Just a bit more

10/13/2005

Thursday

For a new and original update on why I’m on my 47th day with no intimacy, check out Unsolicited Advice.

I suppose the only reason I have any readers at all, is because everyone has an opinion. Right now there is a bookie in Vegas who is upset at me because things are not looking good for the oddsmakers.

First off, anyone with any ability in reading comprehension should be able to see I’m not berating anyone for their own broken relationships and homes. I’m simply berating those who might think they know what’s best for me and my family, sight unseen. If Arwyn were beating me and/or my children, or if she were dealing drugs in the drive way, making us a target for drive-by shootings, I’d be gone like a bird. No arguments. But that’s not what is happening here.

Don’t worry. There’s still plenty of drama to go around.

Today, Arwyn called me at work to inform me that our youngest (Elmo) is eligible for special services under the label of Significant Developmental Delay. That is a bit suprising to me, considering the boy knew his letters, numbers, colors and shapes at the age of two. I’m going to need to see those assessments. Elmo has shown some signs of delays in the area of socialization and pragmatics, but I wouldn’t say they were 2 standard deviations below the mean. This does raise the bar as far as what it might take to get me to move off.

In anycase, that’s yet another thing to drive Arwyn nuts. We spent over an hour discussing our other son last night.

It might be time to add a disability blog to my blogroll, just to give readers another view of life with a child with a disability. Or in my case, children. And I know just the one.

Still think I need to bail?

D.

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8 Responses to Just a bit more

  1. Chrim says:

    I commented on your last post about the reasons I finally decided to divorce my first husband. I mentioned the reasons I had stayed so long were similar to your own. I didn’t mention that I have four children, two with disabilities. My oldest has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair. My third child, another boy, has autism. The other two are “normal.” (Ha, ha, as if there is such a thing.)

    I know the struggles you and your wife are going through raising special needs kids and not having an ideal marriage. I’m sure you know the odds are higher for divorce in a family with children that have a disability.

    I have great respect for you and your determination to save your marriage against the odds. I hope you can succeed.

  2. C-Marie says:

    My comprehension totally understood your post. I just don’t have to agree with those statistics, although they are a reality. And I suppose on some level it caused me to defend myself, just as anyone else probably would have. Just as YOU defend your case… which I think and I truly hope can turn itself around.
    Arwyn is a very lucky woman – I just can’t figure out why she doesn’t see it for herself. I don’t think I’ve ever berated you with my opinion in favor of you to abandon your marriage but more often than not I support the willingness you proceed with to fight for it! Most men would not have given to sh*ts and would’ve been long gone by now.
    I eagerly keep abreast of your blog in the hopes that good news will flare all over that blog page one day! I also read because I can relate to some of the pain and rejection you live with.
    Keep fighting, D~

  3. Anonymous says:

    In my opinion, uneccessarily labelling a child as disabled is a form of child abuse. All of us have our quirks, and have differing levels of ability and coping skills. But not every kid with challenges needs to given ‘special education.’ Be very very wary of ‘offical’ diagnoses and opinions. Doctors and professionals are OFTEN incorrect in their It often does more harm then good.

    I speak from personal experience. I was tracked into special education classes due to speech delays and it was a horrible experience. I am quirky to be sure, but what I really needed was some extra care and creative parenting, not ‘special education.’ Be very careful about your wife’s attitude toward your son.

  4. aphron says:

    First of all, my prayers are with you. The stress of dealing with this issue on top of strained marriage cannot be easy. Everything adds to the stress of day-to-day life. I hope you maintain your strength and sanity.

  5. You are right. None of us know all the things that go on in your household. Just no one really knows all the things in my household. We only know what is written by the author. I’m in know way trying to tell you what to do in your marriage with Arwyn. That is something that ONLY YOU & ARWYN can decide. (excuse me if I am out of line. This is the part of me speaking that is either ON or OFF that I posted about yesterday). I am just hear to read some Blogs and see what works for other peoples relationships.
    As far as your kids go both of mine are in special ed classes at school. My oldest is 11, in the 5th grade but is actually at a 2nd grade reading level. He is in Speech Therapy also. He didn’t start talking till he was 4 and a half. My youngest has the same speech problems (not as severaly) and motor skills problems. That is just something that I feel not to let all my readers no about my home life.
    Again if I am out of line I’m sorry.
    CH

  6. Digger Jones says:

    Like Confused. I’ve tried to NOT make an issue of our kids disabilities, but this seems to play mightily in the way t hings move. And it is beneficial to know others share this struggle in varying degrees. My oldest has definite issues, but still reads on the 3rd grade level..even tho he’s in Kindergarten. Our youngest is an emerging reder at the age of 3. I’m definitely looking into those assessments to see how they came up with their conclusions.

    I wasn’t specifically targeting you, Marie, although your example highlighted a perfectly valid reason for getting out which is why I used it.

    D.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Your younger son’s scattered abilities (Hyperlexic, or early reader, combined with the cognitive skills and lows in social skills and pragmatics) could be indicitive of asperger syndrome.

    I agree that you should be careful about labeling too soon, but with respect to keeping children out of special ed, I think that is really too individiualized to make a generalizaton without fully considering the child study team recommendations.

    My boys have aspergers, and I suspect my older brother had it and it was never diagnosed. Let’s put it this way, I’m glad MY kids are in special ed, and not in the general ed. population, based on how much my poor, “quirky but brilliant and clumsy” brother was tortured by the typical kids.

    Sometimes if there is no “label” kids will come up with some doozies of their own. Freak, weirdo, nerd. You get the idea.

    At any rate, I wish you well. And yes, we have a higher divorce rate. Married couples with disabled (esp. autistic) children have a divorce rate that hovers around 85%. Boy, have I been where you are. You have no idea.

  8. Kelly says:

    Well, I was just checking my stats and found that you linked to me – Thank you, I am very touched!

    Shortly after my daughter was labeled with a “development delay” a friend gave us some startling statistics. 80% of married couples with a special needs child end up divorced. 90% end up divorced if that child dies. Those are some frightening statistics, especially when all marriages have a 50/50 chance anyway. IT is tough, no doubt about it. I see part of the difficulty is that men and women process things differently. Men want to “fix” things, and women are the investigators – they research everything. At least that is how it was in our marriage.

    Those statistics sent us screaming all the way into counseling, and it helped somewhat. We have our days, and I do understand what you are experiencing.

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