ought. But sex is not one of the things going on, unfortunately. Where am I at….Day 62 or something like that? But I have not been helping my own cause, as I stay up much later than Arwyn and don’t wake up in time to ambush her for my 2 minutes of daily intimacy. So there is none. It’s not like she is making any effort. I always envisioned that when the weather got colder that my chosen mate would want to snuggle up with me. Instead, Arwyn wears sweats to bed, wrapped in her rug/blanket.

So Gone asked me a question: How could one get a body to do something (wear a cock cage) if they don’t want to. This was in response to my response to Tajalude’s post where she talks about her husband looking at and jerking off to porn, and leaving her high and dry. So Gone has a similar problem with her boyfriend. While locking those boys up will solve that problem, So Gone’s question does present a thorny problem. How could they get these guys in?

Tajalude’s case is the easier of the two to deal with. Her husband has a distinct submissive side and it is obvious that he does care deeply about his wife. Still, he also has a deeply selfish side. When relating about how he confessed to his crimes,Tajalude did point out how he seemed visibly hurt. I think he cares about her, but masturbation can become a compulsion. And his repentent posturing after being caught tells me that there is some serious guilt involved. This is where the wedge is to be inserted to get him to open up to the idea. First of all, Tajalude can get him to promise that his masturbation must come to an end. Or at the very least, give her the right of first refusal. If he is feeling horny, he should go to her first.

I’m sure there might be some such understanding already in place. The idea, here, is that he is going to eventually fail. Tajalude’s husband does have a sense of shame about this as exhibited by the lying, the hiding and his overall evasiveness of the subject. This shame, combined with his submissive fantasies, is what is going to get him into the cage. When he gets caught again, the proper response would be to make wearing it a condition for forgiveness. I think he’d consider it, by virtue of the fact that he knows he’s done wrong, been given a chance and failed…again. It’s like a man with a drinking problem, where you get him to admit he has a problem and only then work towards a solution. Gently promise him support and guidance if he can just try this solution. Tell him how sexy it is. And stop referring to his mighty manhood as his “junk.” At least until you get him caged.

So Gone’s boyfriend presents a more stubborn and persistent problem because he seems to not be feeling any guilt or remorse about his actions. He sees nothing wrong with it, and therefore has no reason to stop. So Gone’s task will be to give him a reason through either enticement or coercion. Since he is not as keen to have sex, that eliminates her primary carrot. So Gone’s boyfriend hasn’t shown a real submissive streak, which makes this a more challenging task. Unless she applies a very big stick, or a bigger carrot, the odds don’t look good. The offer to both these guys could be extended thus: once caged, you can indulge in all the porn you want. In fact, offer to buy them whatever porn they want as long as they are caged and you are holding the keys. The desire always turns towards the keyholder in the end.

Tajalude’s position is the stronger one because outside of this issue there is a higher level of trust and a higher desire for mutual trust. Her husband shows more promise in this area. He’ll be reluctant, but his own mistrust of himself can push him into it.

Necessary (but not sufficient) conditions seem to be willing to explore a submissive side, a realization of the damage masturbation is doing, and willingness to improve and preserve the relationship. I don’t see any these in So Gone’s boyfriend. While the cage can intensify feelings of devotion, there has to be something there in the first place to work with.

Since I’m on the subject, C-Marie‘s JM is another candidate for lock-up. Again, he doesn’t show signs of being troubled by his negligence. She hasn’t shared any episodes where he has shown guilt or shame. These last two guys are actually in more need of such drastic measures but seem to lack as much promise.

Finally, it’s important that the women be comfortable with a more dominant role. Tajalude definitely shows promise in this area, although she hasn’t exactly embraced the idea of being worshipped and adored full-time. So Gone definitely likes the idea of constant attention, but might find that she’s no longer attracted to the guy if he were to turn submissive on her. Marie, likewise, shows a lot of strength but hasn’t shown a clear dominant streak. It doesn’t have to be a hardcore thing, as I don’t see that in any of these women. At least at this point.

D.

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4 Responses to Cagey

  1. Rob says:

    Well Digger, far be it for me to use one person’s blog to comment about what is happening on another person’s blog but since you have set the precedent in the past and again now here, pls allow me to comment briefly. I will only comment for now about Tajalude’s hubby. She found signs of him masterbating alright – but if I understand it correctly, 5 months ago he was exchanging a nude pic of his “itchy dick” with some other woman on the net, while camming with her. In other words he was not just masterbating alone. So it’s not a matter of Tajalude catching him masterbating (since all us guys do that fun activity) but rather him doing it with another woman on the net, which will probably never happen again, if he wants to keep his cajones intact – lol. So her getting him to wear a cage is still a remote possibility, in my opinion. And in reading about him, I seem to remember that he can indeed be quite stubborn and not as submissive as you seem to think.

  2. So Gone says:

    I’ll be honest, the cage idea does not appeal to me at all – besides as a way to know what he’s doing at all times with his cock, lol. Control freak? Just a teensy bit over here. I don’t like submissive partners, I think part of me likes the conflict he and I have in our relationship. I don’t like the idea of acting like his mom when it comes to his cock and I don’t like the idea of withholding him from his own needs, even though he’s done so to me.

    I don’t feel I’m in as dire straits as some of the bloggers I read, as we have sex 1-2x a week. For me, it’s more about the attention, which he’s been very diligent in giving since our breakup. The porn hasn’t been an issue (since it is all cut up and destroyed), it just bothers me that it’s still in the house. Masturbation hasn’t been an issue b/c I don’t care if he masturbates as long as he pays attention to me, as well (which he has been doing, to his credit.) Although you may not think so, there is deep caring between he and I and there is a mutual respect. Granted, we do not have the length of relationship or the bond of marriage that others have – but we do have something significant.

    I think that Tajalude or C-Marie could truly benefit from the cage, but I don’t think their partners will step 10 feet near the damn thing. I don’t think either are as submissive as you might think.

  3. Satan says:

    I agree, Rob. Far be for me to trash someone else’s busband on your blog, but I think Taja’s hubs is more lazy than submissive, though the cage would be nice as then she could be *sure* he wasn’t spilling his precious seed outside of the marraige!

  4. C-Marie says:

    I’m all for the Cage and I do know who would NOT be! Hahahaha.
    I did, however, experience the heightened attention and focus that was placed on ME while we were not sexually active for a few weeks. It’s going to happen again soon.. I jsut know it because it’s been several weeks since we’ve had anything sexual going on and he’s starting to come around a bit…*wink wink*
    Digger knows what I mean… 🙂

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