Commentary on Amorite

October 10, 2005



I’d be lying if I didn’t say I drew some inspiration in my last post from Dewdrop, my own wife and a few of you other bloggers. But the invectives and the general tone originates from Chris over at 100 Things I Hate About Husband. While it’s probably true her guy is a certified looney jerk, she paints a picture almost more vivid than life of a hopeless, pathetic loser. Except she likes sex with him, despite despising him as a person. I borrowed heavily from her general tone and transferred it to a situation I’m more familiar with.

The piece is designed to generate a fair amount of conflict and tension, especially from female readers. I knew I had to dampen its effects on Dewdrop, as she would be the first to recognize it. However, other female readers (including many HL ones) should be able to identify elements of their own internal dialogue albeit in a somewhat amplified state.

The female character is the only one speaking. We know that there is a male character there, but know very little else about him. Still, he evookes some sympathy from a reader due to what he is getting from his female partner in the way of verbal abuse.

While the main character is not meant to evoke sympathy, I think almost every female reading this who lives or has lived with a man will be able to identify with her in some way.

The central theme of the lead’s complaints revolve around her partner’s selfishness and weakness, which she exposes, exploits and pounces on with almost rhythmic regularity. But who is really and truly the selfish one? The poor fellow pays dearly for whatever pleasure he derrives from her attentions in the form of humiliation and guilt which is heaped on throughoout a 180 second encounter.

Some inspiration was derrived also from the male chastity literature, where female domination is paired with male humiliation on a regular basis. But this wasn’t meant to be part of a BDSM scene. Still, a male submissive or Domme would easily see it and find some enjoyment from the contradictions.

Now if I reversed the situation, and had a man playing the dominant role this scene would not play out nearly so well. Mainly because men don’t talk that much. Also because our society has been sensitized to the oppression of women, there simply would not be enough contradiction to evoke the sort of internal conflict many commenters reportedly experienced. Do you laugh? Do you cry? Do you feel sad or angry? With whom do you sympathize, the one who claims to be the victim or the one who truly looks like the victim?

My ultimate goal was to point out how modern femininity seems to engage modern masculinity. The man is treated like a selfish and impetuous child while it is the woman who is actually enveloped in total pettiness. She portrays her 180 second encounter with her chosen mate as a traumatic, opressive and totally demeaning experience. This may be true, but mostly because she made it so. She had much more important things to do with that time lasting less than 3 minutes.

A body will never come to think any better of someone by treating them poorly. As whites persecuted blacks in the southern U.S., the abusers did not develop more sympathy for those they were abusing. When Nazis persecuted Jews, they never developed sympathy for the women and children they were gassing by the train car load. When the Taliban hunted and beat women who weren’t wearing their burquas, they did not develop more sympathy, they developed more contempt.

And so it is with women who treat their men poorly. Their contempt increases and so does their own misery. And it works both ways. If one or both partners start dealing in the currency of contempt there can be no room for happiness.

Thus begins the process of redemption.